Falling in Love is Not the Greatest Adventure


I met my husband at the mall.

We don’t have some romantic story of being high school sweethearts. We won’t ever be able to say that we were introduced by mutual friends, or that we met at church camp when we were 15. There were no mysterious drinks sent from across a crowded bar.

Nope. I was selling clothes, and he was selling shoes, and one day I bought him a cookie. It was just that simple.

I remember how I felt the first time I saw him. I thought he was adorable. He was quiet, and I was outgoing enough for the both of us. But looking back on what I know of him now, he made quite an effort to match my enthusiasm. (This was a hard feat even back then.) But seriously, my heart raced when I was around him. I made nervous comments, and did a bunch of awkward things that I wish I could take back, but all are a part of our story now.

I remember falling in love with him. I remember exactly how it felt. It felt like the first time I ever saw a high-def TV. I know that’s probably the most random comparison, but everything seemed so much clearer, brighter, better around him. I didn’t remember what life was like before we met, and I really didn’t want to know what life would be like without him.

My husband sweetly nods and agrees when I ask him how he felt about me.

We did what every young couple madly in love would do in our shoes. We got engaged, planned a wedding and got married a year later.

But not long after we were wed, all of that love-struck wonder began to wear off. I can still remember how worried I was when I noticed that I didn’t feel for my husband like I did when we first met. I questioned if there was a way to get that feeling “back.” I worried that there was something wrong with me. I looked for books and searched articles online for ways to fall back in love with my husband, but I didn’t find any solid advice.

No one told me that truly loving my husband had very little to do with how I felt about him.

I knew what falling in love felt like. I had no idea what getting up, brushing off the rose-colored dust and walking in love looked like.

I know now that walking in love looks like a choice. Every single day.

Walking in love takes effort, endurance, compromise. It is hundreds of dinners at home and the same number of quiet nights. It is hours of being together and not having to say a single word. It is contentment.

It is a call in the middle of the day, or an extra tube of toothpaste at the store because I remembered he was out. It is his favorite bag of chips when I wanted to buy mine. It is considerate.

It is the choice to forgive daily. It is forgiveness from past offenses and future hurts. It is the chance to choose grace over and over again.

Walking in love looks like letting him discover himself and loving every version of himself that he finds.

Walking in love is selfless. It is patient. It endures.

I was afraid that because I didn’t feel the way I once had about my husband, I might not love him as much as I used to. But what I failed to realize is that love isn’t just the intensity of what I feel, it is the commitment to how far we will go.

I love my husband more today than I did the day it first spilled from my lips – a whispered, “I love you.” We have walked through so much together, and carried one another and pressed on when we felt like quitting. We have miles to testify of our love. We have measured steps that tell our love story.

Through it all, I know now that we have walked farther than we could have ever fallen, and I have realized this great truth. The greatest adventure isn’t falling in love. It is walking every day shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand with the Lord as your guide. He reminds us in His Word to walk in love as He walked in love – with grace, with forgiveness, with selflessness and most importantly with Him.

So, to you who have recently fallen, your journey has just begun. Enjoy every step to come.

To you who fear that love is slipping, keep walking. One step and then another… Keep choosing love.

To those of you who wonder if it is still love, it is. Look back at each step. Every step is a part of the journey. Each one makes up the words of your story.

To those who have walked silently hand in hand for years, thank you for setting the trail.

And to those who have walked until in old age wouldn’t allow another step, thank you for giving us hope.

Anyone can fall in love, but when we let the Lord set the pace, and follow where He leads, walking in love will be so much more of an adventure than falling ever dared to be.

Today, I choose one more step forward.

May my emotions realize what my heart knows to be true. Loving my husband is not how I feel. It is what I do.

 

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Comments

  • Stacey says:

    Great post!! I just recently found your blog and I love it. I have gone back and read quite of few of your past posts and they are all so well written! Thanks for your sharing your life with the us! Have a great day!

  • Kattie says:

    Beautiful and inspiring. I am married, have been married only a year and a half but we have been together since high school and have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. I wish I could say I feel that ‘high school’ love today, but as you described its not there and nowI feel a little more at peace about it! Thank you for this article.

  • sarika says:

    Thanks for the great post. This is something I am also going through. I am happy to see that I am not the only one. Thanks for making me see things in another perspective……

  • Kristen says:

    Thank you for speaking truth about love. It is so misunderstood in our culture. Awesome words of wisdom. In a sex-crazed culture it is easy to think that something must be wrong if we don’t have that head-over-heels feeling everyday. It’s important to keep our eyes on God – the greatest lover of our souls. Thank you for the encouragement!

  • When I was dating my husband over 33 years ago, he told me that love is a commitment, not a feeling. 33 years later, after raising 4 children, 2 brain surgeries, many years of illness, I can say without a doubt that love is a commitment and not a feeling just as loving God is not a feeling but a commitment.

  • Tonya says:

    You said this in the most perfect way. Thank you!

  • Jessica says:

    This is a great post. Its so refreshing to hear other couples going through the same situations. I was madly in love with my husband for years and about a year into our marriage I was wondering what did I do? That madly in love feeling disappeared and just became true love. It amazes me how many people in this world can just cycle through marriages. It takes work. Time. and Love.

  • Danielle says:

    We just had a discussion about this in my small group through our church!! We were talking about how love isn’t just a feeling, it’s action. It’s serving people. It’s doing. And this post beautifully describes that.

  • Cathy Tisch says:

    I look forward to receiving your emails saying you have a new piece out!! beautiful words, amazing writing!! Thanks for speaking to my heart!!

  • […] Falling in Love is Not the Greatest Adventure  This is a beautiful post by Becky Thompson.  “I knew what falling in love felt like. I had no idea what getting up, brushing off the rose-colored dust and walking in love looked like.” […]

  • Melissa says:

    Becky, I really love this post! We need to hear this over and over–love is a choice. I reposted it as one of my favorite links of the week. Thanks for your wise words!

  • krista says:

    This is so well put!! It’s the first time I have been to your blog….and I think it was meant to be!! Thank you : )

  • Hedda says:

    Perfectly said! This is my situation also. Falling in-love isn’t the greatest adventure, but walking in-love! Loved your article! A great post especially for married couples!

  • Mary Nelson says:

    What a beautifully written and eloquent article. I have walked that walk and you have nailed it- exactly what it takes, to keep walking in love and grace. Thank you for writing this and reminding me to keep the faith. I hope to walk in love every day, whether I am in a relationship or not. Hoping to have one last go at it before my time on earth is finished.

  • Janis says:

    Thank you for reposting this today. I missed it in February. I am in my 40th year of marriage with three grown children and two adorable grandchildren. This makes feelings I have so much clearer and validated.

  • Pam says:

    Love this so much ! Very well said ! Ive been married 27years and can say I’ve learned “it’s not about going to the amusement park, it’s about enjoying the rides, ups,downs, scenery along the way!” Life sure can throw some curve balls at us but it’s how we choose to handle them. For with God all things are possible. Put on your seatbelt and just enjoy the ride for better or worse !!! :) make it fun & exciting …..

  • Charlotte says:

    I agree with you that walking in love is a choice, but I do not agree with the sentence “It is contentment.” When one is content, one does not move, one does not grow. Loving someone means fighting for them every single moment of every single day. It means never giving up. It means loving them even when you hate them. It means pushing past your selfish desires to sacrifice for them. It means never settling for contentment and always seeking out growth.

  • Shirley Viar says:

    This is all so true an well written.,. I will be married 60 years this June 19 th. I have 4 married children .. I needed this conformation even this day even after so many life experiences thank you for this blog.. Getting refueled is like going to church an letting God refresh you . Thanks again an I love all the post !!!!!

  • Perry says:

    I agree what you say. A Big Amen. I was married for 21 years. Sad to say that I was divorced 11 years ago. My ex – wife decided to divorce because she felt no love. My guess that I know she read lots romantic books, possible destroy marriage? I have 7 sons. We both are deaf. My boys are all hearing.
    I know God’s love didn’t changed.

  • Ellie says:

    I absolutely love reading your post! Wow! Very inspiring for all young brides!

  • Lavonda says:

    What a wonderful loving blog!!! Next weekend (11/15/14), will be our 29th anniversary, and as I read this it brought tears to my eyes. I’ve told many young people that one of the most important things to a successful marriage is to be best friends, my husband is definitely my best friend. I learned that from my parents, my mother passed away 10/9/13, they would have been married 55 years 12/30/13. You can see I had a good loving example!!! They married very young, mom was 15 and dad was 16, they also were best friends 😀 She told people the same thing, dad always says to choose your battles. Is it really worth fighting for or is it something that’s not worth a fight? You’ll normally find it’s not worth a fight. Just remember, this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Talk to each other, you don’t want to find out when the kids are grown and gone that you no longer have anything in common other than the kids. We love our kids and grandkids, but it’s just us at home now and we love each other more everyday. Make the time for each other, if you can’t afford date night then fix his favorite dinner and put the kids to bed early. If you can’t afford to bring her flowers, make her a card or get her a single rose.
    Anything worth having is worth working for, and fighting for. There will be bad days, but be quick to say I’m sorry and make your partner feel like the most important person in the world, because that’s what they should be in your world!!

  • Divya says:

    I happened to find your blog while I was googling for some sleep training information for my almost 14 month old. I found your write up about sleep training your little one and I read few of your other posts and fell in love with your blog.
    Its one of happy moments of my day-to read your blog :). Thanks for keeping it real and always being positive.

  • Sarai says:

    Thank you for this! I needed to hear this, and it’s perfect.

  • Janet Miller says:

    Falling in Love with my husband was wonderful. We had our ups and downs, like all married couples do. But, that exciting, hormone induced love turns into a mature love. When raising babies, buying a house, making a living, feeding our family, supporting our kids and each other, in the activities we all chose to do, was just as much fun. We shared so many dreams. Even if those dreams, never came true, we still had dreamed them together and wondered, “What if”. We looked forward to spending our rocking chair years together, and we had a couple of years, just doing what we wanted, when we wanted, but God had other plans. My husband passed away January 5, 2015. It will be one month tomorrow, since my heart broke in two pieces. One half left with him and I am left with the other half. We often talked about the “what ifs” and came to the conclusion, that if we changed anything in the last 42 years, that our life would have been changed forever. We were totally content with our life the way it was, except for health issues. We decided we would have done it all over again, given the chance. He was my best friend, my soul mate and the Love of my life. I will miss him and love him, until we meet again, and I have Gods’ promise that we will be together again, through eternity.

  • Araea says:

    This is such a beautiful post. Thank you for your words of complete truth. This is the kind of love that I am learning with my fiance.

  • Heather says:

    I have this new picture “Love is the greatest Adventure”
    I want to add a sentence at the end of my canvas picture … So many ways but I’m not th best writer so can u help me?
    ( another canvas pic that my best friend for. Many years turned to a relationship..
    He is the best man and perfect for me) here is his that he hangs in his kitchen;
    “Life is a Journey and u hold the map. “.
    This was my inspiration when I seen this canvas picture it’s perfect our story: we were acquaintances that meant about seven years ago turned friends know the same people crossed paths A law finally exchange numbers yeah later slow the overall couple more years became best friends than two years ago he became intimate though we had both little wall law and Picture this our hand up to make sure we had distance..stopping us.. We said we don’t feel we can ruin our friendship (I knew with time he’d come around but we both did fight it a little cuz we were /are best friends and that’s rare.. last year we started to be intimate but we didn’t actually really start dating till last spring and only spent every day together and by the end of the summer officially a couple now we’re pretty much living together over the last few months… so I want to add more maybe a little sentence added to this about how our relationship is and will be and our love is going to be the greatest adventure

  • Karyn says:

    Thank you so much for this post! My husband and I have been together since high school (8 years) but have only been married for a year and seven months. I have just recently felt that something was wrong with me because I felt that I was “losing” the love that I had for him when we were teenagers. Thank you for letting me know that I am normal and that I am not losing the love, but instead gaining a different and deeper kind of love for him. I appreciate your words more than I can say.

  • Chris Nadeau says:

    Loved this so much.

  • Sharon Mallory-Blaizis says:

    I married my husband because he was the kindest man I had ever known and because he was very persistent. Months after we were married I woke up one morning next to him, sat up and watched him sleeping knowing this kind man was worthy of more than I felt capable of giving him. So, I began to pray. I prayed that I would fall in love with my husband, to love him with all my heart, second only to my Lord and Savior. That prayer planted a seed that grew and bloomed and filled our home with joy and laughter and peace and so much more. We had just had our third child when we found out my beloved husband had terminal cancer. God had a plan all along. He saw a kind soul who would need to be surrounded by love as he made the very long, painful road home. Our story wasn’t about growing old together or getting my happy ending, it was about love.

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