A few nights ago, my son was upset that I wouldn’t tell him one more bedtime story. As I walked down the hall to take my daughter to her room, my son shouted, “Well, I’m not going to be your little boy anymore.”
I knew he was upset, but his first real attempt to hurt my feelings made me sad.
After I told my daughter goodnight and walked back down the hall to my son’s room, I found him with his face buried into his pillow. I knew the words he had shouted hadn’t made him feel any better.
I sat down on the edge of his bed and put my hand on his back.
“Sweetheart, your words hurt momma’s heart, but I want you to know something right now. There is nothing you could do or say that would make you stop being my little boy. Just because you say you’re not my little boy, doesn’t mean you aren’t. I will always always be your mommy, and you will ALWAYS be my son.”
He sat up and hugged me, and I let my love remind him that nothing had changed. He was safe. He was secure. He was loved.
Oh, how I wanted to freeze that moment. I wanted to hold onto him and quiet any future doubt.
I wanted to whisper to his tender little heart,
“Yes, I will always be your mommy, and you will always be my little boy.
Even when you grow into a big elementary school boy and don’t want me to walk you into your classroom anymore.
Or when it stops being cool to give me a hug goodbye…
As you turn around from the dugout or bench or sidelines and just wish that I would quit cheering so loudly…
I will still be your mommy.
When you find yourself in trouble for the first time, when you make a mistake, when you choose to act in a way that doesn’t show God’s love…
I will still be your mommy then too.
I will still be your mommy when you are picked first or last or choose not to play at all.
When you decide you want to quit or give up and really dislike me when I make you keep going…
As you consider colleges and the future and we pray together about what you should do next,
And when the time comes and you drive away with a truck full of your things and a heart full of hope for the future…
You will still be my little boy, and I will still be your mommy.
And my son, as another girl catches your eye, or breaks your heart, or makes you chase after her…
Or when that girl becomes more than just another girl and you tell me it is love.
When there are rings, and vows and babies and long stretches in between phone calls –
I want you to remember that I will always be your mommy.
Because there are no words that you could say, and nothing you could do that would change my love for you or who you are to me.
I will always be your mommy, and you will always always be my little boy.”
And when I finished saying these words to my son, I would listen closely and hear them for myself.
I would hear my Heavenly Father gently remind my heart,
“There is nothing you could do and nothing you could say that would change my love for you.
I will always be your Heavenly Father, and you will always ALWAYS be my child.”