To My Babies Who Play on Streets of Gold

Some of the things that I write never make it to this page. I must be honest and share that I struggled as to whether or not this should stay in my journal. After quite a bit of prayer, I have decided to post it here. If you haven’t read my complete story of hope after miscarriage, you can read it here, or you can click the link on the right “Finding Hope After Miscarriage.”

Thank you for letting my share my heart so openly. I wrote this last night after rocking my youngest to sleep. I thought of my other two sweet babies in Heaven, and I just had a few words I wanted to say.

Most days, I’m too busy to think that there should be two more of you playing Legos on the bedroom floor with us. Most days, that sad place in my heart feels completely whole again knowing that you get to grow up with Jesus. There is no safer place for you.

But tonight, I miss you both.

I’m glad that you have each other. I’m so glad that you get to play and dance with our Lord together. When I imagine Heaven, I imagine you walking with Jesus. When I think of Jesus, I remember He holds two of the most precious pieces of my heart. My sweet babies.

Tonight, I want to tell you how proud that I am. I know it seems odd. But I am so proud.

I wrote out our story.

I shared it for other mommas who were sad like me. I wrote it for those other mommas who have babies in Heaven with you. I wanted them to know that just like Jesus holds you, He holds us mommas too.

And some of those mommas have shared their stories with me as well.

I want to tell you what our story has done. It has helped hurting hearts. It has brought other families back into relationship with the Lord. It has helped some begin to heal and given others a chance to finally heal completely.

Our story has changed lives.

My sweet babies, I could not ask for a greater honor. All that I pray in this life is that my children will love the Lord and lead others to Him. My precious children, you have done just that.

While there are still days that I think of you, and I’m sad, there is so much to rejoice in.

The testimony of your sweet lives has been read across the world. My little ones, you may live in Heaven, but your short time here has been a great witness for our Lord. Our story has been a light to thousands. His Word says that we are saved, “By the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.” Our story has power to transform lives, help the hurting, and restore hope in Jesus Christ.

I praise the Father for the honor of sharing our story. I praise Him for the honor of proclaiming His great love in all things. I bless His name for the privilege of carrying the Message of His goodness in the midst of sorrow.

Your lives have made a difference.

Momma’s going to have another baby. I’m sure Jesus told you. The doctor told me that this little baby is due on September 11th. That will be the 6th anniversary of my first baby’s first day in Heaven. Jesus has a way of making all things new, doesn’t He? Even down to the date… And maybe on the same day that you celebrated your first day in Heaven, your little brother or sister will celebrate their first day here.

I love you, and I dream of you… And tonight, I just wanted to say, that this momma is so proud to be yours.

Jesus may hold you in His arms, but I will forever hold you in my heart.

Thank you, Father, for children both in Heaven and living that will be used to testify of your goodness, who will bring glory to your name, and who will bring healing to those in pain. What an honor to be used by my King. I love you, Lord.

 

If you haven’t had a chance, please read the story that I reference in this post here. It is my complete story of hope after miscarriage and learning to trust and praise the Lord through the most difficult of times. Our stories are each unique, but I believe that healing can be the same for all of us. We don’t have to live with broken hearts forever. We don’t have to wonder where God was. My prayer is that my story brings you hope.

Comments

  • Carmele says:

    Thank you for writing this!

  • Rebekah says:

    Thank you for sharing your story! It has been four months for me since I lost my baby. I’m not ready to really talk about my story with anyone, but my how I need to hear the story of Godly women who have gone through this and have come out on the other side. You have been a blessing to me!!!

  • Jessica says:

    Hi there. Dear friends of ours just lost their son 3 weeks before he was due. They are grieving and I read this in hopes of passing it along to my friend. Do you have a section where you specifically speak of your loss and do you have any recommendations I can pass along to her. They have a two year old daughter which has certainly helped through this difficult time. Please keep them in your prayers. Any help/suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!!

  • Julie says:

    I love reading your blog! I miscarried twins this past summer, I just past my due date (Valentine’s day). I really miss my babies, but I rest knowing they are in the arms of Jesus. Thank you for your beautiful words, they bring healing to many!

  • Jennifer says:

    Wow, this was so beautifully written. You are a strong woman. Sharing this with some women I know who have suffered miscarriages as well.

    • Scissortail SILK says:

      Thank you all for the wonderfully kind comments. You can read my full story here. My prayer is that it would bring hope to those who are in pain, and remind those who may have forgotten how to praise.

  • Elizabeth says:

    I read your first post about life after miscarriage after both of my miscarriages and it really helped me so much. This one gives me hope, and reminds me of how God can turn an ugly situation in to something beautiful. I just lost my second baby this week, and it was just as difficult as the first time, but knowing that my children will NEVER know pain or sadness but only peace and perfection is the best feeling for a mother. Thinking of them up there and imagining what they look like and what their doing melts the pain and bitterness i felt when i lost them. Jesus is taking care of my babies and if i cant be the one caring for them, who else better than the Lord! This has lifted my spirits and I thank you for sharing this story with us.

  • Theresa says:

    Thank you for sharing. Even though it has been 21 years this April since first, and 17 years this month since our miscarriages, I think of them daily. The pain gets easier, especially knowing they are with our Lord. I carry my girls in my heart always. God does have a way of showing us…our grand daughter celebrated her first birthday on valentines day. He knows how hard February was for me and sent our little Starr. The pain does get easier but is always there. God has us all! Hugs to all of you that have recently dealt with this…wish I could hold you all physically.

  • Heather says:

    I also have two babies up in heaven in addition to my two on earth and reading your words are a help. I love thinking of Jesus lovingly holding them and that I will one day meet them again. I am fairly new to your blog and love how God is reaching people like me through it. Thank you!

  • Liana says:

    I stumbled upon your post about Hope after Miscarriage a month after I miscarried our second child. It’s been almost three months since we lost our precious little one, and I have found such encouragement from your words. I don’t have many people in my life who understand the heartache of miscarrying, and your posts have helped me to realize I’m not alone in these feelings of hurt in losing a child and joy in knowing my little one is in the arms of Jesus. Thank you for sharing.

  • Beth Gilbert says:

    Thank you for sharing this! It is amazing when you find yourself in a similiar situation as another person and it speaks to your heart. I have also experienced 2 miscarriages and am pregnant now and due Sept. 10th. This is the furthest I have made it in a pregnancy and am rejoicing with you. THank you for your encouragement and heartfelt posts. This really spoke to my heart today!

  • Jaclyn says:

    This brought tears to my eyes and I’ve never personally experienced a miscarriage; however, I have experienced it as a friend and each Mom has their own unique story, just like yours. Your perspective is phenomenal – I know there has been quite a bit of time to heal from it, but I have never heard a Mom speak quite like that about such a traumatic experience. I was truly humbled by your praise and adoration of what a great God we serve! Since the first few days of the miscarriage you experienced after the doctor’s office, you have never ceased giving God praise and that has birthed so much inside of me. I have been going through a very dry, hard season and through your posts I have noticed how the enemy wants nothing more than to steal our praise and make it his own. Even as I write this, I know at times he has stolen my song, but when I see all you have been through and how you have always turned back to God — yes, we have our moments when we start to begin the lies or we try to do things on our own — but you never strayed completely from His plan. When you recognized the deception, defeat, etc., you went right to God and gave Him the praise He deserves. Oh, how I wish we were closer and actually knew each other in person, but I am still so blessed and deeply encouraged by your real heart. Very few people and especially churches are so transparent and hungry for God. Thank you for obeying God and seeking to shine your light whenever you have the opportunity. Have a wonderful wek!!!!

  • Missy says:

    Thank you for this. It brought tears to my eyes. I should have 5 little ones running around, but God saw fit to let me keep 2. They are both born right around the due date of the first one I miscarried. Your story really spoke to me & this post did as well.

    Congratulations on the new addition. I don’t personally know you, but you and your little one will be in my prayers for a safe pregnancy & delivery.

    Thank you for your blog!

  • Janine says:

    One of my best friends led me to you this week, and I can’t thank her, or God enough for it. I too have had 2 miscarriages, my first one was on the day you posted this blog, and my second one happened this past Sunday. Not a lot of people can understand that the love for your child does not begin when it is born, it happens the second you find out you are going to be a mommy. So they don’t understand how traumatic miscarriages really are. The only things that have helped me during this time, is picturing my two angels together, in God’s arms, and reading your story. Your “Hope After Miscarriage” blog tells an extremely similar story to what happened to my husband and I on Sunday, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much your words have been helping me heal, and helping me accept the plans the Lord has for us. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing your story.

  • Jaima says:

    I recently stumbled across your blog through a friend’s link on facebook. I can’t even remember the particular post that drew me in, but I am so glad I clicked that link to find myself here. I have continued reading your past entries almost any chance I get. Your writings inspire me. They encourage me. They are real life. And most importantly, they bring Jesus to others. Thank you for that. In regards to this particular entry, I have to tell you how much it spoke to my heart. As a momma who has a baby in heaven (as well as 3 here on earth), this calmed my soul. My sweet husband and I were married just over a year when we found out we were expecting our first blessing. We were overjoyed! Unplanned, but certainly desired, this baby became the testament of our love. Unfortunately, we were only able to spend about 13 weeks anticipating, planning, desiring this first child. For reasons still unknown, God chose to call her home. (I’ve always called her “her”.) She has been in heaven for just over 8 years now. And there is literally not a day that goes by without a thought of her. Sometimes it happens as I watch our other children playing, thinking about how much she would look like them. Sometimes it happens when I see a pregnant woman, and I remember the excitement, the glow, the anticipation. Sometimes it happens in the quiet of the night as I rock our youngest. I will forever be a mommy of 4, no matter that the rest of the world can only see 3. I write to you to thank you for sharing. To encourage you to keep sharing. Your story touched my heart and calmed my soul. Even 8 years later. Thank you. <3

  • Thank you for sharing and I am very sorry for what you have had to experience. I appreciate your whole outlook of life before and after the pain of miscarriage. we can all learn from it.

    Your experience does leave traces of pain but your survival shows possibility and hope of near future pregnancy. Do not give up just yet.

  • Lauren M. says:

    How long did it take for you to hold on to the hope of God? I know it’s there but I cannot grasp it. I still have so many struggles. I know we don’t know each other, but I just commented on your other post and I’m looking and waiting for answers. I find myself able to pray for others but not myself. I want to be thankful for the 4.5 week old baby I carried and that made me a mommy, but I wonder why he was given then taken instead.
    There is consolation in knowing that he is in heaven praising Jesus with my Mema and Grangran, their first great-grandchild to be with them, but knowing that doesn’t fill the void of no longer being a mommy.
    What did your journey through this look like? I feel so alone.

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