To the Momma Who Needs to Vent


“I just cleaned this house!”

I sigh as I walk out of my bedroom and find a living room floor covered in toys AGAIN!

NO! No No No! I’m not cleaning this mess again today. I’m not doing it! I’m not going to spend all day sorting through these toys to get them put away nicely only to have you DUMP THEM BACK OUT ONTO THE FLOOR! These shoes go in this bucket. These socks go into this hamper. These books are not being read. Why are they on the floor? We just bought them. We need to treat them nicely and not WALK on them. Cups stay in the kitchen so that they do not… spill! Who brought their chocolate milk into the living room, and WHO spilled it?! That’s it! Nothing else is going to happen until we clean up this mess!

Four wide eyes stare blankly back at me as if I have just addressed them in a foreign language.

I sighed one of those “from the depths of my soul” sighs. And I try again.

“Guys. I’m going to need you to help mommy pick up this mess. Can we do this together?”

They nod their little heads up and down and scramble to find something to put away before Mom does whatever that was again.

Some days, it feels like I am just spinning my wheels and not getting anywhere. I pick up the same toys and the same shoes and fold the same laundry. I wash the same dishes and hang up the same wet towels, and I make the same beds.

Day after day after day after…

And some days, I just need to vent about it. I need to know that I’m not the only person who feels overwhelmed, or exhausted, or stressed.

But I have heard recently that moms who complain are givin’ other moms a bad rap… or rep… I guess I never had to write out that phrase… anyway, whatever that phrase is… they’re doing it.

And I realized this.

Motherhood is the only profession where you never get a day off, are on call 24/7, are often required to show up both days and nights, the work is never done but rarely ever seen, and even though you are stressed, sleep deprived, and downright exhausted… you must be happy and full of joy always or you might get a negative peer performance review.

Well, not here, ladies!

I don’t care if you are a stay at home mom, work at home mom, or work as a full-time employee and a full-time mommy – YOU and ME are in this together.

Yup. That’s right. Together. Because while the order of my days isn’t the same as yours – the ache to get it all right – to feel like we are making the best choices and not letting anyone down – yup, that’s the same or both of us. The desire to love fully and still have some strength left at the end of the day – yup, that’s the same for both of us too.

And some days, it’s hard not to complain – because some days are hard.

Real hard. Hard like, “here pick up this house and move it five feet to the left” hard. SO hard they seem impossible.

But YOU – you in the wonderful chaos that is sometimes difficult to celebrate – You aren’t hurting me by your frustration. You aren’t giving me a bad name with your moments of honesty.

You are real. Your life is real. And sometimes, it is not easy to find the joy in all of it.

But if I can just take a second. If I can encourage you for a minute.

Because, while there are moments in motherhood that seem to be barely survived let alone celebrated, you and I both know that there is also great joy.

Simple moments of over the top, fill my heart with gladness, makes all the madness worthwhile – joy.

The baby’s face when you come into the room after naptime.

The tiny arms around your neck at bedtime.

The giggles that only you can inspire by the silly sounds and playfulness during bathtime.

And the whispered, “I love you, Mommy,” just because.

We all need to feel like we can be honest with our feelings about motherhood. And honestly – all the grumbling in the world doesn’t make you a bad mom – or me a bad mom either. It just might mean that you need someone to tell you that you’re going to be okay and beyond that you’re doing a great job!

So, here’s to you. The employee of the month! If I had an office, I’d hang your picture in it! I would put your face on display as one of the best around so that everyone would know that YOU are a success.

Because you are.

Even on the days that you complain.

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Comments

  • Alyssa says:

    Thank you for this, my heart definitely needed it today. A two year old and me in my first trimester has proved wonderful so far, but today was NOT a good day. Your posts ALWAYS hit home for me, encourage and uplift me, and show me us moms and wives are not alone. Thank you for your words, you help so many! <3

  • Kate Benton says:

    I was told by one of my dear friends you have very inspirational posts and I so agree! Thank you for your beautiful and honest and are just what I need!

    Kate

  • Delina Wille says:

    THANK YOU! I really needed this today- it has been one of those weeks! I think there is such an awful ‘mommy’ competition through the internet these days and it is very sad and the truth is what you said. We are all in this together! Thank you for this wonderful, encouraging post.

  • Sheryl says:

    Thank you for this. Yesterday I read an article that was the opposite of this. It was written by a SAHM but she said we as SAHM shouldn’t complain. Because there are moms out there that cant be with their children and have to work. It was really unsettling to me. The life of a SAHM is not always easy and happy like you say. I love staying home with my children and I love being able to see their milestones and being the one to teach them. But I should be able to complain when I want and about what I want when its been a long day. Whatever life we are given, to be able to stay at home or to work, we should embrace. Putting others down will not make it any better or easier. Parents should be able to do what they are comfortable with for themselves and their children without worrying about being put down. So again, thank you for this. Its an amazing feeling to feel understood.

  • Allison Brown says:

    I needed this. An answer to a prayer. Thank you. Praying a prayer for you and finishing off my evening feeling blessed by your words tonight.

  • liz says:

    thank you , thank you, thank you!! I am so tired of the “be happy because you get to be with your kids!” I am so so happy to be home with them, but just having someone totally get how it is helps so much! Thank you for being in this with me!

  • garysgirl says:

    Wow. This was SO what I needed to hear. Your posts are always spot on & JUST what I’m needing to read at the moment. It is a Holy Spirit thing I’m sure! Thank you so much. I’ve been so moody lately. I just had a baby 6 weeks ago and I’ve got all those crazy post-pregnancy hormones in addition to having 3 boys under 4…some days I’m just overwhelmed! Lol And yet, like you said, it’s ALL worth it. And there’s nothing wrong with complaining now and then or having a hard day because we ALL do. I actually laughed out loud when I started reading your post and my son asked me why I was laughing and I was thinking “Because this mom is explaining our day PERFECTLY!” Lol It’s do so nice to hear I’m not alone and that everything I do is worth it and is important. Thank you again for this!! God bless you and yours.

  • Sarah says:

    THANK YOU! While I understood what that other blogger was trying to say, the feelings I had as I read her post are exactly what you have written!

  • Caley says:

    WOW!! This is all exactly what I was thinking when reading the comments going around aout ‘complaining moms’ but there is no way I could have expressed it so perfectly! Don’t we all have a love/hate relationship with our jobs – SAHM are no different!! x

  • Tatiana says:

    Becky, you are just beautiful. I can feel how tired you are. I am also with you in this. We all are connected… And my prayers are with you.
    Thank you so much.
    Tatiana from Moscow, Russia.

  • Ola Hannah says:

    So inspiring, thanks for this.

  • Christy says:

    I love this post! You have so wonderfully captured what I thought when I read that other post going around. Thank you for your never ending encouragement to all mamas!

  • Phoebe says:

    I needed this this morning. I’ve been following your blog because it hits home all of the time. I recently (10 days ago) had my second child and so I am currently on maternity leave. I’m usually a working mom. And this morning I just couldn’t knock the whole “I’m not me” feeling. I haven’t showered in a couple of days, and in between breastfeeding, which is new to me because it didn’t workout with my first, I feel like I’m constantly cleaning house and doing laundry or trying to plan and cook dinner. I also have this distant feeling from my husband and one year old son. My husband has really stepped up and helped out with our son, but I feel like I haven’t talked to him in days even though we have both been home every evening this week. And I see the jealousy in my sons eyes when he sees me feeding his sister. As I write this out I’m thinking to myself “yeah yeah yeah, quit your whining”. I know it will get better, but like you said sometimes you just need to vent.

  • Jessi says:

    SOO TRUE!!!! Some days I just need to vent as well!!! It’s the same old stuff we have to do EVERYDAY and most of the time all we get in return is criticism for everything not being done! I’m a stay at home mom with 5 kids under 8 and we also homeschool, so it’s really hard to get anything “extra” done around the house. You know, anything beyond the “need to get done everyday” stuff like everyone dressed, fed, school done, and kept safe from killing themselves or each other :-). So it’s a good day when I get a shower, or actually sit to eat a meal instead of just being cook and waitress, getting any “deep cleaning” done like vacuuming, dusting, or putting the clean clothes away! As it is, I think I had to leave my comp at least 3 times while reading your post just to tend to the kids! I love your posts because I can relate to them so well!! It is encouraging to hear my own feelings echo off the pages and to know that I’m not the only one that feels like that too! Thanks so much for being honest and for sharing your heart with me! I know some day these kids will be all grown up and out of the house before I know it, but right now, I’m just trying to make it through the day! Praying God gives you the strength for another day as well and that when our husbands come home at the end of the day, I’ll be praying for clean floors and maybe a smile of understanding for what wasn’t done and to appreciate all that we do! :-)

  • Abby says:

    Thank you for this! I read the article that I think you’re referring to, and it made me so sad because the last thing discouraged moms need to is to think that they can’t bring their frustrations or fears to someone. Burdens need to be carried together.
    Thank you!

  • TRICIA says:

    THANK YOU

  • Misty says:

    Dang, girl. I needed this today. Thank you for writing these words. How quickly we judge when in actuality we are all in this together. It’s tough being a momma and nice to hear that others recognize the battle. Hope your Friday is a great and blessed one.

  • Leah says:

    You never cease to amaze me. You have such a great talent with your words. Please never stop. You speak directly to my heart and just when i feel like things are too much, you post things like this that make me regroup. I only have 1 – 11 month old and love him more than anything in the world, but sometimes we just need to vent and/or know we aren’t alone. Same toys, same mess, same night over and over. I try to embrace the chaos because someday we will be missing it! We would totally be friends if you lived in Cali :)

  • Hi, this is such a great post! It’s so true that we need to allow ourselves to be honest with how we’re feeling. Motherhood is incredible but also such hard work and so demanding. I think sharing frustrations or worries with other mums and learning from more experienced mums is essential. Thank you for sharing! xxx

  • Amy says:

    I read this and am overwhelmed and in tears. You have a way with words that speak to my heart. I don’t usually comment on posts or blogs, but you have no idea how much I needed this!

    Sometimes I’m so exhausted, that I can only pray a simple prayer of thanksgiving at night. I am trying to do a “mommy study” by Daniel Bean called “Momnipotent”. Like you, she has a way with words and it is sometimes like she is looking into both my life and my soul – you both always know what I need to read when I pick up the book (in her case) and the blog in you case.

    Thank you – from the bottom of my heart!

  • natalie says:

    I really needed to hear this today! Thanks

  • Mackenzie says:

    Thank you. So appreciated on this very hard day for me. I appreciate YOU! :)

  • Erin Fuller says:

    This is one of the best ones yet!!!!! I love reading these because as a full time mommy of 3 and a stay at home mommy at that, it gets so stressful and reading these always makes day!!!

  • Belinda says:

    As I read this, I could not help but smile at the memories you brought back to me. I’m a empty nester. I walk around the house now to no clutter, no toys on the floor and no clean clothes in the hamper and no one to holler at..lol. I miss it

  • Casey says:

    Thank you again!! My husband recently has been telling me I am a very negative person and that I need to not be so negative and not so whine-y about everything, but today I realized…I’m only this was with him. I teach all day at a school that I’m super frustrated with (it’s not quite what they sold me on when I interviewed), but I put on a happy face with them, I make dinner and bathe my kids with sheer exuberance, but by the end I’m exhausted and sad and frustrated that I have to do it all again tomorrow and I guess I’m taking it out on him, because I “just need to vent”. Mind you, we have a good marriage, it’s just hard at the end of each day to be perky and happy anymore. How do you stay happy and positive and perky after days like this? Thanks again for your posts!! They’re always perfectly timed!

  • Emily W says:

    Oh boy, I needed this tonight. My house is a mess…I’m talking, “out of 6 places to sit alone in my living room, I have to clean off a spot to sit” kind of messy. I feel like I can’t get it all done and still work in some play time with my 4 year old. I know venting on Facebook is rarely ever wise, but I did it, and this other mother chimed in and started preaching at me. I know she meant well, but that’s how it made me feel. I needed something encouraging like this. So thank you. :)

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