The Joke is Over – Why I Hope Not to See Pretend Pregnancy Announcements on April 1st

Everyone loves a good prank. Well, everyone loves a well-executed, completely harmless, all-in-good-fun prank. What I have seen take place over the last few years on social media sites is none of those things.

In the last few years, I have seen an all too common status update on April 1st (April Fool’s Day.) An announcement rings out across Newsfeeds, “I’m expecting!” “We are so excited to announce that we are expecting!” “Our bundle of joy is on the way!” This is usually followed up with a comment by the author stating that they are not actually pregnant, but rather are expecting a tax return, or the sun to rise, or something else other than the implied message.

To those who have never experienced the heartache of child-loss, who do not know the painful truth of infertility, who haven’t walked out 9 months of high-risk pregnancy… this joke might seem harmless.

But I promise you it is not.

It is hurtful. It is cruel. And it is insensitive to the nearly 7 million women in America alone who struggle with infertility daily.

The fortunate truth is that those who make these comments don’t do so with malice in their hearts. They don’t say it to get a rise out of those who do know the heartache of infertility. They do it because it is a quick and often guaranteed way to shock their friends and families.

So, my request is simple…

I want to gently remind you of all the people in your lives who would love to share with friends and family that they truly are expecting. If all of our posts about our own babies and families aren’t enough, let’s leave false pregnancies out of it. Because miscarriage and infertility are not things that we often announce publicly. We might each have friends who are currently suffering silently. And with your silly joke, you just might be hurting someone you know or care about – you just might not be aware of it.

No anger here, friends. Just another perspective.

You can click here to read my own story of Hope After Miscarriage. There is hope for you. There is healing for you. Your heart can be whole again.

 

To protect those who understand the pain explained in this post from having to defend their position on the issue in the comments below, I have chosen to not allow any negative comments. I understand that many may disagree with what is written here. Feel free to use your own personal platforms to advocate your alternative opinions.

Comments

  • Krista says:

    I love love love this and could not agree more…as a mom who lost the baby between my two boys, as a friend who walked with a woman struggling to become pregnant, even knowing girls who found themselves unexpectedly pregnant, it’s heartbreaking.

  • Katie W says:

    Thank you so much! I shared on facebook!! You said exactly how I feel but could not put it into words!!!

  • iamapplekiss says:

    I feel loved, half-way around the world. Thank you. 😉

  • Totally. Thank you for posting this. Some people don’t understand.

  • Clare says:

    Thank you for this… it’s hard enough to see people post their babies in womb progress, birth announcements and actual real pregnancy announcements without seeing the fake ones… sharing on Facebook now, hopefully it will stop at least a few of the fake ones… thank you for expressing my thoughts…

  • Joey says:

    Thank you. Absolutely nailed it.

  • Kara Finch says:

    I just want to thank you for your blog post! I happened to see it shared on another friends Facebook wall. You wrote exactly what I have been feeling for years. I am blessed with a beautiful 7 year old daughter, conceived with the use of fertility drugs and treatment however, my husband and I lost our first pregnancy and have struggled with infertility for years. I agree with you. I don’t think people realize that they could be hurting someone when they post those statuses.

    Thank you for being brave enough to say something about it!

  • I LOVE THAT YOU POSTED ABOUT THIS AWFUL PRANK! It’s not funny to joke about something so many people struggle to have. I just blogged about my loss of our 2nd and 3rd babies so I hope that helps people see that the struggle is there. Thank you again for this!! xx

  • Tara dSL says:

    Great post! I think this is excellent food for thought. For those comparing the pain and loss of infertility to trivial matters such as what you had for dinner, well, the point is clearly lost on you. If you haven’t been through it, you simply cannot comprehend the depth of suffering experienced by those who have struggled, miscarried, endured unsuccessful fertility treatments, failed adoptive placements, or the loss of a child. This is one perspective – read it, and if you feel that it doesn’t apply to you, move on. Someone else might read it and decide that they’d prefer an April Fools joke of a less hurtful nature. The point is to encourage you to see someone else’s perspective.

  • Jessica Gale says:

    I’ve suffered for 10 years from infertility. I just want to say thank you. <3

  • Amy says:

    As someone who has struggled with infertility for almost 7 years and undergone numerous surgeries, procedures, drugs, IVF, miscarriages and yet still continue to put my body through all those things for the hope of having a baby, I applaud you for posting this in a gentle and sincere manor, for those of us who don’t have the strength to write something like this on social media.

  • Jude says:

    Life long ago decided I was to be infertile through many ways. My mum could only have me, one of my aunt’s can only carry boys, my other aunt had to have injections to help her have her two children, and me none. I was then hit by some jackass in a sports car daddy bought him, four days after his driving test, and who didn’t understand the meaning of speed limits. This resulted in me only having half a pelvis, one hip and leg, removing any chance of carrying with a donor egg. And on top of that, I’m allergic to high levels of oestrogen. So, there is absolutely no chance on Earth for me to have children naturally, and I cannot tell you how much I hate, hate, hate these jokes.

    They make my blood boil, especially because there’s no malice involved, just sheer thoughtlessness.

  • Heather Fallon says:

    I could not agree with you more. And it’s not just for April Fools Day, it’s apparently a new thing on the Breast Cancer Awareness email/prank that’s going around. I fail to see where joking about being pregnant raises breast cancer awareness. It’s hurtful and I’m beyond tired of it.

    -H

  • Sarah says:

    Thank you, finally about time someone said this.
    Drives me nuts how many people say this on April fools. It’s flat out lying and you just don’t know how it could affect someone else. Woman who can’t get pregnant or just experience a miscarriage.

  • AndieJo says:

    I have never lost a child and I pray that I never do. However, I have had two high risk pregnancies. My husband and me tried for ten years and although we had a daughter ( not jointly, he adopted my daughter) couldn’t conceive. I worked for a low income preschool and witnessed everyday, women having children and abusing them. My heart ached and then my sister unfortunately had multiple miscarriages and then lost my niece at 28 weeks. Maddie lived ten minutes and my sister was still out and never saw her. The loss was too great to bare. When our oldest was 12, we discovered we were 9 months pregnant. It wasn’t an easy pregnancy, but I was confident we would be fine. At 29 weeks, I went into labor and Elie spent 37 days in the hospital. She was 3lbs 3 oz. It was one of the hardest times in my life. I experienced so many emotions: guilt for my child being in NICU and me leaving her behind, guilt that my child survived, and that I had to leave my oldest to visit Elie. Elie was a healthy baby and by the grace of God, just needed to learn things we take for granted: eating and breathing. She’s three now and amazing!
    Marlie was a c section and was taken early due to her weight. She was 10lbs 12oz and spent a few days in NICU for sugar issues. My girls are my life and I am so blessed to have them. Thank you for this!

  • Deanna says:

    Thank you.

  • Amy says:

    Bless your heart! Thanks for saying this in a kind yet firm manner! Once you feel the pain of empty arms (for whatever reason) you realize the need to stop & think before you say & do stuff like this! Thanks again

  • Susie Hay says:

    My heart aches for every woman that has gone thru this. Two years ago my stepdaughter called me and had just got the devastating news that after 2 term normal pregnancies that resulted in our beautiful Grandgirls she was miscarrying with the third baby. It ripped my heart out literally. I’m not guiltless I am one of those ppl that joined in this very prank and not for one second even thinking how it could hurt someone. For that I am so sorry and it will never happen again.

  • Kandie says:

    You know it was a very hard struggle for me to have my son!! 5 pregnancy’s and one beautiful baby boy… 2 years ago that was my joke I was pregnant. My son’s aunt says … well that explains your mood swings.. i joke and say April fools … well come to find out on April 2nd … I WAS PREGNANT!!! Good luck to those mothers

  • ashley merida says:

    I never thought if it that way! Thank you for opening up my eyes. I will definitely pass this on because it’s something I would do and not even think about it hurting anyone!

  • Melissa says:

    Thank you!

  • Kelly says:

    My first child died from a birth defect called anancephly. I hate the casual use of the term “no brainer”.

  • Sara says:

    This is exactly what I was thinking about today when I realized tomorrow was April Fool’s day. It is hard enough to be happy for friends and family who post about their actual pregnancies, but it is definitely harder when people post jokes about pregnancies. I am glad someone shared your blog on my Facebook timeline!

  • Susan Hollaway says:

    What a wonderful post! Thank you for posting it. It’s a lesson so many need to realize because they do not know what they’re doing to others with this particular prank.

  • Alyson says:

    Thank you for this! I’ve experienced infertility, Loss, and Want… It’s nothing to joke about. For those that have, I pray that they never have to experience the pain.
    (Shared)

  • Kaluraj says:

    I have to admit that I’ve taken part in this prank. When I first joined FB, I posted the photo of a positive pregnancy stick. I then received tons of comments congratulating me and my husband. After explaining it was just a joke, all of the comments were light and playful and the day went on and so did life. I never thought for one moment about all of the women I knew who actually went through this in real life. I should have known better. The thought never even crossed my mind. And that upsets me a little because I’ve always considered myself to be the type of person that always considers others feelings before saying or doing anything.
    Your post struck a cord in me and made me think. The whole world should be so thoughtful. We should all think before we speak. We’re all entitled to our own opinions, just stop and consider your entire audience FIRST.
    Thanks for your perspective!
    Much love,
    Kalurah

  • erin says:

    Brilliant. Thanks for sharing this idea!!

  • I so agree, great post! It’s hurtful and people may not even realize it.

  • Sarah says:

    This would never have occurred to me–thanks for pointing it out so kindly!

  • Pam Wall says:

    Thankfully I have never had to experience the struggle of infertility or the loss of a child. I do not find these “pranks” amusing at all and always think of all the people they may actually hurt. My thoughts are with those currently struggling.

  • Sharon says:

    When we were going through our brief bout of secondary infertility we were handed a printed letter sent to many people (think Christmas letter) with a drawing that they said depicted our son playing with the couple’s child (to tell what good friends they were). Then, at the end of the letter it said, “Oh, we were mistaken about the drawing. We just found out it’s the child we have on the way, due in ___.” This was a good friend I had confided in about the indignities of infertility and my heartache. It really hurt that she couldn’t tell me in person. But then she went on to have an “unplanned” pregnancy after that. She simply had no idea what I was going through. I think people who put these jokes up don’t either, but it must hurt. Thanks for saying something.

  • Couldn’t agree more! Thank you for spreading the word and supporting issues that we at Miss.Conception Coach are also so passionate about. xoxo

  • Jill says:

    Thank you for this! As my husband & I go thru our 3rd attempt at IVF….and prepare ourselves for another failure, we were both just talking about dreading FB tomorrow due to these posts. I hope this article goes viral & people take note. Thank you again for putting my thoughts, my hurt, & my constant struggle in words.

  • chrissy says:

    I couldn’t agree more!!! Thank u for posting. Lets not forget that game that floats around fb too (below) I was happy for my friend until I got this message. I was pist! I am all in support of breast cancer awareness but not yhis way! Making family and friends think ur pregnant and then turn around and say it was a joke…smh common ladies that’s nothing to joke about.

    Hello pretty ladies, it’s that time of year again, in support of breast cancer awareness!! So we all remember last years game of writing your bra color as your status?…..or the way we like to have our handbag handy? Remember last year so many people took part that it made national news and, the constant updating of status reminded everyone why we’re doing this and helped raise awareness!! Do NOT tell any males what the status’ mean, keep them guessing!! And please copy and paste (in a message )this to all your female friends to see if we can make a bigger fuss this year than last year!!! I did my part… now YOUR turn ! Go on ladies…and let’s have all the males guessing! .. It’s time to confuse the men again. The idea is to choose the month you were born and the day you were born. Pass this on to the girls only and lets see how far it reaches around. The last one about the bra went round all over the world.
    • So you’ll write… I’m (your birth month) weeks and I’m craving (your birth date)!!! as your status.
    Example: Feb 14th= I’m 2 weeks and craving Choclolate mints!! January-1week, Febuary-2weeks March-3weeks, April-4weeks, May-6weeks, June-8weeks, July-10weeks, August-12weeks September-13weeks, October-14weeks, November-16weeks December-18weeks Days of the month: 1-Skittles 2-Starburst 3-Kit-Kat 4-M&M’s 5-Galaxy 6-Crunchie 7-Dairy Milk 8-Lollipop 9-Peanut Butter Cups 10-Meat Balls 11-Twizzlers 12-Bubble Gum 13-Hershey’s Kisses 14-Chocolate Mints 15-Twix 16-Resse’s Fastbreak 17-Fudge 18-Cherry Jello 19-Milkyway 20-Pickels 21-Creme Eggs 22 Skittles 23-Gummy Bears 24-Gummy Worms 25-Strawberry Pop Tarts 26-Starburst 27-Mini Eggs 28-Kit-Kat Chunkie 29-Double Chocolate Chip Crunchy Cookies 30-Smarties 31-Chocolate Cake
    PLEASE LEAVE THE CONVERSATION AFTER YOU COPY AND PASTE TO YOUR FRIENDS!!! Have fun with this Ladies and happy Cancer Awareness month to all Survivors!!!!

  • Cyndi says:

    Thank you!

  • Khaleesi says:

    thank you thank you thank you for writing this!!

  • CJ says:

    Thank you for speaking so eloquently for those of us who are or have dealt with infertility issues. It took us 4 years of tests, surgery, and finally IVF before we were blessed with our son.
    My sister also has issues and has had one healthy baby, one stillborn, and 3 miscarriages.
    It is a VERY sensitive subject and one more people should be attuned to.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  • Thao says:

    I appreciate this post. We experienced infertility and even though we are now blessed with our kids, I find these type of joke posts in poor taste. And I happen to be born on April 1st.

  • Denise says:

    PREACH. I say this every year.

  • Denise says:

    I have lost two children. I’m still thrilled for those who are fortunate enough to have children. Seeing ultrasounds and baby pictures still brings me joy. I’m happy for my friends who can have a baby, I’m happy for total strangers who can have a baby. I also find a joke to be just that, a joke. An Aprils fools prank about a pregnancy is not aimed at me, or all the other women in the world who have lost children or could never have children. I do not take it personally. If a pregnancy prank makes someone laugh or brings them joy, I say go for it. I understand the pain, but I don’t understand asking others to conform because of my misfortune. It’s not created to hurt you, the only way it hurts you is if you allow it.

  • Beth says:

    I helped a couple by being a surrogate and delivering a baby boy for them on January 2. My special gift to them took my last chance to have another baby of my own and it has been very hard watching so many people around me having babies. Thank you for writing this blog post… people just don’t seem to understand how something so small could hurt so much.

  • Laura says:

    Thank you for this… It’s hard enough seeing friends and family announcing and sharing photos of their upcoming expectant pregnancies without seeing fake ones just to get a rise out of someone else. As someone who has had miscarriages with a loss of 3 babies, struggling with infertility, procedures, drugs and starting IVF continuing to put my body through all of these things for the hope of having a baby. Thank you for expressing my thoughts.

  • David says:

    I saw this prank on facebook last year. I laughed. I see your perspective, and I respect it. That said, if I saw it again this year, I’d probably still laugh.

  • David says:

    Just read some more of your blog. It is really good! Just wanted to let you know that…

  • carrie says:

    I’d also like to add to not April fools your pregnancy into a twin pregnancy. Not funny or fun for all of is who have lost multiples. The real announcements are already tortorous.

  • ChimChims says:

    I’ve experienced all of them – infertility, loss, and high risk pregnancy. I so get this, and will be sharing it for my friends who are still waiting. <3

  • Cecilia says:

    I learned at 17 that I wouldn’t be having children due to an extreme case of endometriosis. Age 24 came a total hysterectomy. I have learned to smile at folks when they are SURE that I still have a chance….they have no idea of the background story. They don’t do it out of malice, so it’s good to educate people “with love” that everyone is suffering in some hidden way. Be careful of the words you use…..no matter how innocent you think they are.

  • Lindsey says:

    You got it right! Let’s comment, like and share this post til it’s viral.

  • Rachel says:

    I’ve never lost a child and I am blessed with 2 of my own. I thankfully have never pulled this prank but thank you for opening my eyes to this! I never thought something like this could be so silently hurtful! It has opened my eyes to be aware of so much more then this now! Thank you!

  • Heidi says:

    I had a miscarriage last year on March 31st and the next day I saw these kinds of jokes on Facebook. It was so hard for me to offer congratulations to them in the midst of my pain but I did, only to be angered the next day to find out it was a joke. I hope this helps people see what other people are going through and there are other things that are far funnier to post.

  • Jeremy says:

    I really love this post and will repost it. I am sorry to have to say the I totally agree woth this but dont agree with the fact you post that women are affected. Us men are affected as well. Maybe not equally affected but none the less we hurt we cry we mourn. As man, husband, a father, and a father of angels that my wife and I have lost please dont leave us out in this. We hurt just as much

  • Joi says:

    I’m celebrating the two year anniversary of a miscarriage. We have done everything to be parents. When I responded to a friends post that was like this her response to me (after knowing of my lost) said “oh you should do this too”. I applaud you on reminding people to be thoughtful to those of us who have been waiting to be parents. Thank you for sharing.

  • Jayme says:

    I love this so much. Its gut wrenching everytime a real announcement is posted, so when its just a joke to the other person its down right cruel. I know they don’t intend any harm, but they don’t realize they probably sent someone into tears of heartache the second they posted it, and then retracted and made someone feel like they take their pain as a joke.

  • Ashley says:

    Thank You! From myself who has struggled for years with infertility its nice to see others stand up as well!

  • Cheryl says:

    Thank you for supporting women who struggle with infertility! Your words were spot on!

  • THANK YOU!

    I would have inadvertently made this same mistake before my own early second trimester miscarriage…or my high risk pregnancy with twins (who were born early but healthy…) or my last pregnancy that ended with the burial of our baby boy who couldn’t grow big enough to live longer than a few short minutes…further complicated by the reality that any future pregnancies would result similarly, as my body develops severe early-onset preeclampsia. Real pregnancy announcements are still heartbreaking, seventeen months after our loss…to read about pretend ones? Yeah…I don’t want to think about it.

    My love and thanks for this kindhearted post!

  • Kim says:

    Thank you. I didn’t realize. You have converted at least one!

  • Kassi says:

    I am embarrassed and sad to say that at one time in my life I thought this was a good idea. I thought it would be funny to trick my husband into thinking I was pregnant for April fools day, thinking that it would be a terrible thing to happen at the time. We were living in a tiny apartment, we had no money, my husband worked and was in school full time and I worked full time to help him through. We were stressed most of the time and could barely pay the bills. Complete with balloons and a fake, positive pregnancy test I pulled it off and to my utter shock and bewilderment my husband had the sweetest, most genuine response I could never have imagined. He smiled so sweetly and with surprising excitement said “Really??!!!!!” I have never felt like more of a horrible person in my entire life. The saddest part was that I think I hurt myself far more than I hurt him. I thought I might cry after I saw his response and had to tell him that it was a completely immature and childish april fools joke that really turned out to be no joke at all. In fact the joke was really on me! Fast forward 5 years.
    2 years of trying to get pregnant with no success and I still haven’t forgiven myself for that stupid prank. Although I never posted it on Facebook I know how it feels to want something so badly and for it to not work out for you. I also have several friends in the same predicament and I can’t in my wildest dreams imagine doing something like that again. Take this to heart and remember that someone is struggling whither you know it or not. We all just need to be a bit more sensitive.

  • Amber says:

    3 years agog his April 1st I did find out I was expecting my daughter. No one believed me what so ever till April 10th when I found out I was 6 weeks 6 days everyone thought I was just pulling ” the stunt” after being told by my I gym for 4 years I had no chances of having a child my excited happy emotional time was shut down with April fools day.. To all those who are infernal or still trying everything they can to have a child may god walk this journey with you hand in hand and guide you towards your happiness. Best of luck

  • Shanice says:

    I thank you so much. This means so much! God bless.

  • T S says:

    As a couple who faced this for nearly 2 decades before our first adoption, article author, you don’t speak for us. Our private pain is not a reason to shut someone else down. It’s a tired and expected joke now, but a cute prank when it was fresh.

  • catherine says:

    Very well put.

  • A woman on the side lines says:

    You provide an interesting perspective that I would like to add to. As a women who has dealt with the emotions of infertility and will never be able to carry my own child, never be able to feel a baby kick or move inside of me, I respectfully disagree with your post. Now, I would not pull this kind of prank because everyone I know understands my struggles, and that wouldn’t be funny coming from me. While your post is well written and a nice thought, this is not the case for all women that have struggled through infertility or miscarriages or the loss of a child. It is a tough situation to go through, but I would rather see some japer out there getting a rise out of Grandma with an April fool’s joke about being pregnant than some other woman actually having a child and neglecting it. That, to me, is hurtful and cruel and hits much harder than someone having a little harmless fun. Of course, I am able to smile at those jokes with the help of Heavenly Father. Without Him, I would not be at peace with my challenges of fertility. Without Him, I would not be at peace with my situation. I appreciate your message, but I would challenge those who are hurt by the harmless jokes to find peace through Heavenly Father and let others have their fun :)

  • Jillian says:

    I have been very fortunate to have never suffered from infertility, but I feel guilty for it, almost! I truly feel terrible that I can get pregnant so easily and I have so many friends and family members who cannot. I appreciate this post so much because you say everything so perfectly! I am one who is typically very sensitive to those who have difficulty conceiving, but it’s still so hard because I don’t know what it’s like, and I wish I could let others see how much I care for them! Many people above have commented that it’s hard to see normal pregnancy announcements to begin with. Any suggestions on how to do that without hurting or offending? I am always so scared that my announcement that I’m pregnant is going to hurt someone I love! So far the only thing I’ve come up with is taking the time to message close friends and family members BEFORE the general announcement, so they have a moment to take it all in. If you feel so inclined, please feel free to email me some more suggestions if you have any!

  • Jamie says:

    Thank you for putting words to what my heart can’t utter.

  • Maegan says:

    I agree with you i have been trying for 6 year to have a baby and i don’t think people should joke about something like that because it does hart the one’s that really want a baby so think you for posting and sharing this

  • Tawnie says:

    This is perfect! It hits home hard, and people may not even be thinking about the pain they are causing someone without even realizing or really meaning to. Thank you for bringing this issue to light!

  • Suzy says:

    Love it. I used to dread April fools day almost as much as I dreaded Mother’s Day. I know people aren’t doing it to be mean, which is why I’m thankful for posts like this one that explain the problem with it in a gentle way. :)

  • Carrie says:

    Just want to say THANK YOU! it’s hard enough being chronically ill and dealing with pain every day. When my neuro and OB/GYN both told me that if I got pregnant I not only would be high risk but could also kill myself, the baby or both of us before I ever delivered. Even if I was already at the hospital I could have a brain aneurism and they wouldn’t be able to save us. I cried fibro months hearing that news. always thought I would a mother. I had taken care of everybody’s kids since I was 5yrs old when was it going to be my turn? Always saw myself with my own child but year after year oases and we have been married 10 years now and April 14 I will be 39. Bio clock is off the chart since I haven’t had a baby. We have decided to move to a larger house and adopt. My husband is the most wonderful and understanding man on the planet! we had always talked about having 2 kids and it like to killed me when they said we couldn’t! Seeing people post sonograms on Facebook and other social media is just as bad as these false pregnancy announcements. Unfriended several people because of it. People just don’t think! Admittedly I didn’t either and before it happened to me it never crossed my mind I would be hurting someone. TY again for this post I added it to my timeline hopefully people take the not so subtle hint!

  • Natalie says:

    My heart goes out to every woman who has either lost a child or never been able to have one and desperately wants one. Before I got pregnant with my daughter, the most depressing thing was to see a pregnant woman. In my case though, it was more because their pregnancy was evidence that they and their fella had a relationship my husband and I struggled to have for the first year of our marriage. That being said, those who post this kind of prank on facebook are not trying to be cruel. They are completely unaware of hurting anyone. My husband actually wanted to do something like this, but I wouldn’t let him. I personally don’t think it’s funny to joke about something so special.

  • Raye says:

    I want to have a baby very badly, yes it is kinda hard seeing family members and friends constantly posting about their babies or babies on the way. I understand where you are coming from, but people just get too offended by every little thing. Maybe if its something that bothers you so much, instead of telling people to not post something because of your personal feelings you should just not get on social media for the day, or unfriend the ‘offenders’ if it bothers you that much. Or just realize that people can post whatever they want to just like you can and you have no control over other peoples lives or opinions.

  • Shannon says:

    THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I am just so glad I do not stand alone on this matter! After almost 7 years of trying, 9 babies lost- infertility is the WORST thing Ive been through in my life. I am 31yrs old, have Stage 4 Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Fibromyalgia, Lupus & a few other health problem and currently waiting to see an Endometriosis Specialist to see if I should just gave a hysterectomy or what. Ive had 8 laporoscopies for endometriosis already & just seems to get worse as Im aging.

  • Elle says:

    Perhaps there’s more explanation needed for those of us who love people in this situation, but who haven’t experience it. I don’t understand at all how this is more painful than that people really having children and announcing it.

  • Shannon says:

    Thank you for this! More people need to speak out about this!
    After a couple years of countless medications, injections, disappointing
    Drs appointments, no privacy, multiple failed IUI’s and a grueling
    round of IVF we finally conceived, only to have bleeding at 5 weeks
    Then again at 10 weeks with a placental abruption diagnosis that never
    Went away. It grew to almost 10cm and if was on bed rest the last half
    Of my pregnancy. I feared 24hrs a day for 9 months that we’d lose our
    Precious girl. She was born healthy and I don’t take for granted the fact
    That we were able to have her. I hope to be a voice for those struggling
    With infertility and high risk pregnancies. Why would ANYONE joke about
    Such a thing. Your post was beautifully stated! Good for you for speaking
    Out!

  • Grace O'Neill says:

    Hi. I found my self unexpectedly pregnant on 14th March 2011. I was shocked, scared, horrified, overwhelmed & amazed as i have PCOS & was told at the age of 20 i would probably never have children! Her dad & I were not together but we were friends who dated & enjoyed each others company. I have always been careful as i never wanted to be a single mum but this is what eventually happened. I had a big decision to make over the next few weeks, i was supposed to be joining the Navy when baby would be due, but there was only one decision for me so I went for it despite her dad ignoring all contact i tried to make with him. I now have a very intelligent & cheeky 2 year 4 month old girl who i love & despite everything we have been through I would not change having her for the world. I have a friend with fertility issues due to endometriosis & she is having her one try at IVF this year. She has had two failed inseminations in the last 2 years & is really hurting. As she is on her own she is having to pay privately for her chance to be a mum herself but i will always be there for her. She will be an amazing mum even if she ends up only being able to adopt & I so hope she manages to fall pregnant this time. On a brighter note I have recently managed to track down my little girls dad & we are trying to deal with his immaturity & fear that drove him to ignore us for so long. It is a long road that we have just started travelling but i am hopeful he will finally do what is right by his daughter.
    I send a wish & love to all those trying for,hoping for, wishing for & wanting for a child of their own to hold, love & cherish. I feel so lucky that i got a chance even if it was not how i expected it xxxx

  • Marie says:

    This is so true. I was not able to have children. Thankfully, God blessed me with two foster children I later adopted, though they were older when they came, so I still missed all the baby fun. I love my kids, but I do sometimes feel that ache when I see a baby. Jokes like this do feel like a stab to the heart. Thank you for so eloquently expressing this.

  • Bonnie says:

    Precious one…I know the feeling of heartache, but don’t let the enemy make you bitter. It’s only harmless fun. The fun doesn’t have to and SHOULDN’T stop because we hurt. Enjoy the fun. Who knows…perhaps a little joke lifts another’s spirits in ways you or I can’t see. We all have our hurts. We all need to be free to have our fun. Blessings to you, beloved of God.

  • Enlightening perspective and thoughts.

    As a natural “gotcha” person (one who likes to joke and prank) I’ve never looked at how that type of joke could bring undue pain/heartache.

    My wife and I know also the pain of the loss of a child, as well as 9 months of pregnancy scares with 3 children. High blood pressure, etc. etc. Somewhere in there with the birth of 3 healthy children after the loss of our first I am guilty of being insensitive in April 1st pasts.

    Thanks for the reminder. Appreciate your openness. This brings new perspective and awareness to be mindful of what we say.

  • Jennifer Pfluger says:

    I agree and appreciate this being posted infertility is a hidden subject that most women dont have to deal with but for those who do it is heartbreaking , I have just literally come to the decision recently that I will not bear child but rather have surrogate or adoption

  • Doerthe says:

    Hugs to you! <3 I totally understand why you wrote that. And I agree with you. For me having an own child will always be a wish, because I can't have own children due to my health conditions. Living with CRPS is hard and if you would love to have own children, it is horrible to see such jokes around the internet! Every time I see someone make fun about being pregnant, it makes me very sad.
    I really hope that one day all the young girls will understand what they are doing with their jokes and how deep they hurt loving and caring people with it.

  • Marisa says:

    I’ve never really been hurt by people posting this kind of prank in the past 5 years of trying to conceive, but finding out today (after being almost positive that I was)that I’m not pregnant brings it home. I can’t even hardly sit and type this without tears rolling down my face. I have several friends that have struggled with infertility and/or have lost babies. This was their year whether by birth or by adoption, my friends have their little miracles and we are still waiting.

  • Brittany says:

    Thank you so much for this post. I miscarried but my due date was supposed to be this month. Fake pregnancy announcements are always heartbreaking to me but especially now.

  • Laura says:

    Thank you so much for sharing. I agree with you 100%. As a mother of two, before we were blessed, my husband and I went through 3 miscarriages (1 was a set of twins. It is hard to explain to anyone who has not felt that kind of loss. Those jokes are extremely painful to those who are struggling to know that joy.

  • Cecilia says:

    Thanks for your courage to share!

  • Michelliott says:

    Thank you so much for posting this. A person can not truly understand unless they have walked this journey. Reading this post really helps me to not feel so alone.

  • Kristi says:

    I called my sister one April Fool’s to tell her that I was pregnant (I am the one who struggles with infertility, she has 4 kids). I told her the truth before we got off the phone. She had been so excited for me, and was now feeling disappointed for me. She retorted with, “just for that, you’re gonna have a baby on April Fool’s Day”. True to her “prophecy”, our baby boy was born on April 1st of 2011 (2 years after the “joke”). I think about that conversation with a smile in my heart.

  • John says:

    I agree completely. May I suggest we remember the men who also have infertility. Sometimes, it’s both partners who struggle with this.

  • Kristi says:

    I do understand the pain of loss (2 miscarriages), and my husband and I struggled to even have the one child we do have. I am so grateful for him, it sometimes overwhelms me, and fills my heart with such joy. I don’t take any offense though to the fake pregnancy announcements. I think they are funny, because of my experience with playing that joke on my sister so many years ago. But I can see how for some, it can be hurtful. I went to a couple of baby showers within 2 months after I had miscarried. I went home crying both times. But those friends of mine had gone through 2 miscarriages each, and I wanted to be there to celebrate their miracles.

  • b says:

    Thank you this was very beautiful. I’ve had six miscarriages sometimes its so hard to be happy for friends and families having bundles of joy. The guy I was with for years cheated on me and is now having a baby with the other women he’s so happy he justed wanted a boy and now he’s gonna get to hold him in July while my heart breaks BC I couldn’t give him a baby ;(

  • Torrie H says:

    I am so happy to see this :) Those jokes couldn’t be more cruel, that is for sure….my husband and I have been dealing with infertility for six years and we have yet to get our miracle…seeing those FAKE pregnancy announcements just makes the reality of infertility that much harder to bear :( I appreciate you for posting this :) Maybe people will think before they post things next time :) :)

  • Maranda Bailey says:

    Thank you for your blog. I’ve been pregnant twice,both high risk. My first daughter was a stillborn,and my second was born blue and a 5lb baby(she is healthy now). But I see stuff on facebook where people are taking pregnancy a little too lightly.

  • Christina says:

    Thank you so much for saying what I do not have the courage to say. It is heartbreaking each and every day to see all the posts about kids and family knowing I am silently suffering with infertility and a broken heart. I know that there are so many out there who also feel my pain, so I thank you for being a voice for those of us who are too heartbroken to say it for ourselves.

  • Elizabeth says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! I just lost a baby 2 weeks ago, my 5th loss, 7th pregnancy. I am soooo very blessed to have my two beautiful children here on earth, but I still hurt and ache for the ones we’ve lost. And I truly, deeply LOVE a real pregnancy announcement and delight in seeing the updates of pregnant friends. But fake pregnancy announcements just trivialize the pain and suffering we have been through.

  • Victoria Clark says:

    AMEN! It was comforting to read this AFTER I read someone’s FB post about the exact topic!! Ty and god bless! xo

  • Joanne Reed says:

    I respectfully disagree. I think that all “pranks” should be neutral in content. There is nothing fun about making fun of anyone, no matter how mildly meant.

    I do hope that you will post this on your website, as it is a respectful disagreement.

  • Melissa Ricks says:

    Thank you so much for this wonderful article. As a woman who recently found out I’m in the category of those 7 million other woman this came right on time! GOD Bless You!!

    Melissa

  • Jen says:

    As someone who just lost her little girl one month ago, I could not agree more.
    Thank you for this.

  • Janel says:

    Agreed. I do not think it’s a “funny” prank at all. They just don’t know or understand though. I’m sure their intent is never to hurt someone’s heart. I’m totally guilty of thinking something is funny (because I tend laugh at a lot in life) and stepping on someone’s toes unintentionally. :/

    But I also view infertility as a blessing as well. Not disregarding the pain and longing I feel. Going on 32 years old… I NEVER thought my life would look like this. We thought we would have 4 children by now living in the Sunshine Coast in Australia. I firmly believe that infertility is no accident by God. He has chosen this path for my husband and I. We have grown to trust in God’s ultimate plan and long for the day when our adoption process is complete and we have a child… or children. In the meantime, using the “free” time for ministry and spending quality time with friends and family… momma in waiting, Lord willing. Unfortunately our life never looks like what we want or think it should look like. Adoption is not easy. In fact, it’s been quite heartbreaking and stressful (not to mention the cost), but my husband and I have grown immensely with each other and our relationship with the Lord. Infertility is His plan and His plan is the best. Always. It’s so hard to understand. Sometimes the FB posts of sonograms and baby bumps kinda prick your heart. God’s desire is for us to love and serve Him and have a pure heart in everything. Jealousy and bitterness of other’s joyful life experiences only hurts us and puts a wedge in our relationship with God. It’s not about us or our plans.

    Leaning and trusting that His plan for us isn’t ordinary or easy, but so rewarding because it’s His! :)

  • Amber says:

    Thank you so much for writing this and posting it. I’ve shared it widely.

    I know there are a lot of people who’ve read this and been in opposition to it. Even women who’ve experienced infertility or loss have said that you do not speak for them (true) and that they do not feel this way (which they’re entirely entitled to). But the thing is….Lots of us DO feel this way. And it has a lot to do with personal circumstances at the time. 4 years out from my first trimester loss, a prank positive test wouldn’t have fizzed on me at all. Just months out from my second trimester loss…you bet your ass it hurts. EVERY pregnancy announcement, EVERY ultrasound picture hurts. One day it won’t, but it does right now. It’s like a knife in the gut each time. YES, I’m happy for for those friends. Of course I am. I don’t begrudge them their happiness. But I’m still mourning the loss of the baby girl I never got to hold.

    So for those out there that just don’t understand why someone would feel this way, why not just accept that a mourning parent’s feelings are valid, whatever those feelings might be? And take it upon yourself not to add to their pain, particularly for something so trivial.

  • thank you so much for your post some people just don’t understand I miscarried my first pregnancy which was a little girl I was crushed I hated every pregnant person I saw well I got pregnant again the whole nine months was dangerous then came time for the baby to come they had to induce then emergency c section but unaware of what was going on my husband had to choose if push came to shove between me and our child but by the grace of God I had a beautiful boy very small but alive which will be 35 years old in july I was then told not to even think about trying for another which I didn’t I had one miracle that I was blessed with but then without even trying I got pregnant again which he was a big miracle touch and go throughout the pregnancy but he will turn 33 this July so I thank God all the time for my boys I wish I could offer you some encouragement but only God knows the perfect words G od bless you and all the woman out there who can’t conceive including my sister

  • Prmise says:

    I agree with this as a mom who last her Daughter at 9 months and had 2 miscarrages after and now is pregnant at 12weeks but is at high risk! Its very difficult to hear those awful pregnancy jokes,last year I deleted a lot of people because of doing that! I want to Thank you for posting this and that I am not alone!

  • Kammy says:

    I love this so much! I can’t believe the selfish people who would try to make jokes when other people might be offended!! What is wrong with them?!

  • Ash says:

    Thank you for this. I have already seen one fake pregnancy post today. I struggle with learning that my friends are pregnant, battling between pain and happiness for them. It is too much of a heartache to have to experience all of the emotions for a joke.

  • Rebecca says:

    Thank you. It has always bothered me when people post fake pregnancies. My own sister struggles to have children and I have another sister who lost a baby. It’s just rude to make jokes about something that isn’t funny. It’s also not funny to the family who really wants them to have a baby (Like grandparents, ect.) Thank you for saying what I’ve always thought.

  • bk says:

    Amen! It also irritates me that women who should NEVER have children get pregnant and go on to have healthy babies; while we have to sit back and grieve over our loses and watch it happen right before us! Granted I have 3 happy, healthy, beautiful children, I know the pain of losing a child. I lost my 4th last year 3 weeks after my grandmother’s funeral (I honestly think the stress and grief of losing her is what caused me to miscarry, either way I don’t blame her, I think it was just a factor because I took her death hard and am still not over it!). We have since decided 3 was enough, God blessed us with them and taking the 4th was him reminded us to be thankful for what we were already blessed with (plus, granny needed someone to keep her company up there :) ).

  • Theresa says:

    Amen! So true. We miscarried twice between our boys-1 baby, 1 miscarriage, 1 baby, 1 miscarriage, 1 baby-it was heart breaking because we “felt” they were the girls we longed for so desperately. We are wonderfully blessed with our boys and now our grand daughter, and we know we will see our babies someday. Now my brother and his wife are trying to have a child of their own (he has 2 from first marriage). It’s heartbreaking watching them go through this and them being apart because he is in the Army. We just pray that God sends them a child of their own. God bless to all! Hugs!!!

  • Sarah says:

    First of all Thank you for having the courage to write about this. As a pediatric Nurse I see too often women who cannot conceive or babies spent in NICU or children who are abused. I do agree that this prank is not meant to hurt anyone but it does. I had 7 pregnancies and only 3 children but they are my life! When my youngest was born I was told I could absolutely by no means get pregnant again. It was heartbreaking. Sadly enough I was in the doctors office this morning with one of my children and one of the nurses was ending her husband a text as a joke! She then was like I hope he doesn’t tell anyone! This just shows how thoughtless this prank can be! Thank you again for your courage! Have a blessed week!

  • Jamie B says:

    I love this article. 6 years ago today I found out that my unborn son no longer had a heartbeat. April fools day is a day that I have struggled with since that day. Thank you for the amazing article!

  • Theresa Thrower says:

    People should understand that it is not a joking matter to women that so badly want a child and can’t have any or are constantly trying to have a child, i feel for them all. I too was in the same situation with wanting a child after my husband and I were married and couldn’t get pregnant BUT NEVER GIVE UP TRYING!! We were married 11 yrs. never taking anything for birth control then close to the end of the 11th year I found out I was almost 3 months pregnant (never would of guessed it in a million years)! My husband was outta town working for 2 months so i had to call him and tell him, least to say HE WAS HAPPY along with myself. By the way we had a happy, gorgeous little boy. I guess what i’m saying is never give up hope (i almost did)cause he was our gift from the GOOD LORD and i am thankful for him everyday. P.S. Ppl thought we never would have children I was 31 and my husband turned 53 the day our son was 3 days old. :)

  • miranda says:

    This post rings so true and is so close to home for me as I’ve been struggling to get pregnant for3 years now. Infertility is a very hard thing to deal with. I am only 25 and only have an 11% chance of carrying a child. It hurts to the core to see people post ignorant things like that. But it’s nice to know there are other people who understand.

  • Kara says:

    Thank you for this. After several years of trying and not being able to conceive my husband and I turned to fertility drugs which didn’t work either….we ended up having to go with IVF which gave us our son who is almost 5. Fast forward 3 years and we decided to try again to give him a brother or sister…..after 3 failed IVF treatments and a lot of heartache we decided to try once more but with donner sperm….we were blessed with a set of health twins who are going to be 2 in August. Seeing these jokes does hurt and some just don’t realize the pain that it causes to those who have had fertility issues…..we don’t always want to tell everyone what we are going through because it is painful to talk about. Thank you for this post and I hope that those who see this think twice before posting about a false pregnancy.

  • Kristi says:

    I cannot relate to the heartbreak as I am childless by choice, but I definitely agree on the inappropriateness of pregnancy as an April Fool. That’s really not something to joke about. My morning facebook post was “I refuse to believe any engagements, marriages or pregnancies today.”

  • Donna says:

    Thanks so much. It is nice to know that others feel the same as you do.

  • Kristen says:

    You are so right..As a women who struggled with conceiving and going through many miscarriages i finally had twins a boy and girl 13 yrs ago with the help of fertility treatment and fought to stay pregnant every step of the way and made it to 32 wks but they were healthy and thought that was it for me and was blessed with what god gave me and out of the blue in january of 2013 i found out i was pregnant and now also have a 9 month old daughter. the pain of infertility is astronomical and people who don’t understand think that joking about being pregnant is funny and its not that pain is unmeasurable and maybe people who read ur post will see how insensitive and tasteless it really is thank you so much and god bless..

  • Amy says:

    Thank you for being So bold in posting this. As a girl who comes from a family where having a baby is a challenge and having a history of infertility on both sides of the family, people who haven’t been through this will never understand the pain. I’ve even personally felt some people seem to rudely rub with comments which included counting how many kids they have to me, which i’ll leave to God to judge. I think people need to be more aware of how insensitive it is to post things like this.

  • Sarah says:

    As a mom who did lose my first pregnancy, in it’s 9th week, on April 1 1994, I could not agree with you more. I did go on to have two more beautiful children, but the sad irony of that day, which was no joke, is never lost on me.

  • stacy says:

    I can see how this could hurt feelings. I lost 2 pregnancies and suffered infertility after. I know first hand how much I hurt at the beginning. The good news is, that the pain gets less, and you learn to deal with things that you can’t control. This isn’t a case of people making these sorts of jokes doing something wrong. They are making a joke! We are just hurting, and these jokes (and other situations like baby showers, etc) bring up the hurt to the surface. As time goes on we learn to deal with the emotions less personally. IT DOES GET BETTER!

  • Jenny says:

    WOW! Absolutely loved this post!! For those who have never been through infertility or a child loss, they don’t understand the hurt it causes.

  • CB says:

    I agree with the people who have said that we cannot let others’ joys or attempts at humor be offensive to us because of our situation.
    We can choose to be hurt and offended when other people receive/have what we so desperately desire, but it only serves to make us miserable.

  • Kristal says:

    Very heart warming message..I agree & thank you for sharing:)

  • Marsha says:

    I completely agree with you! I think it is very insensitive of people to post on social media how excited they are to be expecting, as a joke. I am childless, now by choice, but had my marital status been different at a younger age, I would have loved to have been a mother. I have two very special people in my life who struggles with fertility, and with God’s blessings, both of them have blessed our family with two preciois babies during the past two years. However, I have watched as a friend and his wife have lived through the loss of yet another pregnancy, feeling their pain, but knowing I don’t have a clue as to what they are truly going through. I am sharing this with my Facebook friends today on April Fool’s Day, and I hope at least one person that I know thinks about what they use as a joke!

  • Angie says:

    As a woman dealing with infertility who has also experienced the loss of twins who were miraculously conceived, this day is so painful. Thank you for putting a voice to the sadness we all feel.

  • adrienne says:

    TOTALLY AGree! You nailed this one!!!! I hate seeing the silly posts about being pregnant on April Fools and I know TONS of friends and family who struggle with infertility

  • Anna says:

    As someone who wishes to have children, but can’t even try due to life circumstances, I appreciate this. I don’t even know if it’ll ever happen, and I am so jealous of people who can have a family that this hurts me too. I wait in hopes that one day I’ll have a baby, but until then…. Well. Thank you for speaking for those of us who feel like this.

  • Crystal says:

    My son was born late on March 31st 15 years ago, when I called everyone to let them know on the morning of the 1st, they all thought it was an April fools joke. Some didn’t believe at all. He died on the 2nd. There is not an April fools day that goes by that I don’t remember him, or how everyone thought his few precious moments in life where but an April fools joke.
    It is not funny. I know all too well the pain that can be caused.

  • Susie says:

    Put so well. I have been there but luckily finally had two beautiful girls and one miscarriage. The miscarriage was the most horrible feeling I have ever had. No matter how far along you are it hurts just the same. Thank You for putting this out there. Maybe people will think before speaking or writing.

  • Sara says:

    This was beautiful and I’m glad you spoke up about it! Thank you for being brave. :)

  • Billiejo says:

    I thank u very much for this ,i have been trying to have a baby for a very long time, an the drs. can’t explain y i havent been able to have a child…. thank u for being sensitive.

  • Shannon Goodwin says:

    Thank you! :-(

  • Becca says:

    This puts into words what so many of us feel, but don’t feel comfortable saying.

  • Heather P says:

    I agree with this 100%. As one of the many women struggling to get pregnant, its very painful to see someone post a false pregnancy then come back later to say it was a joke. My husband and I want a baby really bad and only now have we really wanted to work for it. We have been together almost 4 years and never used protection. We have been married 9 months. We are ready for baby but with my having PCOS, I have to have medical help. We dont have the money or the health coverage to even try medication. Its sad that some women think its harmless to fake a pregnancy on April Fool’s day when they are really causing pain. Its upsetting to see.

  • katie says:

    Thank you so much for this, I’m in my late 20’s and have known since I was 20 that I couldn’t have children and then today a girl at uni put this on and when i explained it was bad taste, i got laughed at and her and her friends had a go at me and told me it was a joke and not to take it seriously but anyone that has had a miscarriage, still birth, fertility investigation or fertility treatment know that this can be insulting and disgusting

  • Natalie says:

    Thank you. A fake pregnancy announcement is certainly not an April Fool’s joke.

  • Mary-Jo says:

    Thank you for this. I am in tears today because I’ve already seen this joke a few times and people are actually making fun of miscarriages. I’ve suffered one and am having difficulty getting pregnant. I can’t believe people would make fun of this.
    Just awful.

  • Suzanne says:

    Glad to see this. We have 4 children, but we lost 6 in the making of our family. Real pregnancy announcements are hard enough, fake ones aren’t funny.

  • Jennie says:

    I posted something yesterday about this. I lost my full term daughter 12 years ago and 11 years ago miscarried. The daughter of one of my closest friends has been battling infertility for 5 years, just had her second surgery to remove more polyps before she can finally start ivf, this poor couple just wants a baby to love as they read in the news all the awful stories of child abuse. I’ve held another close friend’s hand month after month, year after year as she struggled to get pregnant with her second child. So I felt it my duty to do my part to help those battling infertility and those for whom every pregnancy announcement is a knife to the heart, not because they are unhappy for their friends, but because they want nothing more than to make their own announcement. It’s not a joke. And I commend you for not tolerating hateful and nasty comments. Too much meanness in this world. Wishing everyone peaceful days.

  • Wendy says:

    I would agree… to this day still very painful for me! Never being able to have children.

  • Rae says:

    Thank you for the reminder. I almost did it in hopes of trying to get my family and friends who can’t understand that it is ok for me to not be intrested in motherhood to drop it. I also have a best friend who has tried for a while for a baby and has yet to have one. My mom miscarried a couple of times. While not trying to hurt others I am afraid I may have if I had followed through with my plan. I will admit I do not understand your side of view but, thank you for responding to this issue in such a kind way.

  • Daniell says:

    I have had four miscarriages, two live births, I have a girl whom is four and my youngest and sadly my last whom is 2. It hurts to see this stuff happening. I never wanted Nothing more then to have a big family but was blessed by God for the two I have. My husband and I worked so hard at becoming parents we lost our h our first one back in 2008 bit they said that my body wouldn’t and wasn’t able to handle carrying another life. But God Very through a year latter and blessed me with my baby girl. And three years later with our youngest son. The first one we lost was they same day I lost my uncle rocky the day the put him in the ground was the same day I my heart was shattered still to this day on that day (August 27th, 2008) we have a horrible day. My daughter hears stories of the first baby. And ask where is he/she at I answer up in heaven with twinkle and uncle rocky and everyone else we lost. She stares out her window at night and looks towards heaven and says I love you baby Kyle see u someday well hold hands and walk and play. And then she carries on a conversation with the sky like the first one is there and then she smiles and says I love u papa and rock and she has never met either of them.

  • Michele says:

    Thank you for sharing this !! You said exactly as I feel

  • Melanie says:

    I can’t thank you enough for this! My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for almost 12 years and I hate April Fools day because of all of the pregnancy pranks. It’s hard enough when someone tells you that they’re pregnant. But when it’s a joke, it’s not funny. Thank you, thank you, thank you for saying what so many people don’t think about!

  • Lisa says:

    I can totally relate to this post and am so glad you wrote it. I experienced 9 pregnancies resulting in 8 miscarriages, 1 successful adoption and finally the successful but premature birth of our youngest who was born at 29 weeks 5 days.

    Although I am now a busy momma juggling an almost 5 year old and an almost 2 year old I’ll never forget the struggles we faced to have the family of 4 we have today.

  • Cyndie Kottkamp says:

    I suffered from infertility for 10 years and it was excruciating. Every month I experienced disappointment. But, I made the conscious decision to not be jealous of those who got pregnant. I made a conscious decision to not be overly sensitive. I decided that I would refuse to allow the situation to steal my joy! It really helped me to be a happier person during those long, difficult years.

  • Emily says:

    Thank you for this post. My husband wanted to post that exact thing this morning, and I was reluctant to mislead people so I convinced him not to. I hadn’t given your perspective any thought, so your post definitely reminds me that a lot of people would love to be able to say they are expecting. I’m glad my gut told me not to post something that could be hurtful to others. Besides, this is way too common of a prank status that I’m surprised so many people still do it.

  • Natalie says:

    Thank you so much for this post. A few weeks back I had a miscarriage and it devastated me. Unfortunately I have already seen a couple “I’m pregnant” jokes on facebook. I wish more people could understand how this hurts a lot of people.

  • Amanda says:

    This is a very nicely written post and I applaud you for being so gentle with it. I understand your perspective but I think it’s important to remember that everyone comes at things with their own perspectives. They don’t joke to make fun of people who can’t have children. It has nothing to do with that. A few people have said it’s thoughtlessness but I disagree. If you think about it, anyone could potentially be offended by anything depending on their perspective. I think we far too often get wrapped up in words and not enough in the intention or motive behind them. People don’t intend to be mean or insensitive. You may take it that way because of your personal experience but I’m certain that the people who play this joke didn’t wake up and decide to hurt someone who can’t have children.

  • KT says:

    I’ve seen a variety of these types of posts shared throughout the after loss community, but most were a little more frustrated that I would feel comfortable sharing with my friends. This one was filled with grace. Thanks.

  • Marjorie says:

    Beautifully written, I am a great grandmother to an Angel we lost Zach at 17mos unexplained and I now have a grand daughter expecting but has been told there are problems. The loss of a child is very very hard. Thank you

  • Daidra says:

    I completely agree. As someone who is struggling with infertility and trying to conceive I hate seeing the pregnancy jokes online. It is very hurtful to see them because of my struggles.

  • Thank you so much for sharing this. No doubt is this something people should try to be more considerate of. I deleted my facebook account during our infertility struggle and I still haven’t turned back nor do I want to. I’m sure these people mean it to be funny, but they don’t realize the hurt it can cause other people. Thanks again for this post!

  • Stephanie says:

    Thank you for this post! As a woman who struggled with infertility for 4 years and then had a high risk pregnancy, I know all too well what you are talking about.

    I have a sister-in-law that actually said with me within an ear shot that sometimes people who are infertile should just take it was God’s way of saying they shouldn’t have children. People can be so blatantly insensitive.

    There is a happy ending to my struggle with infertility and my high risk pregnancy. I have a happy, healthy 6 month old daughter. She is the light of my life. Once day I will tell her about how we wanted her so much that we would have done anything to conceive. I will also teach her compassion. I will tell her that not all women get to experience having a child of their own even if they want one so very much. I expect her to be raised with kindness and gentleness toward others. That is what I aim to teach her. I hope I can succeed.

  • Sabrina says:

    I have never lost a child nor struggled to become pregnant, but I do have a story. My mother had become pregnant after she had me, and it was discovered during the pregnancy that she had uterine cancer. She had to make a decision…it was either her or the baby! She already had 4 children to care for, she didn’t want to leave us behind with no mother, so she made the decision to get rid of the cancer and essentially abort the baby. I know this decision was hard for her, and after thinking about it thoroughly I would probably make the same choice. I know this loss still hurts her, and I can’t imagine how she must feel.

  • Adriana says:

    I’m not trying to be negative. I just want to understand. Why does someone else, real or a joke, posting about pregnancy hurt anyone? Of course the loss of a pregnancy is painful and I don’t mean to put that down in any way. But I really don’t understand how someone else’s joy (or prank) affects you negatively…?

  • Alisha says:

    It’s definitely a prank that gets old, but I would never choose to be offended by it. It took 9 years to conceive our first, one miscarriage and now a high-risk pregnancy, and I’m still not upset when people post jokes like that. Annoyed because it’s really old, however? Yes. :)

  • Dee says:

    Thank you for writing this. I almost sent one of those “expecting” emails to a friend of mine but just before I did I happened to read your article. I remembered midway through the article that the friend was childless and struggled with infertility. I was at turns appalled that I had forgotten and glad I was stopped by your gentle reminder in your article to think twice before sending a potentially hurtful message.

  • Lynn says:

    We said. Thank you.

  • Robin says:

    I have not experienced a miscarriage or infertility issues, but I have very close and dear friends, as well as family members, who do or have. It breaks my heart to see the fake pregnancy posts. I pray that each of you with this struggle will find hope and healing if you have not already. I cannot begin to imagine what your journey has been like. I am sharing this on my facebook wall in support of the women (and men who love them) who are dealing with the difficult heartache.

  • aaron says:

    my brother and his wife lost their set of twins by miscarriage.

  • Nicole says:

    This is an honest, curious question and not meant to be malice in any way: If you (or other women) have dealt with infertility for years, why would you not choose to adopt a child? It seems like a great solution as you are improving another child’s life who would otherwise live in an orphanage or foster home for their entire childhood. I have always wondered this about women or couples who are infertile but desperately want children.

  • Sally Clegg says:

    Thank you for writing this. I have two sons,now. I went through years of infertility. Three cycles of artificial insemination, a failed IVF attempt,an IVF cycle which gave us our first son, another IVF cycle which I miscarried, and finally our second son was on his way with no IVF. I did have to have all the hormone shots with that pregnancy. People have no idea how couples struggle when they want a baby so very much. People try not to say stupid things, but they do.

  • chris goodnight says:

    I agree except you excluded guys in your those who might be hurt part. Believe it or not there are some guys who want to be fathers and at least women have the option of sperm doners. It’s not as easy for guys.

  • Steve says:

    Thanks for encouraging others to tread lightly. Every post of a pregnancy, birth, toddler, or child just makes the absence of one in my life seem all the greater. That doesn’t mean that I don’t share in the joy of others’ good fortunes, but a private (until now) little piece of me mourns each time I read such a post. Thank you.

  • Jennifer says:

    Love!!!! Thank you so much!!!! 5 years TTC, there are A LOT of hurtful ppl in the world, some are those closest to you. Thank you again, great post!

  • Martha Shull says:

    I am 100% in agreement with what you’ve written. I traveled the road of infertility until the age of 37. I have a unicornate uterus. I was told I would not get pregnant, if I did get pregnant I had greater than 80% chance of miscarriage and if I wanted to have a family to get on an adoption list. The Lord had a different plan in mind. I turned 38 just 13 days after delivering my daughter. Thank you for sharing your heart. God bless you.

  • Melissa says:

    First i just have to say thank you. I posted this yesturday and yet individuals still thought it would be funny. tomorrow marks 4yrs since I lost my little one that I never. I hate that people find it funny then when I say something I get off told I’m taking it too serious and that they should then take offense to those who post about running because they cannot.

  • Annalisa says:

    As a single woman who really wants the whole thing one day, I really agree with this. In fact, I’ve avoided reading my Facebook newsfeed all day because I don’t want to see the “joke pregnancies” nor the “joke engagements.” In fact, after a few years of them, it has even gotten me a bit bitter at times. I think wonderful thoughts like “I’m glad this is a joke. People who enjoy making a ‘fool’ out of others probably aren’t mature enough to get married/have a baby/whatever.”

    People who really are having a baby, I do get excited about. It means that I get to look at adorable baby pictures and keep dreaming about “someday.” And if they lose the baby, I can empathize about “someday” still not coming yet. But a joke baby? The person/couple is filled with mischievous glee and I’m left waiting for “someday.”

    And I really get excited about people who are really getting married too! I mean, since marriage is the next theoretical step for me, it does give me a moment of “When is it my turn?”, but I get to share in the excitement of their countdown and planning and even dream a little bit about my “someday” wedding. And if the engagement gets broken off, well, I’ve been there; so that is something I understand 100% (even though every situation is unique). But just like the “joke baby,” the joke wedding does not result in similar emotions for myself and the announcer.

    Those two tend to leave me angry, but there’s one that just leaves me sad, and that’s the “joke boy/girl-friend.” I’m getting close to 30. Most of my friends are married or married with children. I can count on one hand the number of my close friends who are not married (and that’s including the engaged ones as “not married”). So, when one of them–or even a not-so-close friend–posts that they’re in a relationship, I get genuinely excited. And when we find out later that day (or the next day) that it was just a joke, I just feel sad. These are people who really want a relationship, and maybe to have one day to pretend they are in one is one of the little joys…but it just seems depressing…

  • Kari says:

    thank you. just… thank you.

  • Stephanie says:

    Thank you for your post. I have so many friends who have dealt with infertility. I know that none of us want to cause the people we love pain. This is a wonderful reminder to us all.

  • sarah watson says:

    WELL SAID!

  • Sherri Wilson says:

    Thank you. I was “fortunate” enough to experience my infertility before Facebook or the internet were pervasive. I was never able to conceive, but when I was 38 was able to adopt a beautiful one-year-old girl. She’s 17 now, and I’m so grateful she is my daughter, and I am her mother. If you’re given the chance, please don’t pass up the opportunity to adopt a child past infancy – you both will be blessed beyond your wildest dreams. Even saying that, I’m still hurt by fake “expecting” announcements.

  • Jeanne Knapp says:

    I have Spina Bifida, nerve damage, IBS, and now a colostomy. Therefore, natural birth isn’t an option. Whenever I would find out it was a “joke” the last eight years or so (after my GYN told me she doesn’t recommend me having babies naturally due to my health issues/meds I’m on for those issues), I’d find myself thinking, “Good! One less person to be envious of.”

  • Maralee says:

    Thank you! I wrote something similar after feeling that frustration. Glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way.
    http://www.amusingmaralee.com/2014/04/an-april-fools-day-psa/

  • Mustang says:

    I love your comment. Thank you for taking the time to write and share this. My husband and I have been trying to have children for over 10 years. Every pregnancy I hear about from a friend or family member breaks my heart just a little. I still am so excited for the parents. Anyway, thank you.

  • mindy says:

    thank you for so gently & humbly sharing this… will remind us all to be cautious… bless you

  • Jean says:

    Not at all funny. People try to get pregnant and lose 2 may never have a baby. Think first before posting something tasteless.

  • Corella Stewart says:

    THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THIS MONTH 18 YEARS AGO ILOAST MY SON PAULRAY! MISCARRIAGE/STILL BORN WHAT EVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT IT’S ALL THE SAME TO ME-I WALKED INTO A HOSPITAL PREGNANT CAME OUT EMPTY HANDED! AND EVERY YEARY FEELS LIKE THAT YEAR FOR ME! SO THANK YOU!

  • EJ says:

    Thank you for posting this. April fools day has become one of my worst days of the year not only because of this but also because I got my first miscarriage on this very day two years ago. Seeing people post their false pregnnancies on facebook didn’t make it any easier.

  • ellen says:

    Thank you for your post and blog!

  • Ems says:

    I am so glad you posted this. I would never have bravely said this aloud, but we have lost 4 and it is difficult enough trying to be joyful for others when it is real.

  • Dottie M says:

    When we start wrapping our entire identity around the things we want or the things that hurt us, we not only lose our focus on God, the giver of all good gifts — and the one who we can trust when things are taken away — or never given in the first place. It’s understandable to want compassion, but I think it is silly to want eggshell-walking.

  • Stacie says:

    Thank you so much for this. I lost my own little angel at the end of last year and was hoping beyond a hope that I would have a truthful pregnancy announcement to make this week, but it doesn’t seem to be in the cards. It made it that much harder to deal with the one prank announcement I did see. For some it might not hurt, but for others, it reminds us of the aches we have from a child we so desperately want.

  • Charley says:

    As a woman who struggled for many years to get pregnant and finally resorted to fertility treatments I don’t feel this way. I never did. I think it’s a stupid joke because only idiots should fall for it but that’s besides the point. I know that everyone has their sensitivity this just isn’t mine. I was however devastated when a friend called to complain that she was pregnant for the fourth time, hated her husband and didn’t know what she was going to do about it.

  • Kaycy says:

    I appreciate this… I have never really thought about how those comments can hurt, until learning of my own infertility issues. And now I feel the hurt. Thank you for time in posting this!

  • Vanessa says:

    I agree completely; as someone who is struggling as we speak with the possibility of infertility. But I would like to think people are not thinking about that while they are posting it. A friend of mine who is expecting just finished telling us how her ‘April Fools’ joke was telling everyone that at her Dr. appt today she was told they are having twins, and all I could think was ‘oh to be so lucky to have one never mind two…’ But she wasn’t being malicious just trying to crack a joke…My heart hurts a bit, but I tried not to take it to heart.

  • Trinka says:

    Thank you so much from someone who’s struggled with infertility for 11 years.

  • Jamie says:

    Thank you thank you thank you. I have been trying to get pregnant for a year and a half and we are now seeibg a specialust. Those fake messages are hurtful and people need to understand that. Infertility is no laughing matter

  • […] Thompson of Scissortail Silk wrote a short piece on rethinking posting such a status update — a post that has resonated with many. […]

  • Jennifer says:

    I dealt with infertility and I see your point, but a joke is a joke. What a boring world it’ll be once we all become so “PC” and afraid of offending each other.

  • KT says:

    As a person who has had 3 high-risk pregnancies and a ton of difficulty conceiving, I know perfectly about the pain involved in those situations. That said, those pranks never bothered me on social media. I’d always just laugh along. I guess I have a crazy sense of humor. The REAL pregnancies are the posts that bothered me though…jealousy issues, I guess. Anyway, it’s good to see your perspective on this because I didn’t realize this would bother so many people. Not hating, no negativity here.

  • Gina Harris says:

    Hello,
    I am the Executive Director at Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. We provide remembrance photography to parents suffering the loss of a baby.
    I wanted to let you know that we shared your post on our Facebook page and it got a tremendous response. Some positive, some negative. Almost 1 million people saw the post. We had over 5000 likes and almost 3000 shares. You may want to check it out! https://www.facebook.com/nilmdts?ref=br_tf

    Thank you!
    Gina Harris
    Executive Director
    Now I Lay me Down to Sleep

  • Lourdes Flores says:

    Thank you and absolute true. I have had 3 miscarriages and 2 chemical pregnancy that have had me heart broken in the past 2 1/2 years. Now I just found out that I’m pregnant again! Hoping that this time gI do get to hold a baby in my arms I didn’t wanted to announce it because of all this.

  • Brittany Davis says:

    I was actually really anxious about the fake pregnancy announcements today. It’s really hard for me to see any real ones as it is. After TTC for years, our sweet baby boy was just delivered stillborn at the beginning of February. I even had a coworker that didn’t know our situation suggest that I freak out my husband with a surprise pregnancy announcement for April Fool’s Day. If even one person who has dealt with longing for a baby who is not in their arms is spared heartache by someone they know reading this post, then I’m sure you would consider it worth the time. This was very well said. Thank you.

  • Jay says:

    I’m kind of torn on how to feel; I don’t agree, but I don’t necessarily disagree with the writer’s thesis. However, as the adopted son of a woman with fertility issues, I wonder how many people have truly considered adoption as a viable option. I see all the women lamenting about their fertility troubles, and it sometimes comes across as incredibly anti-adoption. I don’t mean to offend anyone, sincerely, and though I’m probably introducing a separate issue, I’d be interested in knowing why natural children are seen as having more inherent value than adopted children in families with fertility issues. I’m glad to say that it wasn’t an issue in my family.

  • Danielle says:

    Thank you.

  • clair says:

    As someone who would be having a baby on April first, thsank you. These have hurt me. Yet I understand that none of my friends intentionally are trying to hurt me. It’s just “fun”. So I don’t get upset. Tthe pain is there whether they ppst those “jokes” or not. So I just tryy best not to be affected by it

  • Tyayme says:

    I have seen a few of these jokes throughout the years…I have never found it funny. Thank you for putting this out there…maybe someone will think twice now. My husband and I have tried for eight years to have a baby. After countless fertility treatments, and one ectopic pregnancy, we were blessed with a healthy baby boy three months ago, conceived through IVF. A lot of people do not realize how incredibly painful infertility, or the loss of a baby is. So many people take it for granted. I would cringe anytime someone would ask us “y’all have been married for so long…when are y’all going to have some babies?” It’s meant to be an innocent question…but it’s very painful, just like these pranks.

  • Wendi Smith says:

    I lost my child at 14 wks without even knowing what sex it was. It was very heartbreaking. I never knew the pain of being a mother thought me and how much I grew up. I’ve been trying for about a year now and nothing and oh what I would’ve give to becoming pregnant again being able to have my baby with me. I totatly agree, I still cry and say why to myself every time I see someone preggnat that I know and then what really gets me to tearing up is when they ask am I gonna have a baby? Honestly though people think before you post stuff about this. It isn’t to be joked around with!

  • Kirstin says:

    I very much hear what is being said here, & unfortunately despite having several friends that struggled with infertility, & having worked as a pediatric social worker, I made such a post once. I removed it quickly. I would like to say I am a single mother of one beautiful son. I will very likely never get married or have another child, & I find it bittersweet to see the many we’re expecting announcements on FB. Everyone has their own struggle & journey. I can say I do things as thoughtfully as I can with every interaction. I just felt the need to be heard here as well from my perspective. I called NILMDTS photographers many times, & am truly grateful for this organization.

  • sharon says:

    I think it is awesome that you put this up. I feel the same way!

  • Christina says:

    I can’t have children and really wanted too. However fake pregnancy jokes don’t bother me.

  • Tracy says:

    Thank you for putting into words the kind of pain only some could ever know. I suffered through fertility treatments with no success then several years later I became pregnant only to miscarry 2 weeks later. It breaks my heart everyone I see those prank posts… even years later.

  • jenny urbanavage says:

    Thank you for doing this. I have one son who is 9, I’ve tried many times since to have another but for some reason, its not happening. I had one ectopic pregnancy in 2011. My fiance and I have been trying for over a year and nothing. Its heartbreaking for me. So thank you again for sharing this.

  • Caroline says:

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this. I agree with you. I have known since age 11 (due to emergency hysterectomy) that I would never have birth children. I know the pain of infertility and barrenness all too well. God bless, and thanks again for sharing.

  • kim hoch says:

    i love this post. Women who haven’t struggled with being able to conceive don’t understand fully what it’s like to struggle with infertility and this isn’t something to joke about. As a mother i know first hand about lossing a baby, we lost our first one and then it took three years to finally get our daughter who we cherish each and every day.

  • Cat says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I am one who has been guilty of pulling this prank in the past. Please believe me when I say I NEVER thought about it hurting anyone. My eyes (and hopefully others’) are opened by your words. I apologize to all I may have hurt.

  • Teresa says:

    Last year my 49 year old cousin made the announcement that she was pregnant and had concerns over being that age, and already having grandchildren, was worried about the complications for the baby and her.I immediately commented back with support and put her on our prayer chain. When I found out it was a joke I let her that I felt like a fool for putting that kind of effort into something that turned out to be joke.

    Also I am a ovarian cancer survivor AND I was blessed with one beautiful son. He is now 22 years old. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to have more children and when my friends or family were announcing that they were having more children this left an aching in my heart. I was happy for them, sad for me.

    Thank you for making people aware that these kinds of jokes are hurtful in so many ways.

    Blessings to you,

    Teresa

  • Toby says:

    Thank you for this. My wife and I just honored (I just can’t bring myself to say celebrated) what should have been our beautiful angel girl’s first birthday last month. Unfortunately, despite posting a request not to see these “jokes” a couple days ago, my wife still had three people do it, one after she had posted this article. I will be bookmarking this page so I can bring it back up next year, to get the word around.

  • nobabyyet says:

    Love this! I struggle with not being able to get pregnant no matter how hard I try and seeing people joke about it hurts my soul. Even some of my close friends have done it and told me I was overreacting. Its a touchy subject that shouldn’t be played with at all!

  • Katherine says:

    Thank you for sharing, I have walked out all of what you talked about in different times. I had a two month early son (my first), Miscarried (my second), had a son what is called full term 38 weeks (my third), had another son at 36 weeks (my forth) and now I am pg and it has taken us 3 years to get this little one and I am already having troubles and being watch closely. I am High High risk is what the dr’s like to remind me. I thank you for saying something about this. God bless you.

  • I am a founder of NILMDTS, and we posted your blog article to our FB page yesterday. I am just amazed at the amount of people who posted negative comments directed towards this incredible group of people who share a similar heartache. Thank you for writing and sharing your feelings. Thank you for helping spread awareness to this sensitive topic.

  • Marcia Koufis says:

    Thank you…with tears in my eyes. We are often expected to move on…and not too many people know how to be supportive with other that are grieving. (Mommy to two angel babies)

  • Keri C says:

    I absolutely love and agree with this! Today, I have 3 beautiful kids (my oldest daughter is adopted) who are 10, 2 & 1. However, before the babies entered our life I had 3 miscarriages. And, once it was realized that I would carry to full term I was at high risk. Seems I have a protein C deficiency which means that my blood clots faster than others. My son I carried to full term, and he is a healthy baby boy. My youngest daughter was born at full term as well, but she was in the NICU for the first 2 weeks of her life. However, today she is healthy and well! I am so thankful for all my children, and the pain I had to go thru to get here was worth it b/c I have them :)

  • Kristie says:

    Thank you for taking the time to express these thoughts about consideration for the feelings of others. I do not struggle with infertility, but my husband and I are unable to have a baby because it is against the advice of my practitioners due to other health problems I am dealing with. I ache every day over this. Seeing other couples, other women, getting pregnant and having babies is painful for me. These jokes sting just as much. I’m sure the jokers just don’t think about what they are doing in that way, but it’s nice to have these thoughts pointed out to them because the way I feel when I see them takes away my voice and I can find no words to express them myself.

  • Karly says:

    Thank you for writing this. I have a beautiful 8 year old miracle who was born after two and half years of trying to conceive. For more than six years we have been trying and I have lost four. I really appreciate both your thoughtfulness on this topic and your choice to not allow negative comments.

  • Juliana says:

    I thought the exact same thing :) I have lost 1 baby at 5 weeks and my son at 16 weeks. Thankfully I have been blessed with a little girl but the comments can be so painful. Thank you for spreading this reminder… It is needed :)

  • Carolyn says:

    When you explain it that way, it definitely is not funny and I feel for those of you in that situation; however, it doesn’t just apply to pregnancy. People make jokes all the time about Alzheimer’s and now that my husband has it, it is definitely not funny. Let’s all be sensitive to others, but also forgiving if a friend or loved one sometimes accidently jokes about something that hurts us.

  • Lisa says:

    Thank you for this post. As a woman who struggled for 3 years to conceive and then miscarried our son at 18 1/2 weeks, this subject is hard to deal with!!! I also saw 2 posts announcing their news. Thank you again for this post!!

  • Kate says:

    Thank you. I saw this on a friend’s Facebook and reposted it. You have a great blog, I really enjoyed flipping through some of your posts. But I just have to say thanks for articulating so clearly what I so strongly feel. Pregnancy “jokes” aren’t funny.

  • Lynn says:

    I agree with Denise, and some others of you. I too had difficulty getting pregnant and subsequent high-risk pregnancies. I don’t think this is about the April Fool’s joke. We (everyone, no matter what “difficult thing” you are dealing with) need to let stuff go, and let others have fun. What is the issue is the fact that people don’t think. They often don’t even realize the pain they are causing. If a girl goes up to her infertile girlfriend with this joke, then maybe there is a problem. These people don’t need to stop the pranks; they just need to realize that there are people who are hurting. That realization would help the pregnancy-struggling ladies on more days than just April 1.

  • Linda says:

    Just sending love…BTDT too. So many women have… when I was going through my own losses, I felt I was joining a “silent sisterhood.” Not a club I’d ever have aspired to belong to, but there are some fantastic people in it.

  • Cheryl says:

    I love this and your story… I just miscarried yesterday and seeing all those posts just have hit a nerve!!!

    Thank you!

  • Anon says:

    Four years of TTC and tens of thousands of dollars in treatments and all we got was a single miscarriage in the middle of it.

    What I never needed reminding of was that many people considered pregnancy and childbirth a joke.

    Thank you for this post.

  • Aly says:

    I have never read your blog before, but a friend posted your april fool’s post on facebook and it led me to this. I just miscarried at 12 weeks with twins and I have been struggling on how to process it all. Thank you for these hopeful words that give me perspective, comfort, and peace. They have touched my heart in so many ways. I know that through trials, good will come, because He is good. Thank you for being brave and having the courage to post such a tender story!

  • Brandy says:

    I just wanted to take the time to thank you for posting this. I am currently struggling with infertility and have suffered two miscarriages. It is very hard to show excitement for my friends and family as it is, these “harmless pranks” just make the pain that much harder. It is nice to see that someone is aware.

  • Theresa says:

    I can appreciate your perspective and I hope you post mine….I lost my first baby at 28 weeks, was told I may never have children, and now I am the proud mom of 7 children (Yes, 7)…after very difficult high-risk pregnancies that required many hospital stays and resulted in pre-term births…I am fortunate to have very healthy children despite their premature births…with all of that stated I still am not offended by April Fools pregnancy posts because it is the one day of the year that many people play practical jokes and there could be worse April Fools…I am also not mad…just giving a personal perspective from a mom who has struggled to maintain pregnancies 😉

  • Kamilah says:

    I just thought I had the right to say something since I have been through both late ( 17 weeks ) pregnancy loss and pregnancy difficulty leading to a premature birth…. I personally find it hilarious and love a good prank from my friends or anyone else for that matter.. I love my Angel baby I miss him everyday… but someone joking about a pregnancy does not bother me in the least!! Whenever I find out anyone is pregnant I love it, it makes me love being apart of this amazing thing called life, where there are heartbreaks and hard times that make you appreciate it soo much more when something wonderful happens to you.. Like giving birth to my son and hearing him cry… I know the pain of delivering a baby that doesn’t make a peep… I know what the emptiness in my heart felt like… and I know what it feels like to be scared and paranoid counting everyday down to the day you go into labor and everyday you count, you pray to God for another day just to get you one day closer to having a viable child even if it means months in the NICU holding that child’s hand IF you’re even allowed to touch him and praying he makes it one more day… So when I heard my son cry I praised God and held my son so close to me I felt the thud of our heartbeats collide… God has a plan and pain and heartache are made to make you stronger and closer to him… When I think about my son in Heaven I know he is sitting with all the other children watching God in awe at how he works his plan… There is always a reason behind every rhyme… I have faith in my God

  • Angele says:

    My name is Angele, I am not Easley offended I suffered a loss my baby girl Natalie She waa born 18 weeks early she lived for 45 minutes and then fades away in my arms she was a healthy baby but my body wasn’t able to protect her she waa perfect and I wanted so badly to take my baby home..that was not to be… in 2003 I had Lilly 18 weeks early. . And she lived yes but her struggles where many and her battles she won… ahe haa many diagnoses but none prevents her from being a little girl she runs, talks learns and sees everything she can hear very well to… my point the loss of Natalie was very hard because I know if she had waited a week I would be telling a very different story.. please remember that our loss is huge and the anguish is an every day thing… her smile never to show yet her halo will alwaysglow…Thank you in advance for remembering it hurts forever when your baby is taken away on a day every mom is expecting to have a healthy beautiful baby to take home….xoxo

  • Sam says:

    Oh no, I whole-heartedly agree with you on this entire post! I’ve had one miscarriage in my lifetime, and my daughter does not currently live with my boyfriend and I (due to a choice I made a few years ago to have a family member raise her for me). I can obviously conceive, but we cannot afford a child at the moment, so even for me it’s hard to see everyone flaunting their babies everywhere and cuteness all around. It’s still difficult because the want and need is there for me to have another baby now, but I can’t at the moment an it hurts.

    I hid pretty much everyone on my Facebook on April Fool’s Day because I knew there was going to be some sort of foolery going on.

    Thank you for posting this, too.

  • Jem's Mom says:

    Thank you! This is exactly what I’ve been thinking for a long time, but didn’t know how to say to my friends. I have lost a child through miscarriage, struggled with infertility, walked out SIX months of a high-risk pregnancy, and endured the 8-week NICU hospitalization of my daughter. She is home and great, but this is still definitely no joke in my eyes.

  • Kimmy says:

    Just look at the overwhelming amazing response to this and the women you have given a voice to who previously didn’t have the ability or words to say how they felt about this topic. Naysayers and hurtful
    Hateful comments will never take that away, they can’t. No matter how badly they want to, darkness will always give way to light. And the light in this blasts through all the darkness trying to creep in. Keep on keeping on my friend. :). You are amazing.

  • Emmeline C says:

    Well said. Thank you for sharing this. I couldn’t agree more. I had my own share of struggles with unexplained infertility for 7 years. It’s not fun seeing all these jokes about being pregnant. It’s hard enough to be happy for someone who is truly pregnant because I feel sad for myself. Undergoing fertility treatments was not easy either but we finally have a 2month old baby boy (preemie and stayed in NICU for 7days). I hope people will be more sensitive and more aware of what they post on social media.

  • […] {THREE} The Joke is Over — Why I Hope to Not See Pretend Pregnancy Announcements on April 1st  […]

  • Shawna says:

    I have a dear friend from college as well as another close friend who’s like a sister to me. They both have gone through such heart wrenching experiences with just devastating losses. It tears a piece of my heart out just to think about it. After many years, my college friend adopted 2 wonderful children & later the Lord blessed them with another daughter that she was able to carry to term.
    Currently, my other friend who’s like family, her & her husband have gone through so much my soul weeps for them. I don’t know how they keep it together after the miscarriages, failed ivf, ectopic pregnancies, surgeries, tests, more tests. It just doesn’t seem to end. Now there’s a what seems like a never ending series of paperwork for adoption. Alas,despite all the people that know them & what they’ve been going through; of course on Facebook they both ended up on April 1st having people pull the stupid were pregnant crap…
    I just can’t help but think that people are getting stupider everyday and that social media is contributing the idiocy, insensitivity, and in some cases downfall of our humanity in today’s society.
    It just so sad :-(

  • […] when not only did I not see a single fake pregnancy joke post, but several of you shared this link: http://www.scissortailsilk.com/2014/03/28/the-joke-is-over-why-i-hope-not-to-see-pretend-pregnancy-a&#8230; Those “jokes” are never funny. -The infertility community is amazeballs. All this time […]

  • linda boorse says:

    Found your blog by “happenstance” this morning. Through tears streaming I thank you for your kind compassion & encouragement. God bless you.

  • Nancy says:

    My daughter and her husband have been trying to have a baby for over a year now and recently they got news that both of them have infertility issues. As a mom of 5, I could never fathom wanting a child and not being able to get pregnant. I also never realized how truly hurtful those “I’m expecting” pranks could be until now. The old saying… Till you’ve walked in their shoes… I’m glad you have brought this to the forefront and I will pass this on. When my children hurt, I hurt. I am praying that my daughter can experience very soon the miracle of carrying, birthing, nursing, nurturing and raising a child of her very own!

  • Molly says:

    Thank you for posting this. As a mom who has had multiple miscarriages and gone through the pain of infertility, I know all too well that hurt. I’m totally sharing this.

  • Matthew says:

    Thanks to Timehop, I will share this article wash April 1st. It really isn’t funny.

  • Valerie says:

    Amen.

  • Laurie says:

    As someone who did do this very thing as my own April Fools joke over 20 years ago, I want to apologize. I never looked at the other side of things, to top it off, my “prank” was made to be hurtful, as it was following an ugly divorce. My hope and prayer to you and the many other women who have not yet experienced the joy of motherhood. I hope that God brings a child into your life soon.

    Blessings to you and yours.

  • Sherry says:

    So glad to see an article like this. My daughter lost a baby to miscarriage in 2009 and hasn’t been able to get pregnant since then. It’s very hurtful when others play jokes or pranks like this.

  • Gayla says:

    As a mother & grandmother that has experienced such loses,
    I totally concur with what you are saying. God Bless

  • T says:

    Thanks for this post, you’re definitely correct about the silent suffering.

  • Joanne Stover says:

    Many years ago, my neighbours went into early labour on April 1st. In our little remote, no-roads-in community, they delivered twins. One did not make it, the other was just hanging on…barely. When the dad went to call their families, they all thought it was a joke. How heartbreaking for them to have such a tragedy and their loved ones took quite some convincing to finally believe them.

  • Musicianlala says:

    Thank you for writing this! I love it, and I’m looking forward to reading your story of Hope after a Miscarriage!

  • Lindsay S says:

    Thank you for saying what so many feel! My precious son passed on eight years ago, and I am infuriated by the lack of sensitivity possessed by those who pull this stunt annually. Peace and love to all. #Samuel’sMommy

  • Jennifer says:

    Sadly I wanted to do this cause I took a pregnancy test and got a positive test but of course people probably wouldn’t believe me even if I posted it

  • Jo Ellen says:

    Thank you for writing this. So far today, I’ve seen 4 prank pregnancy posts. For me, who has struggled with not having children, its very hurtful. People just don’t understand.

  • Victoria says:

    As a I high risk pregnancy I was rushed to the hospital with pre-eclampsia one day two months before I was do. I had no idea of the gravity of it. That my life was at risk. That my baby’s life was at risk. One month of bed rest later I was told that my baby’s heart would eventually stop beating in about two to three days and IF by chance this did not happen the baby would die by the time it was two years old. Seven years later it is still painful. We have a beautiful son but the pain never goes away and as we go along we find more and more people who have had our experience or one similar. Those who have not had this experience will never know (and indeed I hope they never learn) what it feels like. Until then I hope that they learn that this is an unwittingly cruel and insensitive April Fool’s joke for far more people than they will ever, ever imagine.

  • CR says:

    Just curious, do you also think people shouldn’t post fake engagement announcements because there are people who can’t find a relationship for the life of them, or have had broken engagements or been cheated on? Or that people shouldn’t post fake job announcements because someone else might be struggling with unemployment?
    I agree that we should be sensitive to others’ feelings and struggles, but nearly any joke could touch on someone’s personal struggle.

  • Melissa says:

    After 4 miscarriages, and never having that baby I so dreamed of, I completely agree that the “I’m expecting” joke is no joke.

  • Thanks for this post! I found this on Google after reading several articles like it about fake pregnancy announcements. This is so sensitive and caring, and although I haven’t experienced this, I love many people who have had still births and miscarriages and this is all too precious to joke about. Thanks so much.

  • rosario says:

    thanks. this is very similar to when people trivialize or joke about eating disorders, it is extremely painful and disturbing for those of us who have experienced the pain first hand. Thanks for your perspective.

  • Jane de Bat says:

    I love your writing, kind & gentle.

  • Jennifer says:

    THANK YOU! Thank you so much for writing this! Made me feel less alone. I lost my daughter in October. She was stillborn. My heart is aching every day and jokes like these don’t help and aren’t funny at all.

  • Michele says:

    I can’t even begin to put into words my thoughts on this. When I first read this, I was rocketed back to the dreaded 2 week window, the hope, excitement and then the feeling of having the breath taken right out of you, while being punched in the gut. The pain of knowing that this was not your month, despite the pills and shots- I can still feel it, all these years later. Thank you for posting this, even if it did bring back tears, ones that I thought I’d already shed. It’s an important message that needs to be aired, because while April 1st is hard, the other two biggies, Mothers Day and Fathers Day are right around the corner <3

  • Lynsey says:

    I found out i was expecting and went to the e.r the night of march 31st 2015 (this year) due to spotting and cramping. Lots of tests ultrasounds and felt pretty hopeful that the baby would make it. Well they told me i was suffering a miscarriage. Im devastated..this has been the most overwhelming week of my life. Well i got to see several of those posts while miscarrying my baby the following day. Just my luck. I hope everyone thinks about the very much wanted baby who was lost the day before “april fools day” and the sobs and pain of the parents who lost their child. Rest in paradise my sweet angel.

  • Angelica says:

    Pregnancy announcements and engagements on 4/01 sicken me. They are meant to bring but only bring hurt and pain in their absence as a revealed joke.

  • Kayla says:

    You’re a very interesting blogger. I feel empathetic to this post but I also have to be the Devils advocate and wonder why people feel the need to be offended by someone’s light hearted joke. I can’t habe biological children either and although it’s a lame facebook post to pretend your preggers it’s just for them in don’t understand why people can’t have fun. Everything can be offensive to some group. I know you weren’t trying to be ugly or combative and niether am I. I just read your other post about quicksand and I loved the premise we’ve all been there at some point and again I felt like this persons simple gesture was made to he inappropriate when I feel like it’s christ like and human to care for one another. And at the same time I needed to read it. Hope you found this as another perspective and not confrontational. Life is a tricky puzzle we keep moving pieces around and the picture keeps changing and so does our perspective.

  • Al says:

    Everyone needs to take a step back,. You don’t have the right to tell people what to and what not to joke about. I am sorry that you have experienced this pain, but everyone has baggage. If we didn’t joke about something that effected someone somewhere we couldn’t laugh at all.

  • Lindsey says:

    Totally agree. I started avoiding FB on AFD because of this very thing. We’ve been beyond lucky and had 2 IVF transfers translate to 2 pregnancies (6w6d currently with second one) but were one blood test away from my never having my own biological children at one point, and I’ve been hospitalized twice for complications from the process. It is *devastating* to see people post ‘jokes’ about being pregnant, simply because it is a quick cheap laugh. It’s not a quick cheap laugh. I can count 20 IVF babies/kids that I know without even thinking about it too hard. Everyone knows someone going through it, you might just know it.

  • Tori says:

    Totally agree. I wasn’t on social media when I had my two miscarriages, but this would have been upsetting for me.

  • Stephanie Mason says:

    Sadly – they are already flying all over FB. My brother and his wife lost a baby just yesterday, so I find no humor in this.

  • Sarah says:

    I have suffered many things in life, including miscarriage. I have learned that if I’m sensitive enough, I could take offence by many things every day if I allowed myself to. Facebook is adorned by scan pics, engagements, bereavement announcements and the “too posh to push” stories ….most serious but some in a light-hearted poke or joke.
    I’ve had a miscarriage, a fiancee walk out on me leaving me homeless and a couple of sudden deaths. My son is lucky to be alive after being born by c-section.
    I simply cannot expect others to tread on eggshells just in case something offends or upsets me. If I’m feeling sensitive, I steer clear from Facebook and the Internet. I will always be sensitive to others but to go through life expecting others to be the same, is unrealistic and only ends in disappointment.
    Life must, and will, go on…..

  • Stephanie says:

    This was the most perfectly written statement I’ve ever come across dealing with this situation. Thank you

  • Tavee smith says:

    While some people engage in this type of humor, has anyone looked at the other point of view of the people that are expressing themselves? Maybe this is their way of dealing with it; using humor. I wasn’t able to have a child along with other complications and my way of dealing with it is using humor. People need to have thicker skin!

  • PHardt says:

    I’m sorry this seemingly innocent prank offends or hurts you. I have had several miscarriages; however, I am not offended or hurt one bit by someone pranking others on April Fool’s Day. I actually pranked my friends on facebook today by saying I was pregnant. Of course, this is impossible. And, only my close friends/family knows it is impossible. I am a cancer survivor…..cervical cancer. I had a total hysterectomy a few years ago. So, if someone pranks they are pregnant, it should bother me. But, it does not.

  • Sherri says:

    Even though at age 38 I was finally able to adopt my beautiful daughter; even though I’m now in my mid-fifties; even though I have come to terms with the fact that I will never conceive, carry and birth a baby – it still hurts. Thank you for your sensitive post.

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