Moms, Here’s Our Christmas Game Plan Huddle

Becky Thompson — Sun, 26 Nov 2017 03:21:32 +0000

I can see you over there… trading out your regular anxiety and stress for festive holiday anxiety and stress.

The last of the turkey leftovers have been eaten, and it’s officially Christmas time.

Magical. Your neighbor’s Christmas lights are going up and so are the expectations you feel to make this season special for YOUR family.

You’re wondering how you’re going to fit that toy your kid is asking Santa for into the budget… when there are still things like bills to pay.

Sure there are sales… but it’s still all so expensive.

The Door Buster deals and the Cyber Monday deals and the up to 60% off deals are still more than you can comfortably afford… and those sales almost taunt you. “Look! We’re holding it closer. Can you jump and reach it now?”

You’ve got pageants and recitals and Christmas plays coming. Gifts for the teacher and class parties. There will be Church festivals and small group gatherings and work parties… and everyone will need something to wear to all of it.

Tights and shoes and matching sweaters for the boys. Glitter hair bows and a new set of cute cold weather boots… all uncomfortable outfits that you’ll have to force your children to wear when they’d rather wear the Shimmer and Shine or Paw Patrol shirts.

Christmas pictures that will hopefully turn into Christmas cards, but might never make it into the mail and only onto the internet…

And a tree… a tree that you might have to keep the baby from playing with or let the big kids decorate (when you’d really rather just do it yourself, but they’re so proud of their clumpy ornament placement).

And memories… freaking happy memories to make dangit. Cookies and gingerbread houses and snowflakes out of coffee filters. Hot cocoa and Christmas movies… and 3,679 commercials for all the things they REALLY REALLY want instead of that one thing you sold a kidney to buy (BECAUSE THEY ASKED SANTA FOR IT AND HAD TO HAVE IT A WEEK AGO).

So much pressure!

Hey friend? In one month, it will all be over. One month from today, all of the presents will have been opened, all of the batteries will have been installed, some of the wrapping paper may have even been thrown away, and your kids will probably be asking to play on some screen instead of with that expensive toy they had to have.

And as you sit and wonder if everyone is happy, if you succeeded in making this Christmas good enough or magical enough or special enough for your family…

I want you to remember this moment. This moment before it all really gets going. This moment when you decided that your best will be good enough, that your children already have all that they really need, and that you aren’t going to believe that your family’s happiness rests on your shoulders alone.

You are going to remember this moment when you decided to look ahead to the finish line and make the choice to strip away every expectation for what Christmas should be or needs to be and just….let….it… be whatever it will be.

So before we get going, before one more sun comes up or goes down, bringing us that much closer to celebrating the birth of our Lord, (which is what we too often forget Christmas is really all about), we are going to pause. And in this beat… this short break… this one fleeting moment… we are going to ask the Lord to walk each day ahead with us.

We are going to ask Him to help us stay present and free from the yucky burden of self-imposed expectations… and we are going to embrace our Paw Patrol shirt life.

You are a rockstar. You are going to add so much joy to your home this Christmas.

And I hope this Christmas turns out to be everything you want it to be.

But more than anything, friend, I hope that whatever it is ends up being is more than enough.

It will go by in a flash. Hang on tight. We got this. Deep breath. And…. break.

MORE HOLIDAY ENCOURAGEMENT

When What’s Best For Your Child Doesn’t Make Sense to Anyone Else

Becky Thompson — Tue, 15 Aug 2017 01:28:26 +0000

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When What’s Best For Your Child Doesn’t Make Sense to Anyone Else

It’s nine o’clock AM, and I am sitting outside my daughter’s first grade classroom with my laptop open and my heart a little nervous. The school, built decades ago, isn’t setup like most. The classrooms open up to a central library. And while you might think that noise or distractions would prevent little minds from being able to focus, this is one of those buildings constructed in such a way that the sound bounces and each room stays somewhat quiet. I don’t understand it either, and I’m sitting here.

From where I sit, I can see my daughter’s little back pulled up to a tiny desk, working on tracing letters. Every few minutes, she peeks over her shoulder just to make sure I haven’t left. And I won’t. I promised I would stay all day.

So why am I sitting here? Why will I sit outside my daughter’s classroom for the rest of the day? The short answer is… this is what’s best for my child.

The long answer would require me to take you back about four years. This story isn’t everything, but it is everything you need to know to understand how we both got here today.

Before I jump in though, I want you to know this. I am not writing this article to change your mind or make you believe that what I am doing is right for our family. As the parent of my child for the last six years, I know more about my daughter than I could ever hope for someone else to understand. I couldn’t condense her life enough to explain everything that brought us to this moment. So, I’m not trying to convince you that this is what is best for us. I decided that a long time ago.

I am offering our story for the parents who need it. I am sharing my story so that maybe you will be more confident in yours. I am writing this for the caregiver who needs to know they aren’t alone. You will know who you are.

All of that being said, this article is long – much longer than most of my writings. To be honest, this is nearly a book chapter in length, but for some reason… for this story… it all needs to be said.

THE BEGINNING

Four years ago, we discovered that my daughter, my second born, is allergic to peanuts. Looking for a substitute food for her older brother, who basically lived on peanut butter sandwiches at the time, we decided to try cashew butter one afternoon.

I handed him a small square of bread with less than dime sized amount of cashew butter spread thinly across it, and I turned around to walk toward the kitchen sink. I had made it two steps when he began to sneeze and choke.

I spun around. His face was bright red, and he couldn’t catch his breath. He sneezed another half dozen times as I grabbed my car keys, scooped up my daughter, and raced them both to the ER.

My son was three. My daughter was two. And this was our first experience with anaphylaxis.

That afternoon ended with the best possible outcome, considering the circumstances. My son was given epinephrine and steroids, and we were able to save him. But save him is the right choice of words, because the afternoon could have ended much, much differently.

My daughter was there for all of it, and even though she was very young, that was the day the anxiety found a door into her heart. (I have found that trauma will use any door.)

She watched her brother struggle to breathe. She watched the doctors race to save him. She heard about the shots, and she heard about the danger, and that was the day she became truly afraid of food.

You might suppose that it would make more sense for my son to become afraid. After all, it had happened to him, but I don’t suppose fear cares who it scares. Our Enemy will take any ground he can get.

That experience taught my daughter that some foods make very scary things happen. She didn’t understand which foods and she didn’t understand why, but eating became dangerous and being away from me felt very unsafe.

Over the next few years, my daughter set up boundaries to help herself function. She would let me know what she did and didn’t feel comfortable eating, and I understood that it was more than pickiness. It was self-defense.

I wish that I could say I helped her in the beginning the way that she needed me to. I wish that I could say I supported all of her boundaries, but I was always trying to help her expand her borders. I was always doing my best to help her distinguish between rational and irrational fears, and sometimes I pushed a little. But I didn’t understand then what I do now.

KINDERGARTEN

Last year, I enrolled my daughter in full day kindergarten. Lunch would be served, but I would send her only what she felt safe eating. There would be snacks served as well, but none with the allergens potentially deadly to her.

I did my best to create an environment where she could thrive. But thrive doesn’t even remotely describe what took place last year.

After the initial fear of leaving me and the tears shed at the beginning of every day, she seemed fine. Her teacher told me that she would participate and appeared generally happy all day long.

But afternoons were a different story. She would have panic attacks and uncharacteristic anger. She couldn’t calm down. She couldn’t listen. She was just so mad and easily triggered. (This was even after we had removed the artificial colors from her diet.)

We couldn’t figure it out. What were we doing wrong?

One afternoon in the middle of a fit about something that didn’t even make any sense, she collapsed into my arms and cried, “Momma, I’m just so scared all of the time!”

And I could finally see it. I realized that she was so tense all day. She was so afraid that someone would touch her after they had eaten something she was allergic to. She was afraid to be near her friends. She was afraid that just picking up the wrong crayon after another student used it would cause her to have an allergic reaction.

It was too much for her little heart to manage 20 other children and what they had and hadn’t touched all day.

She could hold it together, but home was a safe place to fall apart. As it turns out, her breakdown was actually the breakthrough we needed. We understood her behavior wasn’t defiance or typical separation anxiety or anything else. It was fear… a deeply rooted fear that this praying momma had done everything she could to overcome.

I feel like it is important that I share this. I’m a Christian woman, and I struggle (and have struggled) with anxiety for most of my life. We can trace mine back to childhood as well. Recently, I discovered that a genetic disorder and vitamin deficiency were the root cause of my anxiety. You can read more about that here if you’d like. But this story is about my daughter… and how we both ended up in first grade today.

HOMESCHOOL

The afternoon that my daugther broke down, and we realized that school was the cause of her misbehavior, I began to work to find another answer for her. Of course, from the outside she seemed like a typical kindergartener who just didn’t want mom to leave at the beginning of the day. No one saw what we experienced at home. It was hard to share my heart with those in authority, because honestly… there was so much that you couldn’t understand unless you were there.

It was hard to explain what we were going through to other parents whose children could easily do something like go to school.

I decided to meet with the her teacher and the school principal. We worked out that she would just go for a few hours a day and then come home to finish her work. But a few months later when we weren’t noticing much difference in her behavior, we made the decision to homeschool. It was a powerful moment when I realized that my daughter’s schooling didn’t have to look like everyone else’s. When I was able to let go of what I had imagined for her and allow her to experience what she needed.

Homeschooling was the best thing for her. She needed that semester and summer at home. She thrived. She expanded her boundaries on her own. She grew emotionally and in her understanding of what situations were and weren’t dangerous. She went to sleepovers at trusted friend’s houses. She went to her church class alone. She was brave again and again.

But I could tell as the summer came to a close that the idea of returning to school carried two different emotions for her. She felt safe at home, but she missed her friends and she missed learning with peers. And anyone who has ever struggled with anxiety knows that sometimes the hardest moments are those when we really wish we could be a little braver… when we wish it was as easy for us as it is for everyone else.

FIRST GRADE

School started in our district last Thursday. I woke up my kids and helped them put on their first day of school outfits. We had breakfast. We took photos on the front porch. And then we drove my son to the school. As we walked him inside, my daughter saw all of her friends. She saw former classmates. She saw our neighbor excitedly going into her new class. And I could tell that my daughter was sad.

“I wish I felt brave enough to go,” she told me on the way home.

I wished she did too.

Her first day of homeschool this year didn’t carry the same relief as it did last year. There was a bit of sadness that surrounded it. We reviewed math facts and read a few books. We went online and printed our yearly assessment tests to make sure that the books I had ordered would be the ones she needed. But something in me wondered if she would end up using those books at all. I still wonder.

As we worked through her papers, I had an idea. (One I probably should have thought through before I announced out loud.)

“Sister? What if I went to first grade, too?” I offered.

“You’d go with me all day?” she asked.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t know how this would work. I definitely didn’t have the permission of the principal to come to first grade… But I know that students who have other educational challenges are often allowed certain help. Perhaps, my daughter would be granted a special allowance? It couldn’t hurt to ask.

Friday afternoon when we went to pick up my son from school, we ran into one of the first-grade teachers. This teacher taught my son last year, and my daughter was able to get to know her a bit as well. She asked how homeschooling was going, and I told her how I had ordered our books for the year and were just waiting for them to come in.

And then I told her how my daughter was thinking about coming back to school. The events that unfolded next don’t make a lot of sense, except to say they were a direct result of prayer.

That kind woman said that she would love to have my daughter in her class if she decided to come back. She knew her story and would help in any way she could. We asked my daughter if she wanted to look around her potential new classroom, and she agreed.

We found where her desk would be. We learned what her day would look like. And we decided that momma would come with her on Monday if she felt brave enough to start the first grade.

And, wouldn’t you know, that’s exactly what happened. This morning, my daughter walked bravely into her new class. She greeted her classmates. She has done her work. So far, she has had a wonderful day.

I don’t know how long I’ll sit here. I don’t know if it will take the rest of the week or just the next day or so. Honestly, I don’t even know if we will be back tomorrow. I won’t be able to see what the days ahead look like until they come.

But I can say this, I am not afraid of finding what works for my kid. I am not afraid of asking for help or special allowances. I am not afraid of what the other parents think of me. I’m not afraid to say tomorrow that this wasn’t the answer.

Her father and I are her only advocates. It is up to us to find what works if the boxes do not. It is up to us to help our child succeed by giving her the tools to do so, even if they don’t look like anyone else’s. Two of her best resources are parents who are not afraid to try new things and admit when certain things don’t work.

So here I sit outside of her classroom. The day is almost over. I’ve taken a few breaks from writing. (I had to go to PE and lunch and recess after all.)

But this is what I hope you take from our story.

You may not have a child who suffers from anxiety (or maybe you do). You may not have a child who needs special arrangements in school (or perhaps you do). You may not have related to one part of what I have shared.

But this is true for all of us… We each parent very individual children – children who will grow up to be very individual adults. And you know them better than anyone else. You know their full story. You know their real story.

And the best thing you can do as a parent is boldly support them as the Lord unfolds that story, unafraid if it looks different than you imagined or different from anyone else’s.

Teachers or family or friends might not always understand. They might not always support you. They might not ever fully get it.

But bravery isn’t just an act of doing a scary thing easily.

Maybe the braver person is the one who does the scary thing even when it isn’t easy.

And being a parent is rarely easy. Friend, that means we are braver than we know.

YOU MIGHT FIND THESE ARTICLES HELPFUL

Why Many Millennial Parents Struggle With Anxiety

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As a Christian woman battling chronic anxiety, I know what you're facing, but I also know that there is hope and healing for your anxious heart.

learn more

I'm Becky Thompson. I'm the author of Hope Unfolding, Love Unending, Truth Unchanging, My Real Story, Midnight Mom Devotional (which I co-wrote with my own momma, Susan Pitts), Peace and Midnight Dad Devotional (which I co-wrote with my dad, Mark Pitts). They've been USA Today, Publishers Weekly, and ECPA bestsellers. They've been on store shelves in Target, Walmart, Barnes and Noble, and even Cracker Barrel. Most importantly, they are connecting women to what Jesus says is true.

I began writing online in 2013 when I created a small fashion blog which grew dramatically in just one year. After one of my articles went viral, I found myself with a large following and opportunities I hadn't imagined.

In 2016 I founded the Midnight Mom Devotional Community on Facebook which I run with my momma. With one million moms joining together in nightly prayer, we are one of the largest nightly prayer movements in America. We invite you come join us!

I host the Revived Motherhood Podcast, which became one of the top Christian podcasts in America just weeks after it debuted. Season two releases soon!

In my day to day life, you'll find me living in NW Oklahoma, spending my time as a wife to my husband, Jared, and a momma to our three kids.

I'm so glad that you have found your way to this website. For more information or for booking inquiries, please use the contact page.

So much love!

Looking for something specific?

Truth For the Woman Who Feels Like She’s Sinking

Becky Thompson — Wed, 02 Aug 2017 23:15:56 +0000

Truth For the Woman Who Feels Like She’s Sinking

It was windy that night. I’m not sure how windy. The story doesn’t say. Scripture just says the boat was already some distance from land, battered by the waves, because the wind was against them.

You know this story. It’s the one where Jesus (and Peter) walk on water. Remember?

Jesus’s disciples are in a boat making their way to the other side of the lake when Jesus catches up to them. The guys in the boat see Him walking on the water and they’re afraid He’s a ghost.

When Jesus calls out to them, “It’s Me! Don’t be afraid,” Peter recognizes His voice and responds.

“Lord, if it’s you, command me to come to You on the water.”

Jesus replies, “Come.”

And Peter climbs out of the boat and starts walking to Jesus.

You know, I wonder why we don’t spend more time cheering that Peter was brave enough to climb out of a boat and attempt to walk on water and why we spend so much time talking about the sinking part.

But we do.

Maybe because sinking is more relatable than walking.

Maybe because big brave hard things aren’t as common as finding ourselves in a situation where we need Jesus to rescue us. Right?

Maybe it is because at some point, we all sink.

But that’s right where I want to pause with this story. Because have you ever really considered what it must have been like to be standing next to Jesus one moment and neck deep in water the next? (Maybe you feel like that now.)

Let’s imagine it. Peter begins to go down, looks up at Jesus and cries out, “Lord! Save me!”

And Scripture says that Jesus reached out and caught him.

I wish Scripture was more clear about what happened next. But here is what I guess took place. I don’t think they swam back to the boat. I don’t think Jesus walked on the water while dragging Peter through the water by his arm. Can you even imagine how ridiculous that would be!?

I think that Jesus lifted Peter up out of the water, and they walked back to the boat together.

I think Peter climbed into the boat wet… and I believe that he never forgot the importance of having someone reach down and pull you up.

Maybe you feel like Peter right now. You feel like you’re about to be in over your head and everyone you know is watching you go down. You feel like you just can’t keep up, keep your eyes on Jesus… even though you know that’s what you’re supposed to be doing.

All of the reminders that Jesus is just in front of you and to keep your eyes on Him aren’t working… and the wind and waves are very real.

You are overwhelmed… and all you can do is shout, “Lord! Save me!”

If that’s you, can I tell you some Truth right now? Sinking sucks. But there is something powerful that happens when you are pulled from the water.

… when you have the opportunity to see Jesus as One who will stand over you and pull you from the water… In that moment, you learn how to do something you wouldn’t know the true importance of otherwise.

You learn how to pull others to their feet.

Not long after that night and shortly after Jesus went to Heaven, Peter and his friend, John, were going to the Temple to pray one afternoon. As they approached the Temple, a man lame from birth was being carried in.

Peter and John looked at him intently, and Peter said, “Look at us! I don’t have any silver or gold for you. But I’ll give you what I have. In the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene, get up and walk!”

Then Peter took the lame man by the right hand and helped him up. And as he did, the man’s feet and ankles were instantly healed and strengthened.

He jumped up, stood on his feet, and began to walk! Then, walking, leaping, and praising God, he went into the Temple with them.

I wonder if Peter remembered the night in water as he stood over that crippled man.

I wonder if he thought of how Jesus had stood over him the same way. I wonder if he saw himself in the face of that man.

And I wonder if the moment Peter reached down and extended his arm to lift that man to his feet if he felt the the power of God moving through his hand the same way Jesus had.

Friend, I have no clue why you feel like you’re sinking. I have no idea if it’s kids or money or your marriage or your job or your health… or if it is all of it.

But I know this, someday when you’re back on your feet (because one day you will be) you’re going to need to know how to reach down and pull someone else from where you are today.

Someone is going to need to know how the Lord got you out of this.

So, to the woman who feels like she’s sinking… take notes. There are just some things you can only learn from being someone who sank.

This is an excerpt of a journal I created for you called My Real Story: One Year to Record, Reflect and Remember. You can learn more about it below.

My Real Story

One Year to Record, Reflect and Remember

We don't always recognize the story God is writing in our lives, but God has used every breath in every season of our lives to prove His goodness and His love... not just for us, but for the world around you. With mini-devotions, personalized prayers, reflection pages, and spaces to record those moments you don't want to forget, this journal helps you see that you have lived a story, you are living a story, and you have a story to tell.

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For Mommas

Marriage

Mental Health

Hearing God

I have a feeling we are going to be great friends.

I host the Revived Motherhood Podcast, which became one of the top Christian podcasts in America just weeks after it debuted. Season two releases soon!

In my day to day life, you'll find me living in NW Oklahoma, spending my time as a wife to my husband, Jared, and a momma to our three kids.

I'm so glad that you have found your way to this website. For more information or for booking inquiries, please use the contact page.

So much love!

Looking for something specific?

Why Many Millennial Parents Struggle With Anxiety

Becky Thompson — Tue, 01 Aug 2017 04:39:15 +0000

Dear friend,
Let me start with this. It’s not just up to you to keep them safe.

This week I read yet another article online highlighting one more way I need to protect my children from this world.

As I made my way through one father’s terrifying narrative and his hopeless account of how he felt as though he had done everything right and yet still couldn’t protect his daughter, I found myself wondering how I was going to keep my kids safe from such a real modern day threat.

What boundaries do I need to put in place? What strategies do I need to come up with before my children reach that age? What else do I need to worry about?

My list is getting longer.

Truthfully, my list of things to worry about began well before my oldest son was born. And the voice of today’s modern parenting chorus isn’t about to let me forget every possible worst-case scenario. We are continually being reminded of how much we have to fear.

Yet, I can’t help but wonder if the world really is more dangerous today than it was ten years ago. Don’t get me wrong. I fully understand that the modern threat that comes with the internet is something that previous generations didn’t face. I get it.

But previous generations had other threats… threats that modern advances in science and medicine have made nearly obsolete today. We’ve just exchanged their threats for ours.

Honestly, I just think that we are paying closer attention. I think the dangers are just louder.

And the real threat might be what this fear is doing to hearts of today’s parents.

With so many sources telling us all of the things that could harm our children – the wrong foods, the wrong soaps, the wrong amount of screen time, the wrong carseats, the wrong vaccines, the wrong schools, the wrong friends, the wrong interactions, the wrong corrections, the wrong affirmations… We are inundated with this overwhelming feeling that our kids cannot afford for us to get any of it wrong.

Every choice has a best option and around every corner is a danger we hadn’t even considered.

(At least that’s the way it feels.)

And in our quest for our children’s physical and emotional well-being, something truly tragic has happened.

We have sacrificed our emotional and mental well-being on the altar of protecting our kids. We worry and obsess and stress and constantly wonder if we’re going to be able to keep them safe, and it has caused many in our generation to face true anxiety and depression.

We have sacrificed our own mental and emotional health for theirs. And in our obsession to make sure we’re keeping our kids healthy and safe, we’ve forgotten this important truth – It was never just up to us to protect them.

That’s the heart of the lie we believe, actually.

“Your child’s safety and health and general well-being is resting wholly on your shoulders.”

I think that lie is one of the root causes of our anxiety. It’s enough to make anyone stress out! But it’s not true. It never was.

Because when God made you a parent, He placed within you not just the ability to care for your children, but also the ability to call on Him to help you care for them – to borrow His strength, His wisdom, His peace – to call on His Holy Spirit to guide you.

And where we’ve become increasingly anxious and fearful and stressed, we have lost sight of the ultimate Truth that God has not forfeit His ability to care for us or our kids.

He has not stopped guiding and directing and shepherding parents just because the threats have changed. He is fully aware of all of them.

So while we are the ones that have been given charge over our children, we have not been left alone to watch over them.

And when we choose to live from a place of assurance in the power of God rather than fear of the dangers of the world – we can rest in the peace that comes from co-parenting with the One who created the universe.

We can turn to the Word of God to recenter our hearts on His Truth – and instead of paying attention to every fear, we can train our hearts to pay attention to His promises found in Scripture.

Am I saying to stop paying attention to your instincts? To stop looking out for your kids’ best interest? To just let what might happen… happen? Absolutely not.

I am saying that we have to be equally as vigilant about protecting our hearts from fear as we are about protecting our children from danger.

Because while the threats are real… so is our God.

Here is some Truth to take in before you go.

In John 14:27, the Lord promises to give us peace. He says, “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
In Duetronomy 31:6, the people of God are encouraged to, “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”
In Psalm 91:11, we are reminded, “For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways.”
And in 2 Timothy 1:7, we remember, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

You can read more about my journey to overcome anxiety here.

(Author’s Note: While I know that this post is titled, “Why Many Millennial Parents Struggle With Anxiety,” I understand that anxiety is caused by a number of things, and this article is not all-inclusive. Anxiety as a medical condition is not always a result of circumstances but chemical imbalances. This post is not meant to say that those who face anxiety should only pray or quote Scripture. My prayer is that each person struggling with anxiety would find healing and peace in whatever way the Lord provides.)

My Husband Saved My Son’s Life Tonight – But it Could Have Ended Differently

Becky Thompson — Sun, 30 Apr 2017 02:55:49 +0000

That’s not a click-bait title. I honestly couldn’t think of anything better to call this article. This just happened… as in… less than two hours ago, and now that the kids are tucked soundly in their beds, I’m sitting down to process.

Forgive me, because this isn’t a “days later” reflection. This isn’t an “I’m going to come up with the very best article for a week and then write about it” post. This is real-time.

My goal here? Mostly I just want to tell someone what happened because it helps. Right? Ever noticed that? The minute you tell someone what happened… the minute you say out loud what scared you, it seems less terrifying…

Usually. Most of the Time. Hopefully this time.

But my other hope for writing this is to… educate? That’s not the word… highlight? That might be closer… I guess I just want to tell you how something I do everyday could have cost my son his life tonight. You might even do this at your house too. And so I want to share this so that maybe we can all reconsider what we thought was safe.

So, here’s what happened.

Most nights, I prepare dinner for my husband and our three kids (ages 7, 5 & 2), and we sit as a family at our dining room table. I’m not saying that so you think a certain way about me. It’s just true. We often eat dinner around our kitchen island or kitchen table.

But like many families, there are nights where we make plates of food and sit down to watch a movie together in the living room (that is attached to the kitchen). On these nights, its not uncommon for me to fix food for the kids, and then stand in the kitchen talking with my husband while the kids start the show.

That’s exactly what happened tonight. Our youngest had already gone to bed for the night, and my two older kids were sitting on the couch eating their dinner, when I looked up and saw my son (7) standing on the couch waiving his arms (like he was trying to fly).

I don’t know how I knew, because there were no other signs, but I started shouting, “He’s choking!! Jared! He’s choking.”

My husband, Jared, is a firefighter and took the lead. We both raced to the couch. My husband pulled my son down, asking, “Can you breathe? Are you choking? Can you cough?” All while positioning himself behind my son to start the Heimlich maneuver.

Jared didn’t waste anytime waiting for my son to answer. He bent my son over and gave him a few firm wacks on the back, and when it didn’t move the food, he did two good Heimlich pumps, and out flew the half-chewed grape.

We all just stood there, and then collapsed on the floor. Sitting together. Holding each other. Trying to process what happened.

I mean, people choke on food all of the time… I know our story isn’t unique. Traumatic – yes. Unique – no.

But here’s where our night could have ended differently.

We were about to walk out of the room. My husband had been working all evening upstairs in his office, and I was about to go up and sit with him while he worked. It wasn’t far. It wasn’t out of earshot. If the kids needed us, they could come get us. We could get to them in a moment.

But I knew my son was choking because I saw him standing there. If we had been out of the room…

Choking is often completely silent. Right? Don’t they say that? Well, as it turns out, it’s true.

So I’m sitting here thinking of all of the things that could have happened. We do that anyway. Don’t we, parents? We replay over and over our close calls or our decisions or our less than great parenting moments. We wonder what we could or should have done differently.

But tonight, I’m thinking about how often I will hand my older two children a snack, and then go do something else (like take care of the laundry, or make the beds, or make a quick phone call). I’m not gone long, and I definitely don’t do this with the two year old, but the bigger kids?

You guys, what would have happened if I had walked out of the room and gone upstairs tonight? I just can’t quit thinking about it.

So here’s the thing. I know everyone is online these days saying what a dangerous world it is. Every five minutes there is another story on our newsfeeds about a mom and her kids nearly escaping some sex-trafficking abduction. We hear about dangers at school or the playground or how you’re supposed to parent or not supposed to parent. I get it. There’s so much to worry about, and I’m not trying to add one more thing to our world already living in fear.

But I will say this.

My husband saved my son’s life tonight, and I’m not sure the story would have ended the same way if we hadn’t been in the room when he was choking.

Bottom line. My husband is a rockstar. So is Jesus. We’re praising Him for all of the ways He loves us. And I’m going to need some virtual fellow mom hugs now.

As always,
So much love – Becky

(PS I’ve been cutting my kids’ grapes in half for seven years…. and it looks like I’m going to cut them for at least another seven more. Totally adding this grape cutter (affiliate) to my Amazon cart.

TV Has Been Waiting Decades for Jack Pearson

Becky Thompson — Wed, 22 Feb 2017 01:26:23 +0000

It’s no secret that This Is Us is one of TV’s best new shows. Between the unique way of presenting one family’s unfolding story and the deeply relevant and relatable characters, This Is Us has many of us laughing one minute and crying the next.

It is an easy show to love.

But there is something important taking place on Tuesday nights at 8:00 CST that must be addressed even if you haven’t seen one episode yet.

TV has been waiting decades for Jack Pearson. Here’s why.

For years, we’ve watched popular sitcoms and TV dramas depict husbands and fathers disengaged from their families, failing to understand the stresses of their wives, and detached from their children. The shows that have portrayed healthy husband/father figures still had their share of moments when dad was the joke. Silly dads. What else can you expect from them?

Enter Jack Pearson and the character completely changing how husbands and fathers are being presented on network TV.

Jack’s character is shown week after week selflessly laying down his life for his family. He speaks highly of his wife, often putting her first. He actually tells his best friend that he would rather be at home with her in one episode. He is involved with parenting his children. He says things to his wife like, “We’ll figure this out together.” “I’ll take this one.” “It’s going to be okay.” Week after week, Jack and Rebecca are a team.

Beyond being a great husband, Jack is a great dad. He makes time and space for his children. He worries if he and his wife are making the best choices for them. He says things like, “I’m so proud that you’re my son.” “I’m sorry.” “I’ll try harder.” “I love you as much as a human heart can, kiddo.”

The truth is, I have no idea what is next for this character. I don’t know what the writers have in mind or if in the episodes ahead Jack will break all of our hearts.

But I know this, for now we have someone on TV that we can respect… someone who well represents the hugely important role of being a husband and dad. And for the men who already love their families like Jack does, they have finally been well-represented in an industry that has made dads the joke for too long.

So why is it important that we talk about this? Why is it important that one of the most loved shows this season features a character who loves his family well?

Because the power of a father to lead his family and love his wife is one of the most important things on earth, and I’m so glad that at least for now… TV is getting it right.

(PS Have you noticed how Jack’s legacy as a man is being lived out through his sons? This show isn’t just hitting on the role of husband and father. It is showing the generational impact of every choice we make. Wow. Powerful! Read why I think every Christian should see what Kevin did last week.)

Every Christian Needs to See What Kevin Did on “This is Us”

Becky Thompson — Sat, 18 Feb 2017 08:35:00 +0000

If you’re anything like me, you send the kids to bed a few minutes early on Tuesday nights so that you don’t miss one second of the popular new show, “This Is Us” on NBC. (And if they’re not quite in bed when the clock hits 8:00 CST, you’re praising Jesus for your DVR or Hulu subscription.) Right?

I’ll be honest. The show had me hooked from episode one. If you’ve somehow managed to make it this long without watching yet, just wait… you’ll fall quickly in love with each character just like we all have.

Before I say anything else, I need to make a few fast disclaimers.

Spoilers ahead. Sorry not sorry.
The show portrays real life situations – many of which are controversial. This isn’t where we’re going to stop and talk about what we should and shouldn’t be watching on TV. Okay? (Do I have big feelings on that? Yes. See my article on 50 Shades here. Are we talking about that right now? No.)

So, moving on, what was so powerful about last Tuesday night’s episode? As usual, the show hit on some major topics. In particular, the internet has been buzzing about the realistic portrayal of crippling panic/anxiety attacks. I was moved to tears by that scene. But there were a few things leading up to that moment that made it even more powerful when we stop and consider them.

Kevin.

You guys, just when we think we’ve got Kevin figured out…

This guy has always wanted to make sure he stood out despite being grouped in the middle of the big three. He pursued acting. He was cast as a not-so-bright character on the wildly popular sitcom “The Manny,” until one day when he realized he wanted to be taken seriously.

He didn’t just want to be seen. He wanted to be understood… but that would require him to figure out who he was first.

Kevin reminds me of King Solomon in Scripture. Not because of his wisdom, but because King Solomon had everything he could have ever wanted, yet nothing truly satisfied his heart. When King Solomon recognized this, he said in Ecclesiastes 1:14, “I observed everything going on under the sun, and really, it is all meaningless–like chasing the wind.” (NLT)

Kevin seems to be realizing this same truth. He has been on a search for purpose and identity the entire season, but something transformative happened on Tuesday night’s episode. It wasn’t until Kevin remembered who his father was that he really began to understand who he was.

This is why this episode is so powerful for Christians. Okay, it’s powerful for EVERYONE, but Christian friends… hear me on this.

We’ve watched Kevin realize that his identity couldn’t just be wrapped up in being “The Manny.” We’ve watched him try to find his purpose as an artist on Broadway. We’ve wondered who Kevin Pearson would grow up to be.

But the conversation with Miguel changed everything. Didn’t it?

When Miguel leaned over to Kevin and said, “When the curtain goes up, you remember you’re Jack Pearson’s son,” Kevin found a new identity. He wasn’t just Kevin. He wasn’t just all of the roles he had played and decisions he had made. He was Jack Pearson’s son, and that meant something.

It’s why when the lights came up on the stage, Kevin wasn’t standing there. He was running to his brother. Being Jack Pearson’s son meant that Kevin could leave everything that he was looking to for his identity and find His true identity as He stepped into the role of a son and brother. Watch the powerful scene here.

Nothing is more important right now. Share this moment of brotherly love, presented by @Chevrolet. #ThisIsUs pic.twitter.com/vrFkYe6LWh

— This Is Us (@NBCThisisUs) February 15, 2017

I don’t know what plans they have for him in the upcoming episodes, but I know this. We are all Kevin Pearson.

We are all on some sort of journey to figure out who we really are, what we really want, what we want to be known for… And so much of it is a chasing after the wind.

But, you guys, our greatest and purest identity will always be found in who our Father is… as sons… as daughters… as children of God. Because when we remember what we saw our Father do, we can understand how to live it out as well.

Jesus prayed to His Father in John 17, “The goal is for all of them to become one heart and mind— Just as you, Father, are in me and I in you, So they might be one heart and mind with us. Then the world might believe that you, in fact, sent me. The same glory you gave me, I gave them, So they’ll be as unified and together as we are…” (Message Translation)

You guys, we’ve all been divided for so long. We’ve been self-focused, self-concerned, self-absorbed… not in an ugly way… just in the way that means we’re busy… we’re thinking about our own homes and our own lives and our own plans.

There’s us and there’s them. And both sides think they are the us.

But there is something powerful that happens when we remember who our Heavenly Father is. There is something powerful that happens when we remember that He commanded us to love one another. There is something extraordinary that takes place when we finally realize we will only be certain of who we are when we see ourselves first as children of God.

Because This is Us… is all of us.

You Will Teach Your Children the Word Abortion

Becky Thompson — Tue, 24 Jan 2017 19:29:08 +0000

You Will Teach Your Children the Word Abortion

We will all teach our children the word abortion someday. But what will we say about it?

The conversation happened in the car. I can’t remember exactly why the abortion doctor’s name was mentioned… I think it had something to do with an article my husband and I had read in the news… but our curious children in the backseat wanted to know more.

“What are you guys talking about?”

“Did you say someone was bad?”

“Why are they bad? What did they do?”

I had thought they weren’t listening. I was wrong. They don’t miss a thing. Our kids never miss a thing. They’re always listening. (Something we should always remember.)

I did my best to change my tone from the serious whispers I had been exchanging with their father.

“Oh. Daddy and I were just talking about a man who did some not so good things,” I offered, hoping it would be enough to satisfy their often relentless questioning. It wasn’t. I should have known. Like most children, they always want more information.

“What not so good things did he do, Momma?” My daughter asked.

I wasn’t prepared to answer her. How do you begin to explain abortion to children? How do you “sugar coat” it? Is there a version appropriate for kids? Is there a way to gently explain to children what is happening in those clinics?

I looked up in the rearview mirror.

Innocent. Completely innocent. Abortion is a word they’ve never heard. In their world, abortion doesn’t exist. The word has no meaning. No value. No fear or disgust or lament attached to it. It’s just a string of letters… A-b-o-r-t-i-o-n.

I studied their faces until the light turned green. They waited. Silently. It was as if they could tell whatever I was about to tell them was important.

“Momma? What did the man do?”

I took a deep breath.

“Well, he takes babies out of mommies tummies…. But not like the doctor I went to see when I had you guys. He takes them out when they’re not ready to be born yet. He takes them out early.”

I waited. I could see my daughter thinking about what that would mean. Just a few years earlier I had been pregnant with their younger brother. They lived through the terror of frantic trips to the hospital as I tried to keep their baby brother safe inside my tummy longer. They knew how hard and important it had been to keep baby brother from coming out of my tummy early.

“Why does he do that? Why does he take babies out early?”

I paused, searching for some other truth. Some other reality I could share that wasn’t so terrible… something other than what really was…

“Because the mommies ask the doctors to. They don’t want the baby, or they are afraid the baby won’t be healthy when it’s born, or because they think it’s their only option, or they just don’t want to be a mommy. The man takes the babies out of the mommies’ tummies because the mommies tell the doctors to take the babies out.”

Another pause.

“So… what do they do with the babies?”

I looked in the mirror again. My daughter… my precious girl… the same age I was when my momma told me… How? How and why was this conversation still real? Why is this something we must teach our children at some point?

“They get rid of them, honey. They get rid of the babies. They can’t live when they’re outside the mommy’s tummy. So… the babies die.”

Silence. It hung in the air for a few minutes. I could feel the reality settling in around us.

…Mommies go see a man who takes babies out of their tummies and the babies die…

It was horrible. And worse… it was true.

I spared the rest of the details. There was no mention of the instruments used or how the doctors have to count each piece of the baby’s body to make sure an arm doesn’t get left behind accidentally. It’s all too much. The reality of abortion is horrific.

We were almost home when my son broke the silence.

“Momma? Is there a way to stop them? Is there a way to stop that man? *pause* Is there a way to stop the mommas from having their babies taken out early?”

And I wish that I could say that I answered profoundly. I wish that I could say I came back with some eloquent response about the way the world works. But I didn’t. I just said,

“We can try, sweetheart. All we can do is try to save the babies.”

There were children who participated in the Women’s March on Saturday (in 2017 when this article was written), and while the march was not exclusively a discussion of reproductive rights, it was certainly a central theme. There were children adding their voices to the ones demanding the right for abortion to continue. Children holding signs. Children marching. And I think about the conversations that were had with these children explaining to them what was happening… explaining why they were there.

I wonder if they talked about the babies. I wonder if when they spoke to these children of their future right to decide, to have a safe procedure, to govern what happens to their own bodies… I wonder if they told them the truth about abortion. I wonder if they told these children that abortion always ends in death. I wonder if they told them about the babies, too.

– Because we cannot say women should get to decide without addressing the removal of human life from her womb.

– We cannot discuss that a woman should have the right to a safe procedure without discussing the procedure is the removal of a human life from her body.

– We cannot talk about a woman having the right to govern her own body without mentioning the other human life that dies as a result.

The discussion of women’s reproductive rights cannot be held without mentioning the other human rights involved. Because the baby’s basic right to live outweighs the woman’s right to not be pregnant anymore.

And when we begin to teach our children that there are things we should honor above another person’s right to live… we are all in danger.

This Friday will be the next annual March for Life in Washington, and today is Tuesday. We are right in the middle of the two marches. We are standing squarely between the two, and our children are listening.

They don’t miss a thing. Our kids never miss a thing. They’re always listening.

My question is… what are we telling them? What will you tell your children about abortion? And can you teach your children the word abortion without also telling them about the babies?

To read more of my thoughts on abortion:

How Abortion Has Changed the Discussion of Miscarriage

The Answer to End Abortion in America

To the Pregnant Woman Without Options

To the Woman Who Regrets Her Abortion – What the Church Should Say

Hey, Momma? There isn't something broken with your faith because you can't shake the fear. As a Christian woman battling chronic anxiety, I know what you're facing, but I also know that there is hope and healing for your anxious heart.

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The world is loud. Life can seem overwhelming. Good thing we have a God who never leaves us. Everything you’ll read here will point to Him and will remind you… He’s right there in the room.

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Christian Women & Anxiety

Becky Thompson — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 16:49:33 +0000

Before I begin, I’d like to take a second to introduce myself. If you’re visiting my page for the first time, I think it’s important that you know who you’re talking to. My name is Becky Thompson, and I started this website in 2013. I have been married for ten years to my husband, Jared. We have three children, and we live in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma. I have written a couple of books with WaterBrook, a division of Penguin Random House.

My story is probably a lot like yours. I’m a regular lady, and my life is pretty average. But a few years ago, I realized that if you can rescue a momma’s heart from discouragement, or loneliness, or guilt, you can help heal her entire family… and every generation that follows. Because of this, I take the responsibility to speak Truth seriously. I think that a Christian woman’s life isn’t just comprised of her faith. I do my best to take a 360 view of the Christian woman’s heart and home, interjecting the Love of God into even the most ordinary places.

Today, that brings me to the topic of Christian women and anxiety. I’ve wanted to address this for some time, and now feels like the right time. The truth is, I cannot talk about anxiety without speaking about my personal experience with it. I am a Christian woman, and I have been dealing with anxiety most of my life.

Now, I need to say something from the beginning. I believe in a God who still performs miracles. I believe in a Savior that died so I could live an abundant life. I believe the Word of God is clear about transforming our minds and not being anxious about anything (Philippians 4:6-7). But what happens when a Christian woman who knows the Word of God and trusts Jesus as her Savior and friend still faces anxiety? What does it mean about her and her faith? These are the questions I want to answer today.

I think the stigma surrounding anxiety causes us to believe that anxiety can be controlled. If we read our Bibles more, if we prayed more, if we thought about Jesus more, we wouldn’t feel anxious. The truth is, anxiety is often caused by an underlying medical condition. Personally, I have a genetic disorder that alters how my body is able to process certain key nutrients required to maintain proper serotonin levels. Serotonin imbalance is one of the leading causes of anxiety. When I discovered this a few years ago, I found out that I could take a vitamin (yes, a vitamin) to manage my anxiety. But leading up to this, it was a constant battle.

For most of my life, I felt afraid. I was scared of being forgotten at school even though I had never been forgotten before. I was scared of my house catching on fire and something happening to my parents as they came to look for me. I was scared of talking to new people. I was scared of being misunderstood. I was terrified of conflict. I carefully surveyed situations and found the danger in them.

As I got older, my mind was able to differentiate between rational fears and irrational fears. I wasn’t as anxious about things that I could understand and process. But the thing about anxiety that I think most people don’t understand is that there is an undercurrent emotion that something is wrong, even if nothing is wrong. We can know that everything is fine, and still feel like there is some form of imminent doom. As Christian women, we renew our minds with the Word of God, and we anchor our hearts into His Truth so we can experience peace. At least, this is what we are taught, and so that’s what we make a continual effort to do.

But the reality is, sometimes we pray, we read, we sit reminding ourselves of God’s love for us and His completed work on the Cross, and we are still anxious. We have all of the facts that everything is okay, and our hearts still race. So we wonder about our faith and our trust and our ability.

The fall of man in the beginning of time meant that we would all be broken on some level. It is the reason that we all need Jesus. But if we are going to talk about Christian women and anxiety, then we must address that sometimes we are praying for deliverance from fear, and what we need is healing in our bodies. We are praying for restored hearts and what we need is restored serotonin levels. Does God know what we are praying even if we are praying for the wrong thing? Yes. Absolutely. Can He heal us if we’re praying the wrong words? Yes! Follow me, here. What I’m saying is that often we are looking at the symptoms without addressing the cause. And sometimes healing our bodies from what’s causing the anxiety would take an actual miracle and not just more time in the Word.

We need to talk about this. There needs to be more discussion of this in the Body of Christ. We wouldn’t fault a diabetic or a person struggling with another form of physical brokenness for their brokenness. We wouldn’t accuse them of having weak faith. We wouldn’t tell them that if they were better Christians, then they would be healed. Christians struggling with anxiety should fall in that same category. Those of us struggling with anxiety understand that we are in constant need of a miracle.

The powerful truth is that every moment that we overcome anxiety, we are living our miracles. Every moment that we have peace and balanced hearts, we are reminded of the continual presence and love of Jesus for us. We can be strong in the Lord and in our faith, even if our bodies (including our hearts and minds) are struggling. Friend, God still heals. I believe that it is His will to heal always (even if we aren’t always healed). I’m sure I’ll get plenty of emails for that one. But somehow, anxiety has been shifted into a category of, “You need to take care of that on your own.”

My prayer is that this article shifts our understanding of those who face anxiety back into the category with the rest of the world’s brokenness. It’s never been up to us to heal ourselves. It’s never been up to us to remedy our own imbalances. God does not fault the anxious woman for her anxiety. He came so she could be free. And whether that freedom comes by the vehicle of a vitamin or an encounter with His presence that radically and miraculously reorganizes her DNA, my job is to stand with her believing that there is hope and peace coming. My job is to point to Jesus and say, “It’s always been up to Him.” Our job, is to trust and follow Him.

So, Lord, I pray now for every woman reading these words. I pray now that she would stand in the Truth that You have overcome even the cause of anxiety in her heart. I pray that Your presence would flood the room where she reads these words. God, I agree with her as we ask for a miracle. Give her wisdom. Give her a strategy for moving forward from this place. And overwhelm her with the Hope that she isn’t alone, she isn’t weak, and she isn’t forgotten. We ask for healing now in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Christian Women & (A Darker) Christian Grey

Becky Thompson — Sat, 10 Dec 2016 16:37:00 +0000

Have you seen it come across your newsfeed yet? I have. The next movie in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, Fifty Shades Darker, releases in just a few months, and the trailer is already being shared across social media sites.

I’m not waiting until February when the movie releases to talk about this, because women are deciding now if and when they will go see it. We are going to talk about this right now before we get invited by our friends or a bunch of our church gal pals who think a girls’ night out would be fun and harmless.

So, here we go…again.

Last year, when the first movie released, I issued a warning. Basically, I said, “Look out!” Because that’s what you do when you see your friends headed toward danger, and that’s what I’m saying again this year. That’s the heart behind this message. Watch out! Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour… (1 Peter 5:8)

…and I was absolutely shocked by the response. Millions (literally millions) of women responded, some agreeing strongly, and some using strong words to tell me just how much they disagreed. But the post revealed something important. There is a need for this discussion within the Body of Christ.

With the next movie in the series releasing early next year… a movie that promises to be darker… a movie that uses the hook that it is darker to gather an audience… there are some points that need to be addressed.

I’d like to take a few minutes and answer some of the common replies that I received last year. The first is this…

What’s the big deal? Why all of the hype? It’s just a movie. Right?

Over the last four years of blogging, I have received tens of thousands of messages. But one constant request that I receive from women is this. “How do I reignite the romance and restore my relationship with my husband? How do we move from a couple raising a family side by side to intimate partners again? How do we fall back in love?”

And in desperation for an answer… I can almost understand how the lure of watching a movie or reading a book that “promotes passion” could seem like a something that could help. It will just stir up feelings for our own husbands, some might justify. It will just get us excited, and we’ll be more romantic with our husbands at home. Heck, maybe I’ll even go watch it with my husband.

But it’s a trap. It’s false. It’s a pretend fix. It creates the opportunity for unrealistic expectations and abusive behavior. It will probably fuel your flesh, but it will not restore your soul.

You want to spice up your marriage? You want to save your relationship from being stagnant, or save the passion from slipping away in the day in and day out routines? Don’t ask Christian Grey for help. Don’t watch Christian Grey do whatever he would like to Anastasia Steele and expect their twisted broken characters to somehow heal that deep hurt or need for intimacy in your own heart.

Only Jesus can do that. Only Jesus can speak to the places in your heart that need to feel alive and loved. And only His example of unconditional love can be followed to create a healthy marriage.

But, Becky, I’m not trying to fix anything… It’s just entertainment. It’s just a good love story.

Look. It is a complete lie that going to see the movie will help your marriage. And it’s an even bigger lie is that it won’t affect you at all. Because it will. The things that you see cannot be unseen. The feelings that you experience from being entertained by certain scenes cannot be unfelt. And if marriages aren’t under enough pressure already, going to watch carefully edited pornography… because don’t tell me it’s anything less than cinematically censored porn… is only throwing gasoline on marriages already experiencing fire from all directions.

It’s destruction.

And do not tell me that this twisted tale is a love story, because my Bible is pretty stinkin’ clear about the characteristics of Love. As a matter of fact, I have read cover to cover the truest love story ever written. Hello. And if Scripture is the guide by which we measure love, then these movies? They’re lust. We are so confused when it comes to the difference between love and lust that we get the two mixed up sometimes. But we know the Truth. Love is a person and He is committed to honor and respect. He is patient and kind, slow to anger and quick to forgive. When we act like Him, we’ll have better love lives. I promise.

I can hear the next comments now. I think you’re just creating a place for the body of Christ to separate over another dumb issue. We need to come together not tear each other apart.

Listen. The Body of Christ has plenty of things to tear itself apart about right now… This should be an easy thing for us all to agree on! This shouldn’t divide us. We should all be over here saying, “Yes! We won’t be confused by unrealistic stories of twisted love! We will fight for authentic intimacy!” To be completely honest, I cannot believe that as Christian women who have read the Scriptures that reminds us to think on things lovely and pure and worthy of our attention, that we are actually having this discussion at all.

So what would God say about all of this, and do you think He cares?

Absolutely. I absolutely think He cares about anything that could cause harm to us. I think He cares about everything the enemy would use to lure us into a false representation of His Love.

And I think if Jesus were to speak about this, He would address the bigger heart issue. He wouldn’t just say, “Don’t go see the movie.” I think Jesus would point out the lack of respect and honor between husbands and wives in our culture saturated with pride and selfishness.

Jesus would speak to the greater hurt so many wives experience as they feel unseen and unloved in their own marriages. And He would address the men who feel as though they aren’t respected in their own homes.

He would say to us…

Wives honor your husbands. Husbands, love your wives.

And He would reminded us that our marriages were created to reflect Christ’s love for the Church (us)… not Christian Grey’s “love” for Anastasia Steele.

We need to honor our husbands by keeping our sexual desires and (arousal) for them only. Because the place where families are torn apart is not at the dinner table or in the living room over the unfolding events of a stressful day or the unpaid bills on the kitchen island. The place where marriages fall apart is the bedroom. The words that we say to each other outside of the walls of our bedrooms are simply a reflection of the level of intimacy and respect that take place when we are alone and vulnerable with our spouse.

And personally, if my marriage is sacred and holy and the foundation on which my family and children stand? Then you had better believe I’m not going to be deceived into thinking that the enemy doesn’t care about what I do or what I watch. You had better believe that I’m going to stay alert and watchful for things that would slip by as “just a movie” or “entertainment” which could hurt my marriage. And you had better believe that I’m going to seek real intimacy with my husband… not just physically, but emotionally, and spiritually so that we are a united front, connected in the war waged against our home.

Look, sex is good. Sex is important. Sex is an actual gift given to us by God, and God made good things. Amen? It’s not taboo. It doesn’t have to be boring. But sex has been stolen and twisted and turned into something that is the opposite of safe and beautiful. These movies have taken the vulnerable and beautiful and passionate thing that is married sex and entertained the world with a man who uses sex to control, manipulate, and introduce pain because of his broken past.

So this year, I’m offering a challenge. The same challenge I offered last year actually. Instead of watching Christian Grey have sex with Anastasia Steele? Have sex with your own husband. Spend the evening in your own bedroom remembering what being in love felt like when you first got married.

Because your husband and your marriage are worth honoring. And you know what I think? I think deep down you agree with me…. And that’s why you either love this article… or you hate it.

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