To Wives: Before You Were “Mommy”

by | Jan 24, 2014

When we found out that we were pregnant with my son (now 4), my husband and I became one of those “new parent” couples. We researched together, shopped together and made every choice surrounding the arrival of our new baby together. I’m talking right on down to the discussion of which wipes would represent the Thompson household. We went with pampers if you were wondering. If there was an amazing-race-like-show that somehow incorporated preparing for a new baby, we would have been all over that. We were a team.

To greater prepare ourselves for baby boy’s arrival, we even took one of those courses for new parents offered by the hospital.

The class and the instructor couldn’t have met our expectations any more perfectly. The sweet gal who led the class was spritely, informative and gave entirely too detailed descriptions of her own deliveries. (Say that three times fast.) After learning everything from diaper changes to natural labor techniques, our 8 week course ended with a certificate and a tour of labor and delivery. We were prepared to become parents. We had the copied paper and our names written in sharpie to prove it.

But what wasn’t covered in that course, what would have been infinitely more valuable than any one bit of information we received in those few weeks, would have been the offering of a few simple words.

If only our instructor had sat us down and said,

“Ladies, before you were Mommy, you were his. Men, before you were Daddy, you were hers. Remember this. Hold on to this. Keep these words precious to you.”

I wouldn’t have understood her. I might not have even understood her a few months later. But four years down the road, I would replay those words over and over in my heart, and I would know exactly what she had meant.

So if I could teach that class, if I could go back and instruct the bright faced greatly pregnant women and their overly eager husbands, I would say this,

Ladies, there will come a day when your husband walks in the door and you do not turn around. You will be preoccupied with filling up sippy cups and wiping booties. You will shout over the running bath water, “Hey! Glad you’re home.” But it won’t mean what it used to mean. It won’t be full of eager anticipation to spend time together. It will be full of expectations to aid in the demands of the family. “Glad you’re home,” will more properly translate, “Thank God for two extra hands to help me.” And “Praise the Lord I might get five minutes alone.”

Ladies, there will come a day when you spend every last ounce of yourselves on your children. The demands of life and the babies will come before any other priority. What little of yourself you have left at the end of the day will be used to crawl into bed before someone is awake to need you again. The thought of doing anything else after the children are asleep will sound impossible and your handsome husband’s happy smile had better mean he is willing to get up with the baby and nothing more.

The husband that once completed your heart will be just one more person who needs you. The charming things that you fell for will go unnoticed. The daily grind will become expected.

Men, there will come a time when that beautiful bride sitting next to you hasn’t showered in days. She will be at her wit’s end wearing other people’s food and poop on her clothing. She will need to hear that she is beautiful, but she won’t listen to you. She will need to know that she is still lovable, but she won’t want you near her. When you arrive home after meeting the demands of work, you will be expected to meet the demands of your family. Your wife will hear none of your exhaustion, and you will see none of hers.

Men, you will call home to ask a quick question and anticipate a two-minute conversation. Half of it will be spent listening to your wife talk to your kids. As a matter of fact, you will make it no more than a few sentences in to any conversation ever before your wife spurts out direction to your children.“Don’t climb that!” or “Don’t sit on your sister!” You will become accustomed to these outbursts, but you will forget that there was ever a time when you had her full attention.

But Ladies, when Mommy becomes your name, remember this man. Remember that you are his wife. Remember how much you love and appreciate him in this moment. Remember his dedication to your family. Remember his love and devotion to you. And then, when the days are long and you need a break, fall into his arms.

Men, remember your bride. The care and love that she has given you will soon be spilled over to your children. Her love for you will not change. Give her the grace to be enough even when she doesn’t feel like it. Remember when your days are long, hers are too. Remember her. Fall in love with her again.

Remember each other. Remember the two that made the family. Let the Lord lead you both together. Because when the days are endless and the hours short, it will only be His love who keeps you together. It will only be His mercy that gently guides your hearts as one. Hold tightly to one another, and even more tightly to the Lord. There is no greater adventure for you to experience and no greater gift than to walk through parenthood with your best friend.  You are a team. Every single day.

When they had heard these words, perhaps then, I would offer a certificate. Something that they could hold in their hands to remember that they were prepared.

So, to my friends, a reminder. Something for you to hold onto. A cue to look into the aged eyes of the one you love and see the one for whom your heart fell. May our words be sweet. May our hearts be received. And may we remember the love of our youth.

 

This is an excerpt from my book Hope Unfolding. Find out more here.

Hope Unfolding: Grace-Filled Truth for the Momma's Heart

I get it, momma. Every day you wake up and try your best. You love, give, and pour out your life for the ones who call you Mom, but no matter how much you offer, there are still days you feel as if you come up short. Sometimes we just need hope (and maybe a long uninterrupted nap). We need someone to help tune our hearts to the voice of the Father and to remind us that He has not forgotten about us.

Meet Becky Thompson

I'm Becky Thompson, bestselling author and creator of Midnight mom Devotional

Here you’ll find hope and healing for all parts of your story.

The world is loud. Life can seem overwhelming. Good thing we have a God who never leaves us. Everything you’ll read here will point to Him and will remind you… He’s right there in the room.

For the Momma Who Needs to Know God Hears Her

I was in the middle of working on my first book to encourage moms when I received a text from my own momma. It was a photo of a page of her journal, and in her cursive handwriting was written, "I pray for the new baby that he/she would be a testimony to Your love and...

The Older I Get…

I am thirty-three years old. I am not yet where I'm going, but I'm also not where I once was. But here's the thing. The older I get the more I realize... I don't want a seat at every table. I don't want to be invited to the cool girls night out or the popular party. I...

What I Wish They Had Told Me Before I Had My Baby

The warm sun shone through the nursery window as I rocked my 5 day old in a plush aqua colored glider. I had rocked in that chair for weeks before my son arrived hoping he might become accustomed to the feel of it. I thought that maybe if he got used the gliding...

For the Momma Who Doesn’t Know What She Feels

I don't know about you, but I'm tired. I'm tired of sorting through facts and opinions and emotions. I'm tired of weighing all the options, finally making a choice, and then second guessing myself immediately. I'm tired of the tension and the stress out there in the...

For the Momma with BIG Questions Right Now

There used to be very few “BIG” questions in my life. Sure, there were some personal things that my husband and I were trying to make some decisions about, but in our day to day life? I had to decide what we were having for dinner and if my kids were spending too much...

For the Momma Struggling with Comparison

My kitchen is not one where you’ll find much design inspiration. There isn’t a trendy tile backsplash or gray and white quartz countertop. The appliances are likely original to the house. And I’m guessing the faucet is too. This house is a rental, and while it doesn’t...

Parenting in a Pandemic

So you’re parenting in the middle of a pandemic. Gah. None of us planned for this. Did we? It’s the worst. Being a mom on a regular Thursday was hard enough. Mom in the middle of a global crisis with civil unrest on a Thursday halfway through a year that has been...

For the Momma Who Needs to Speak Kindly to Herself

I was on the phone with my mom telling her about my day. “It sounds like you got a lot done,” she said. But I didn’t feel like her words were true. “It’s not a big deal. I didn’t get that much done. I have so much to do still,” I answered. I was completely unimpressed...

For the Momma Who Just Can’t Keep Up

I wander around my house and there is continual proof that I can’t keep up. I can’t always keep up with the dishes. I can’t keep up with the laundry-covered guest bed (even when I promise myself I’ll do one load a day.) I can’t keep up with the kids’ bathroom that...

For the Momma Who Feels Like the World’s Worst

I have this memory from when my kids were little... they had spent the morning playing with play doh and coloring and reading and dragging out all of their toys and FIGHTING. There had been tons of fighting. I had my four month old on my hip as I put away the dishes...

For the Moms Who Will Be Up Late This Week

It's 12:36 a.m., and I'm the only one awake in my house. I had to wait until everyone was asleep so I could sneak presents in from the car. I have a feeling this won't be the only night this week that I stay up well-after everyone else has gone to bed. There are just...

For the Mom Who Doesn’t Think She Can Do This

She was on the other side of the wall in the next room. I couldn’t hear what the nurses were saying or her husband or friends. I couldn’t hear what words her family might have spoken to assure her. I couldn’t hear the calm words of the doctor or the likely beeping of...

For the Momma Who is Stronger than She Knows

You are strong. I imagine you don’t usually feel as if that word fits you. ...stressed tired overwhelmed anxious exhausted... Maybe it seems those words better fit how you feel most days. And maybe they do. Maybe you pour and give and never feel quite filled back up....

The Pass/Fail Test I Wasn’t Prepared to Take

He had watched his older brother and sister stand on the front porch for their first day of school photos for years. He knew exactly what he was doing Monday morning when I said, “Okay, let’s take a picture before we leave for Pre-K.” He tucked his arms into his...

When All of Those Moms Were Right… Mostly

Jax, my three-year-old took a nap the other day – something he hasn’t done consistently in over a year. Consequently, he was up late. At about 10:00 pm, after books and stories and sitting with him, he said, “Momma? Remember when you used to hold me? Remember when you...

JOIN ONE MILLION MOMS

Five years ago, I began praying online nightly for moms. Today, over one million moms have joined the movement that I co-lead with my own momma, Susan Pitts.

error: Content is protected !!