The Day My Husband Bought Me a Little Black Dress

“I want to buy you a LBD (little black dress) for our trip to Colorado. Any input?”

The text message from my husband flashed across my phone. He was working out of town, and I had just gotten three babies in bed by myself. I was tired. No. I was exhausted. I had been on mommy duty all day long (while also trying to meet my deadline on my book, and keep up with my blog, and encourage the hearts of mommas everywhere.)

JARED-AND-I

I wanted to open up my computer and put my feet up and not think about anything. I was ready to check out. Truth be told, I’m not sure I had even showered yet when I received his message. The baby had woken up at 5:30, my oldest right behind him at 6, and I never even had a chance to stop and take a minute for me. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to my husband about getting dressed up and trying to be sexy.

I first thought about replying, “Yes. You may buy me any dress that you would like… so long as it’s not little or black or a dress.”

I did not feel like picturing this body in anything that showed it off. My youngest is 8 months old, and while the scale tells me a number that is close to what it said before my three kids came along, my mirror hasn’t gotten the memo. The mirror still shows me a body that has been growing people for a total of 27 months in the last five years. I have grown and shrunk and stretched and lost and gained and dropped and… well, had three babies.

I’m a momma now.

I would have been much more comfortable with putting on a cute pair of jeans and a blouse with a jacket and enjoying a dinner out with my husband… and there would have been nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with putting on what makes you feel good and wearing it proudly no matter your shape or size.

But as much as I wanted to tell my husband, “Look, buddy, that’s not happening, so just forget about it.”

I stopped and I listened to his heart for a minute.

See, while it’s so easy for me to see all of the things that have changed, and all the areas that I need to “fix” (that don’t really need fixing,) that sweet husband of mine apparently doesn’t see things the way that I do when he looks at me.

He has this crazy way of still seeing me… His wife.

He still sees the woman that he fell in love with, and apparently, he is still attracted to her – (baggy t-shirts and extra baby fluff and all.)

I think that’s the truth for a lot of husbands. They know that our roles change when we become Mommy, but when they look at us they don’t see mommy. They see the woman they fell in love with. They see the woman who said, “Yes” to becoming their wife.

But I don’t think they really know how to tell us, “Hey, remember when you were mine?”

And honestly? It feels so hard to remember how to be theirs, when we don’t even remember how to be us some days… when we put ourselves last over and over… when we look in the mirror and don’t even know where to start.

So, as I held that phone in my hand, deciding how I would respond, I made a choice, and I replied, “I think I would like something that has a little bit of lace on it.”

Because while I could have pushed my husband away, I chose to remember myself. I chose to remember a woman worth caring about, who has a husband that loves her and who is a person beyond being a Mommy. I chose to remember that I am worth my own attention. And I chose to remember that if my husband thinks I’m attractive, then I am. And sometimes showing him (and reminding myself) means letting him buy me a little black dress.

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  • lauren says:

    i dont even know you but i love you girl- getting him to buy that dress for you was a healing choice. thank you for sharing!

  • Elizabeth M says:

    Becky that is so sweet!! My husband has a similar heart!! This made me put my self in your shoes and think of what my husbands little black dress would be and i thought of the scene in “Jersey Girl” where the girls father buys her a dress for a corporate cocktail party and it is totally the wrong dress for the occasion (80’s prom dress), but she wore it proudly. Its the heart that matters, its his heart that loves you, and we are lucky to belong to these men who love us so much!! Thanks for the reminder that we are worth that love and that when we look in the mirror and see a worn out slob our hubbies see past the sweat, tears, and baby drool to their beautiful super hero wive’s!

  • chelsea says:

    Can’t thank you enough for this post… the timing couldn’t be better. Praying you are encouraged by writing out your thoughts as much as we are by reading them <3

  • Emily says:

    I love this. I am a momma of two with one on the way and I have a consistent attitude of laughing any time my husband says I am sexy or beautiful. I’m learning everyday to accept the complements because I was his wife first. thank you :)

  • Amanda says:

    This brought tears to my eyes – I needed to read this more than you could imagine right now! 3 kids in 5 years with the oldest being 9 months. Guess you can see how your story grabbed my attention :)

  • RK says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart- you truly encourage this momma! I have only recently discovered your blog, but the posts I have read so far always seem to be something the Lord particularly wanted me to hear. Even in our churches, it seems we women have a hard time being real with each other- allowing ourselves to have faults and struggles and then (gasp!) allowing others to see those faults and struggles. It is a breath of fresh air to read that other mommas and wives must often fight through the same battles(mental and spiritual)that I do. I know that the Lord always understands, but it is nice to know that a fellow sister understands as well. Again- thank you and may the Lord continue to guide and use and strengthen you as you serve Him through your writing!

  • “Hey, remember when you were mine?”
    This line stopped me… I think I know someone who has been trying to say this… Thank you for putting it into words.

  • Julie says:

    As a newlywed who cannot bear a child, at first I did not see how this post would apply to me (but yet I still read your blog). However, I am a wife and someday I will be a mother through the path of adoption. But even as a wife who does not have children, I know the feeling. It’s so important to consider your spouse’s feelings above your own, and it’s not easy. Thank you for this reminder!

  • Jennifer says:

    I think this story can prove to be true for many women out there in every situation. It’s about taking a moment to realize you are worth something.

  • First of all, I just want you to know how much I love your blog. It is so encouraging and inspiring, and I’m not even a mom! I just think your words are God-breathed and it’s a blessing to get to read them. This is such a good post, though, even for those of us who aren’t moms. I have struggled with body issues all my life, but my husband thinks I’m beautiful even when all I can do is point out all the things I’d like to “fix.” Thank you so much for this beautiful message!

  • Wendy Dewall says:

    Curious moms want to know if you did get that Lacey little black dress and a pic of how fabulous you looked in it???

  • Ashley says:

    How I needed this! I’m ten weeks pregnant with my first and already my body is changing so much. And as much as I want to, I don’t like it. But my husband? He thinks I’m as sexy as ever and just as gorgeous as the day we got married. Every time I read your words I am encouraged and so thankful for your honesty.

  • Krystal says:

    Thank you, thank you for this! My husband asked me to take a day off work in the next two weeks…to probably do nothing! My days are limited & I’m by no means a workaholic, but I’ve been swamped lately. I thought, you know, my husband wants to spend the day with me, without the kids, to do who knows what, so why not!?!?!?! Having two very active teenage girls and a very energetic 3 1/2 year old little boy leaves this mama pretty worn out! Too often we don’t put ourselves first, and when the hubby says/asks something of us, we should think of it from their perspective instead of ours, we may like the way it looks from their side…sometimes!
    I will be his again, even if only for a regular Wednesday! :)

  • Jill H says:

    Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. Overtime I read what you write, it’s exactly what I need to hear. I’m a single mommy and it’s tough…. so thank you.

  • Heather says:

    Thanks for this! My husband works out of town during the week so on the weekends its easy to still be in “mommy mode” especially when we get into routines and such… This is a great reminder to slow down and just be present with him, even if the kids are running around!

  • Heather Todd says:

    Thank you so much for this post. I had 3 babies in 2 years. My oldest just turned 2 1/2 and my youngest is 5 months old. I have a hard time remembering a time when I wasn’t pregnant and feeling huge. Though I am finally back to pre-pregnancy weight, I don’t look the same. My husband tells me all the time that he finds me sexy and I’m trying to believe him. This post has helped me remember that I was a wife first and that hasn’t changed in his eyes. Thank you for encouraging other moms. I really appreciate it and I hope God blesses you for what you are doing.

  • angie says:

    Thank you for sharing this! I am a mother of two, my second being almost 6 months old. I have felt like my looks have gone south since becoming a mommy and I am ashamed to show my post baby body in any way! I know I shouldn’t feel like that, because I know my husband still finds me beautiful, even though sometimes I don’t feel beautiful. Your post helped me feel better about myself, and to take time out of my baby filled life for me and to love myself!

    Thank you!

  • Korie says:

    I’m really glad that you included the word “most” when you said you think most husbands are like that. Mine most definitely is not. Our first daughter is almost 8 months old, and while the number on the scale is going down, I still have quite a bit of extra fluff. My husband doesn’t seem to find me attractive at all, and frequently mentions his desire for me to get back into shape. Sometimes it makes reading articles like this hard on me emotionally, but I am glad you shared. Thank you for your honesty!

  • Caley says:

    Amazing how there are little lessons to learn everywhere we turn… This was a beautiful message and an amazing response x

  • Larry says:

    That was a wonderful message. It is my goal to always keep my wife looking good. It has a way of lifting her spirits, even if it is a simple thing. I pick out half of her shoes and many of her outfits. On the flip side, I would encourage young brides and mothers to contemplate the song “Wives and Lovers” by Julie London from many years ago. It is available on youtube.

  • Lauren says:

    So good. So, so, so good. A reminder I needed today. The tears in my eyes are evidence of that. Thank you.

  • Madi says:

    Thank you for sharing this! I so needed to read it. Our little boy is 11 weeks old and I definitely have had times where I have forgotten that I am first and foremost my husband’s wife.

    I love reading your blog. When I am having a rough day I will come here and be encouraged. Please keep writing, our little family thanks you! :)

  • Anna Sadler says:

    I try to remember this even now at time – still pre-babies. I’m sure it’s even more common and important to remember once mommy-hood comes. Thanks for the encouragement and the feelings many of us regularly experience for a variety of reasons causing feelings of inadequacy! <3

  • Jesse May says:

    So sweet! I’m eight months pregnant and feel absolutely gigantic, so when my husband says something like, “You sure are a beautiful woman!” I almost want to ask him if he’s joking. 😉 I know he’s not, and it’s nice to be reminded that he doesn’t see me how I see myself. :)

  • Kayla says:

    thank you so much for this post! I have two kids, a one year old and a three year old and it spoke to me!! I’ve never thought about it like that before and it just blew my mind. Just wanted to let you know it was a great eye opener this morning- I never feel like getting dolled up to go out with my husband because I feel so differently about myself since having the kids but now I understand why it’s so important and why my husband looks at me the same as he did 5 years ago when we were dating!

  • Lili says:

    I am in love with your articles. They give me so much encouragement. I had 4 kids in 5 years of my marriage and when I read your articles my heart lifts up, knowing that I am not alone. God bless you and your family! Pls don’t stop writing

  • Lili says:

    I am in love with your articles. They are so encouraging. I had 4 kids in 4 1/2 years and when I read what u have to say my heart lifts up, knowing that I am not alone. God bless your family and pls don’t stop writing.

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