What if You Could Go Back to the Beginning?

Hey friend,

I know that there are days when it is hard to love that spouse of yours. I know that there are moments when you don’t know how you’re ever going to make it. But I have this idea, and it just might change everything. But first, let me tell you this story.

One night, my husband and I found ourselves in the middle of another stupid argument.

I slammed our bedroom door, and threw myself across our bed like an overly dramatic character in a Disney movie. My husband followed me into our room. “What are you so upset about exactly?”

“That’s the problem! You really have no idea. Do you?” I shouted.

“I would if you told me,” He answered. “Are you really that upset about dinner? I’m sorry I said the green beans were gross, but they were. They were basically raw, and you know that I don’t like crunchy green beans. But I was eating them wasn’t I?”

“No. It wasn’t just dinner! Do you really think we are fighting about food?”

“Then, what was it?” My husband asked innocently.

And I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t tell him because if we are being completely honest, I would have to go back to the day that we began our relationship.

After all, that was the day that the list began. No, it wasn’t written down on paper. It was the list that I didn’t even realize I was making. It was the list of all of the times that he did something wrong, or frustrating or hurtful, and instead of addressing it, I just ignored it and added it to the pile of silent offenses.

Truthfully, at the time, I thought I was doing a good thing. I thought that I was just “letting it go” instead of making a big deal about it. Unfortunately, the way I think that I let things go, and the way that I actually let things go are two different situations all together.

Because without even realizing it, my pile of silent offenses is growing.

– The time that he chose to spend time on his phone browsing Facebook instead of talking with me.
– The time that he didn’t help me give the kids a bath because he was tired even though he knew how tired I was as well.
– The time when we first got married…
– The time when we first moved into our new house…
– The time when we were first new parents…
– The time…
– The time…
– The time…

Until there are nights like the one when he said he didn’t like my cooking, and we end up fighting about green beans – when it wasn’t the green beans at all.

It is never really about the green beans. Is it?

But, friend, what would it be like if we looked at our husbands/wives and saw nothing but love? What if we could go back to the day before they said the hurtful words, broke our trust, hurt our hearts?

What if we could tear up the list?

What would that be like to wake up and pretend like it was our first day as husband and wife… or even our first day dating each other. To wipe the slate clean and instead of responding with guarded hearts and through painful pasts… to treat each moment as if it was the very first time?

Sweet friend, you have so much love to give – and so do they. What if today you decided to just start over?

What if?

Friends, I’m taking this challenge to treat each day with my husband as if it was our first day together. How would I speak to him? How would I interact with him? Would my heart feel differently if we just started again at the beginning?

Sometimes, we can’t go back – but we can choose to start again for the sake of our marriage.

Will you join me? You can either share this post with your spouse or take this challenge without them realizing it… like a secret.

If you want to take this a step further, use the contact form to send me your email address. I will email you a daily challenge!

(Don’t tell my husband, but I started taking my own challenge a few weeks ago… and well,  just try it and see what happens in your marriage when you do. It might just be an answer to prayers.)

As always, friends,


I try and stay in touch with my readers on a personal level through social media. Share this post to pass it on, and then click here to find me on Facebook.

Comments

  • April Windemuller says:

    Wow…exactly what I needed to hear! Yet, it seems hard to do. We just had our first baby 5 months ago and I feel like our marriage is falling to the wayside. I hate that this is happening and don’t know what to do to change it. I often miss the pre-baby days of marriage and wish we could find our way back to that connection. I’d love to hear your daily challenges, but I just gave up Facebook. Is ther any way that you could share them her on your blog? I’d love to be a part of this with you and see if it could help with improving our marriage. Thanks Becky!

  • Lisa says:

    @ Trying to be stronger I think this post is meant for average couples. You have much bigger issues and responding negatively to this post won’t help. You and your spouse need some serious help or separate.
    I love the idea just to spruce up a bit of a boring marriage after 20 years. Thanks for the tips

  • Dani says:

    Communication could be key. I believe the hubby ought to know the items on the list. The challenge is how to bring it up to him in such a way that you are able to vent but things get better instead of getting into another heated argument. Planning and much prayer ought to help.

  • laura says:

    april– as a mom with 5 babies and who is still in love with her hubby, just remember this–it’s a season. when we had 2 in cloth diapers i wanted to tear my hair out! but things smoothed out and we reconnected. just be sure to be purposeful to reconnect as much as you can! don’t look at your situation like it’s beyond repair… get out the toolbox and repair it!

  • Brittney says:

    I hurts my heart to hear about you ladies hurting. I’ve been there. This challenge can help. I also recommend reading For Women Only and if you can have your husbands read For Men Only. I will pray for all troubles marriages and for you and your husbands hearts to open up to each other once again.

  • I came to your blog via the Finding Hope After Miscarriage post that you wrote. Such a beautiful post that touched my heart. So much truth there. That same story from Daniel really touches my heart too when I am faced with hard days. Even if He does not…

    Anyway, this is a great post too! It’s so good to communicate openly with kindness!

  • Hannah Henderson says:

    This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear tonight. This weekend is one that I have been dreading for an entire year. September 23, 2013 I found a conversation between my husband and a woman that he works with, and that conversation changed our lives forever. I was 8.5 months pregnant with a 2.5 year old and I had no idea what I was going to do. I fought for my marriage, and 2 days after our second child was born my husband decided to stay and work on our marriage. We are coming up on the one year mark of me discovering the affair, September 22 happens to be my birthday as well. It has been rough. I have never been so grumpy for no apparent reason in my life. I am constantly checking his facebook, and her facebook, and stressing myself out. This was exactly what I needed. I wish every day that we could go back to the beginning and not every deal with the pain and sense of loss that an affair inflicts on a marriage. Thank you.

  • Lindsay says:

    Omgosh the challenge…HOW????!!!!! Please write another post about HOW you are doing this! I can’t imagine just swallowing it all. It’s so painful. It would definitely help our marriage but just…how?

  • Paula Paulk says:

    We have been married for 11 months.
    It has not been easy.

  • Laura says:

    Hmm, this is a wonderful idea for marriages that just need a reminder of how and why they began and to refocus the love that remains. Sounds like the above marriage should have been ended awhile ago. I’m so sorry you were exposed to such abuse and hurt. May God guide you to a healthier and happier place.

  • Lauren Gomez says:

    I’m a young wife with many hurts in my heart. I needed this. Thank you!!!!

  • […] One is Scissortail Silk, who is doing a challenge to change the way she behaves with her husband, a Journey Back to how they were when they first started […]

  • Julie Swander says:

    I would Love to part of this

  • Denise Becker says:

    Please send me the challenge. Thank you!

  • Kirstin Redinger says:

    I’m up for the challenge!

  • Robin Stough says:

    I am looking forward to the daily email challenge!

  • Brittney D says:

    What if you could go back really got to me. It seems my husband and I are in a rut with all the stress of being new parents, health issues, and even personal issues. I often find myself thinking of just starting over from the beginning, but it’s just not that easy. I would love to try the challenge though. It seems to be exactly what I need to be able to remember why we’re doing this.

  • maria says:

    Daily challenge

  • Caley says:

    This is beautiful – I would love to please receive your email challenges. I really needed to read this today, and would love this challenge with my husband (ssh as a secret!) x

  • Tara Leonardi says:

    i would like to try doing the daily challenges

  • Ashley Burdett says:

    Please send me daily challanges. I would like to refresh our relationship

  • KYGirl says:

    Please email me the marriage challenges, it sounds like just what my husband and I need.

  • Meaghan Green says:

    Could you please send me the Daily Challenges!!! Thank you so much!

  • michele van benthuysen says:

    I love the kindness of your words in an unkind world! We need to remember we are called to show we are His disciples by our love for one another! Thanks

  • Stefanie Higdon says:

    Would love to know more about the daily challenge if it’s not too late

  • I want to do this challenge! Too late or can I still get these daily challenges?!

  • Jenna says:

    I really appreciated reading this ! My husband and I (just recently) are going through a struggle and I needed to hear this! Thank you! And if you’re still sending out the challenges I would love to take part! My Email is jennalea90@aol.com ( I know it’s a couple months old so if you’re not its okay (: )

  • Tyler Wheeler says:

    Hi there! I have to admit, I am addicted to your blogs. Every time I read one, it hits home. I would like to take the “Journey Back Challenge”! We have a Son that is 16 months, and we cant seem to get “back on track”. I think this would be a really great way for us and myself esp. to start over.

    Thank you!!

  • vanessa says:

    I would love to take the daily challenge. Thank you!

  • Morgan TuttlE says:

    challenge for treating husband like our first day!

  • Adriana says:

    I’m up for the challenge! My marriage is not in a good place and I’m not ready to give up!

  • Preya says:

    I love your posts! I can relate to all of them on so many levels!!!

  • Deb says:

    please do email me a daily challenge! I really need our marriage to go back to when we were dating… My husband to see me that way too!

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