What I Need My Kids to Know About Finding “The One”


When I met your Daddy, there weren’t any sparks. Things didn’t move in slow motion, and we didn’t lock eyes while music played in the background. Actually, that’s not true. The mall always has music playing… but it wasn’t some romantic ballad. It was just a regular Wednesday at work.

I worked at a kiosk at the mall, and Daddy was working at a shoe store nearby. I would only be there for a few months until I went back to school in a town far away, and Daddy was busy walking his own road.

But that summer, for reasons that we didn’t see coming, our paths crossed.

And I am so grateful that they did. I am so grateful that I met your Daddy, and that I get to spend forever with him – even if I never thought in a million years that I would marry the guy who sold me shoes.

Listen to my heart, sweet children.

I have prayed for the people that you will marry since before you were born. I have prayed that they would love the Lord with all of their hearts. I have prayed that they would follow Him all the days of their lives. And I have prayed that together you would do great things for the Kingdom.

Yes, at this moment, while Doc McStuffins and Octonauts are your favorite shows, God already knows exactly who each of you will marry.

He isn’t surprised by anything, is He?

But I need you to listen to Momma for a minute.

There will be many in your life who put a tremendous emphasis on finding “The Perfect One.” They will encourage you to find the perfect match to your heart. They will remind you that God has someone perfect chosen just for you.

But I need you to know something.

Sometimes, perfect looks a little flawed.

Because none of us are perfect, are we? And while I believe that God has someone special for each of you, I think that sometimes we forget that we aren’t marrying God’s perfect plan. We are marrying a person. We are marrying flesh and blood and thoughts and ideas and attitudes and personalities. We are marrying someone who may or may not let us down. They may or may not hurt us. They may or may not make decisions that ripple through the rest of our marriage. Because they aren’t perfect. None of us are.

So before you ever have a chance to doubt your choice or wonder if you have really found your perfect match, I want to speak this peace to your heart.

More important than the perfection of the person you will marry, or the perfection of your relationship, is the perfection of the Lord as He continues to guide you both as one.

Because the only One perfect in any marriage – is HIM.

So, many years from now, after you have said your “I do’s” should you find yourself questioning your decision, I want you remember these words.

Your spouse doesn’t have to be perfect to be the right one for you. You just have to learn to find grace for each moment of imperfection, and trust that the One who leads you both – loves you.

And that truth will carry you through any trial or uncertainty that you might face.

So while it might be an ordinary moment at the mall, or a basketball game, or even next year in pre-k, God has a way of taking the most ordinary things, and through His love, creating something extraordinary.

And that is my prayer for you. That you might experience an extraordinary kind of love in every imperfect and ordinary moment of your marriage.


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  • B says:

    God has blessed you with such a beautiful, encouraging voice. Whenever a new post of yours shows up, I save it to read and savor because God’s love shimmers through your writing. We’re expecting our first child in about 2 months, and I’ve been praying for our little guy since before we knew he existed, as well as for all the people he’ll encounter, know and love throughout his life. I am so grateful that our God knows everything about our little one and that He already loves him more than I ever can. Thank you for allowing God to work through you and for sharing your gift here. Blessings to you and yours.

  • I don’t have kids of my own but just had to schedule this sweet post via twitter/hootsuite. My “kids” are the teens I teach at a small Christian high school. I’ll have to find a way to share some of your sweet posts w/ them this year! Blessings!

  • Alison says:

    Just beautiful :-) thank you for this lovely post :-)

  • Catherine says:

    AWE!! Sweet words Becky! My ex cheated on me and because we had our little man, I wasn’t going to stay with him and raise our son thinking that’s how you live. If I waited to find Mr. Perfect, I’d still be waiting and I wouldn’t have my perfect little man! Now, I have my little man to teach these words to!! Thanks for your gift of God’s grace!

  • Rebecka says:

    Thank you,
    I really needed to hear this today. You’re awesome and I truly love reading what you have to say. Thank you, again.

  • Hannah says:

    “That you might experience an extraordinary kind of love in every imperfect and ordinary moment of your marriage.”

    You have a true gift for words, my friend. Thank you!

  • Kate says:

    This is absolutely beautiful. The strength in your faith and the beauty in your words continue to inspire me. <3

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  • Marie says:

    I agree with a lot of what is said here but not all. Too many couples settle, thinking… there is no perfect match for me. There may not be a perfect person, but there is a perfect match. There is! I have been asked, “How do you know when its the right one?” You will know… you will. If you are questioning anything about the relationship then it is not right. Your marriage will either fail, or you will struggle. Its said that marriage is work. We do not understand that. Its a stroll in the park, a piece of cake. When I married my husband 30 years ago I knew (and you may say, “No you didn’t, you couldn’t have,” but I knew) we’d be together until death, and that we’d be forever faithful to one another. My husband was not buff, not nearly as good-looking as so many of my other beaus. He actually had a degree of a visual handicap. Not at all the type I thought I would fall in love with. But, I prayed that God would help me out of a relationship that, in time, I saw was doomed. I never prayed so hard in all my life. I prayed that I would be able to break it off and stay away and not be lonely or go back. Two days later I met my husband. You WILL know when its right, and you will have not one doubt about the love you share. Your future (jobs, housing, cars, money) and what it holds, sure, but not your relationship. I have had a couple people come back to me and tell me that’s so true, after meeting the right one. I could not have found a better partner, father, and provider. I can’t emphasize enough that if you’re having doubts get out! And pray, pray, pray.

  • Morgan Brooke Soper says:

    Loved this article

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