Don’t Give Up Hope – One Mom’s Message to Childless Women

Someone once called me a Mommy Blogger. I didn’t mind. After all, I am a Mommy and I blog, and the majority of what I write includes my children in some way. But, I guess I just never put myself in that category – and honestly, it used to be for a reason.

I write because I want to talk to women as if they’re sitting around my kitchen island on a day when the kids are crazy, but we have found 5 minutes of uninterrupted conversation together.

I want to breathe hope into the desperate places that don’t get spoken of often. To call fears common and let them fall away as hope begins to rise.

But sometimes, the women that I invite to my world-wide-kitchen aren’t moms – well, not in the sense that they have children who call them, “Mom.”

For many, the word “Mom” brings pain. It is a title that many fear will never follow their name. It is a coveted role that many pray for daily. And some days, “Mom” seems unreachable.

I write for women in those moments too.

Because I have known them. I have known the pain of waiting for the two positive lines. I have known the devastation of miscarriage followed by another. And I have walked the heavy road back towards hope.

In the past, I didn’t want to be called a Mommy Blogger because I didn’t want to bring additional pain to these women who also needed hope. For the women who see greatly pregnant women and hurt. Who hear of successful pregnancies and ache for their own. Who want so desperately to share in the joy of others, but must suffer through their own sorrow to do so.

I didn’t want to say this is only a place for moms… as if it was some sort of exclusionary club.

But on a night not too many before my son was born, the Lord showed me a woman and told me that she was pregnant too.

“But she doesn’t look pregnant,” I asked him.

And the Lord spoke to my heart and said, “God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

And I looked again and I asked the Lord to show me what He saw.

And He spoke again and told me, “A mother is not made when a child is placed in her arms. A mother is made when the dream of a child is birthed in her heart.”

And it was in that moment that He reminded me… the most fertile place in a woman is not her womb. It is her heart. Because it is in the heart of a woman that dreams and visions are born. It is in a woman’s heart that she makes plans for a future. The soft ground of a woman’s heart is the most fertile thing about her.

Mommy blogger.

And my heart changed. Because if Mommy Blogger means getting to look into a woman’s heart and remind her of the dreams that grow there daily… if Mommy Blogger means getting to extend hope and say, “Don’t give up! Don’t let the dream within you go… If you need someone to have hope for you, let me! Because there is life waiting. There are dreams waiting to be born. There is a tomorrow full of promise!” Then Mommy Blogger is exactly what I want to be!

Have you withdrawn your hope, friend? Have you pulled it back so deeply that you don’t remember what the face of that sweet dream looks like anymore? Have you given up?

Listen carefully, friend. Because what the enemy has intended for evil, the Lord has used for good. Because when we withdraw our hope, when we pulled it back into the fertile ground of our hearts it begins to grow new life.

Friend. I see you. But more importantly – God sees you. He continues to hear the cries of your heart. He hasn’t forgotten about you. He hasn’t given up on you. And today, He simply asked me to remind you that it is not too late.

It’s never too late for God to step in, and in a moment, change everything.

So am I a mommy Blogger? Maybe so… Maybe so.

 

Also!!! Check out my new book now available wherever books and ebooks are sold!!

HopeUnfolding_3d

Comments

  • Jaclyn says:

    THANK YOU! I was just driving home not even an hour ago and thought of Mark 4 and the “chasm” of where I was when God told me the path to take and where I am now – the storm is raging – STILL. But the dream God has given won’t die!! I trust. The only thing I know to do. No matter how many times I have been told that exact scripture – I keep looking to the shore. One day I barely made it to church, I was sick and didn’t think I would even make it across the long parking lot – especially in the freezing cold January wind. As I sat in my car with tears about to smear my freshly applied mascara, I debated restarting the car to turn around and go home, but somehow I eventually made it into the sanctuary in time to hear our youth pastor begin reading from Mark 4 (to this day I still don’t know how I got across that parking lot). As my cold ears began thawing out I heard these words again that had been spoken directly to me in the middle of a Bible study a few months before – YOU’RE GOING TO THE OTHER SIDE!!! And it was in that very morning I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I wasn’t just hearing things – so thank you for confirming what the Spirit was showing me in the middle of my day. I’m so thankful for blogs like yours – I’m churchless at the moment and have had an interesting few years to say the least – but I’m flowing in the Spirit again in this new season and because of your obedience, you have encouraged me time and time again to not give up. THANK YOU!!! I am so thankful that baby boy is finally here and I will continue to pray for your complete healing as well. Have a fabulous week!!!

  • Corinna says:

    This really really blessed my heart. Thank you for sharing.

  • christina kochuba says:

    This is a beautiful post. It really resonated with me tonight.

  • Lauren says:

    I’m a relatively new follower and I must say you write so beautifully and have such great perspectives. We are all fighting our own battles, and it is so important to be compassionate to each other. Love your blog.

  • garysgirl says:

    Just love this post! Beautiful!

  • Emily says:

    As always, Thank You. I found your blog a few months ago and throughout this time, I’ve went back and read all of the past posts. I check back once or twice a week and always leave this site with a hopeful, joyous sense. There are so many words that I have felt in the depths of my soul. I rarely comment, but today I feel it is necessary. I truly believe that this post is for me. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for a while now. We’re 9 months and 1 miscarriage in and our arms, and womb, are still empty. A very close friend of mine just announced her pregnancy and, of course, they only ‘tried’ for a month. I have never been a quitter, ever. This month, I have finally decided to give up. I can’t handle the overwhelming disappointment anymore. There have been days that I have struggled reading a post about your children; the frustration, desire, and void consuming my heart. Today, you have given me hope. Hope knowing that a child is in my future because I have it in my heart. Eventually, we will be blessed with children. Being patient and waiting for God’s timing has been a battle for me, especially these last 9 months. Thank you. Thank you for including those of us who want to be a part of the ‘mommy’ world so badly, but it’s just out reach. Thank you for encouraging us to keep trying. Thank you for reminding us that God hasn’t given up on us. Lastly, thank you for being a light for God. He has given a gift and you are gratefully using it for his good.

  • Jana Taylor says:

    As someone who is adopted, I understand fully how a mom can be a mom without giving birth. I was blessed to have wonderful parents & I thank God every day that He saw to it I had loving parents. Now that I have a daughter who has started her married life, I still look for people who need “mothering” & do what I can to be that person in their life at that moment. Let’s face it, we all need mothering at times & having someone who can do that for you is a blessing.

  • “A mother is not made when a child is placed in her arms. A mother is made when the dream of a child is birthed in her heart.”

    Oh, this is so me. My husband and I do not have children yet, we have not even tried. But yet, in my heart I feel like I am a mother. That longing is definitely there. But the timing is not right.

    Thank you so very much for your words of encouragement.

  • Amy says:

    Thank you for this. It was exactly what I needed tonight. :)

  • Rachel says:

    My husband and I have been trying for a year to have a second child, and though our situation wasn’t the one you were addressing this meant so much to me. I have been praying for answers, too afraid the answer might be never, to hear what He was saying. Thank you for this.

  • Erin says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this! Spoke right to my heart, and made me cry happy tears. I am not a mother, but I really needed to hear this, so thank you.

  • Thank you for this! I suffered a miscarriage in early July. This past weekend I threw one of my best friends a baby shower. I was VERY honored to bless her but I was hurting. I prayed for God to ease the pain so I could focus on her. I haven’t given up hope to be a mom (again) one day but I have put it in the back of mind. This blog really made my heart smile and made me want to bring that hope back out of hiding! God is a good God and I will not let the devil attack me and make me feel ashamed for hoping for what God has promised me!! Thank you!

  • Carrie says:

    Thank you so much for this post. It came at the perfect time for me.

  • C says:

    Thank you so much for writing this. I had a miscarriage last fall, and I felt like a horrible person for seeing a pregnant woman and hurting. And for being jealous when friend after friend got pregnant, seemingly without even trying, while my husband and I tried and tried and tried with no luck. We are parents, though. There is a child in our hearts, though not in our arms. I have new hope now, and don’t feel like a bad person anymore. So thank you, thank you, thank you.

  • Jessica says:

    I loved this post and am so glad you shared it on your Facebook page. My husband and I have been trying to fall pregnant for the past 5 years now and still no baby. It tears at my heart when all my friends around me are falling pregnant and my sister just announced that she is pregnant with her second baby. My heart rejoices for the new little lives and for the jou they will bring…but a small part of me dies every time another friend announces thier pregnancy. My heart and soul longs for a baby of my own. My arms ache to hold the child of my heart. I know exactly what you meant by saying that you are a mom when you have the dream in your heart. I help other mom’s bring their babies into the world on a daily basis and almost feel like all those babies are a small part of my heart. Being a midwife lets me love babies everyday and it is a balm to my soul. But my heart longs for a miracle of my own. God has His timing and you have given me hope again. Thank you

  • Ashley says:

    Thank you so much for writing this. As a woman with the same struggles of infertility you spoke of, I appreciate this. Especially the line that a woman is a mother when the dream is placed in her heart. I have never thought of it that way. Thank you.

  • Rebeckah says:

    I just came across this and I REALLY needed this. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for over 5 years now and 2 days ago I decided that it was time to give up. I’ve spent many hours in tears thinking I would never have baby. Your post has changed my heart now. I will not give up hope! Thank you so much!

  • Danielle says:

    This post brought me to tears as we had our first pregnancy and miscarriage in January, followed but another pregnancy and miscarriage in March. With many pregnant friends around and Mother’s Day around the corner my heart aches and searches for hope that I’ll ever be able to be “mom” someday. Thank you

  • Jessica wright says:

    Thank you! I needed to hear this! My heart longs to be called “mom” it’s good to be reminded that God has not forgotten me. All in his time! I love your blog!

  • Candace says:

    I came across this post from a “share” on Facebook. I don’t know why I read it but I did. I am 48 and not a mother in the usual sense of the word. I thought I would be. It was my hope and dream for as long as I can remember to not only have biological children but to adopt as well. I have a mother’s heart and much love to give. And yet, the Lord had other plans for me and neither of these dreams have come to pass. I cannot say it has been without heartache as I have shed so many tears.
    I was struck by your comment “And it was in that moment that He reminded me… the most fertile place in a woman is not her womb. It is her heart. Because it is in the heart of a woman that dreams and visions are born.” Indeed this is true. I have also learned that our dreams and visions are often not fulfilled in the way that we expect. I am not a “mother” and yet…. God has given me many to love, to support, to cherish, to serve… outlets for my mother heart. It’s not the way I would have planned it. It’s not what I expected. But when I take time to consider what God has done I have to trust that His way is perfect and the best.

  • Molly Barney says:

    I just wanted to let you know how your post touched my heart. My husband & I spent many years trying desperately to have a child, but it was not to be. I am no longer able to have a child so the sorrow and pain linger within me. Your post spoke to my heart and eased some of the pain. I know the pain of letting go of the dream, but I also rest in the assurance that this is the path that God has placed us on. Whether we are able to have children or not, we have to remain hopeful and your words are balm to the soul of those in this journey of infertility. I just wanted to say how very much I appreciated this post. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

  • Angie Scheie says:

    Wow. I am siting here sobbing while reading this. So beautifully written, and even more so deeply touching. Thank you so much for writing this, because it is like you are writing straight to my heart. God is using you to try to encourage those hope starved places in my soul. I can relate to EVERYTHING you just said. Thank you, thank you:) xo

  • Emily Hicks says:

    I needed this today, thank you so much!

    -Future “Mommy Blogger.”

  • dipuo manaleng says:

    It makes me feel much better knowing the are people who care, just after Christmas my husband sad to me he want to try and have a baby outside because I can’t give him what he wants, I cried and ask GOD if he forgot me I don’t trust him anymore, a childless mother bear all the pain

  • Mrs T says:

    Thank you. I stumbled across your blog on Facebook and I thought ‘not another mummy blog’. Sometimes if I am feeling strong enough I will look at a mummy blog just to share in the joy of motherhood that I haven’t been blessed with yet, but I really did not expect to see this year. Today this is what I needed. Thank you for not forgetting those of us who are yet to have our babies from our hearts into our arms. xxx

  • Taylor says:

    Becky,
    I can’t even explain how badly I needed to hear this. I have tears streaming down my face. Today marks another month of infertility and I felt so empty. My heart aches to be a Momma and to make my amazing husband a Dad. I know God has a plan and that He is right here with me, but there is still so much pain. “A mother is made when a dream of a child is birthed in her heart”. Thank you. Praising God in the good times and bad and praying for a child in His timing.

  • Brittany says:

    Oh my goodness I needed to read this! I stumbled across your blog yesterday and really loved your article about quicksand! So, naturally I wanted to read what else you had to say. I quickly realized wow okay she’s a mom so much of this won’t relate to me, and I was reminded of my struggle trying to conceive. My husband and I have been trying for over half a year and nothing, yet. I know it hasn’t been that long, and sometimes it just takes time. This last week however, my in-laws who are just naturally blessed with fertility, decided to give their not necessarily asked for opinion. Which was that we aren’t trying enough and maybe we should consider other options. I know they are just wanting a new family member just as much as me so their hurtful words did really come from a good place. It was just a big blow to all the hope I had left. I know they truly didn’t mean any harm, they too just want to see us with a baby. Now, I’m in the testing part of the cycle, and I took my first test yesterday and it wasn’t just my husband’s and my hopes waiting for those two blue lines. It was the whole family’s hope just waiting, and I’m sure you can only guess how crushing it was when I got the negative. With going into a holiday weekend it was even more crushing, because I know I will be asked the dreaded questions many, many times. So, I haven’t been in a very hopeful place until I read this article! So thank you so much!

  • Lara says:

    Your heart is sweet to share these thoughts. They are comforting and welcome for weary souls like mine. “Mom” does honestly often feel like an exclusive club to me, one that I want to belong to badly yet have no idea when or how that could ever be. Thank you for your vulnerability and encouraging words!

  • BethAnn says:

    You have really opened my heart and I just really admire your writing. I want to tell you thank you for addressing this topic, and in the caring and gentle way you did. I have a few close friends who want nothing more than to be a Mommy. Thank you for writing this to give them hope and peace.

  • Julie K says:

    Becky, my dear cousin just came across this post and shared with me. Your words have spoken to my heart. I miscarried our first baby last year, and yesterday made one year ago that we found out we were expecting. It’s been a rough year, and I have been losing hope. Hope that I will ever see those two lines again, hope that I will get to feel my child move and grow inside my tummy, hope that I will look upon the face of the child that was made from love…hope that I, too, will get to hear someone call ME “Mom”. God has spoken to me today through you, and I thank you for being a friend even if only through the magic of the internet.

  • Chelsea says:

    A simple thank you isn’t enough…but other words aren’t either. Thank you for detailing this truth for those of us waiting on the dream of our hearts & hoping in Him!

  • Samantha says:

    It’s amazing how God uses words…you wrote this a year and half ago, but the Lord knew I would need to read this today. Thank you for being obedient to him and writing and sharing. This was incredible blessing to read.

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