Maybe I should have said this a long time ago. Maybe this is the heart behind many of my other writings. Maybe I should have just found a few minutes to put into words what my heart has wanted to say for a while now.
So, to my sweet husband, a few things I
want NEED you to know now that I’m Mommy.
I need you to know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of the times that it was easier to just pay attention to the kids. I’m sorry for all of the days and weeks that I didn’t invest into us. I’m sorry that I set our relationship to the side while I figured out how to care for sweet babies and then tiny toddlers… and now growing preschoolers.
I don’t know when I thought I would have enough time. I don’t know when I thought that everything would settle down, and I could invest into us again. But I can see now that it won’t.
There will always be children who need me – who need us. I am sorry for not understanding this sooner. I am sincerely sorry for all of times that I took for granted your love and your presence.
I want you to know that now that I’ve realized this, I will remember these words daily.
After all this time, I need to know that you remember me. Not this person who feels overwhelmed – like she is doing so much wrong and constantly letting someone down.
I need to know that you remember who I was before I was Mommy – because some days, I don’t.
I need to know that you look past the tired eyes and frazzled hair and see the girl you fell for so many years ago.
There are days when I look in the mirror and cannot see her anymore. I need you to remind me that when you look at me, you haven’t forgotten her. She is still in there somewhere. She just doesn’t always have time for makeup and well… showering… like she used to. Remind me that I’m beautiful – even if I don’t believe you right away.
I need you to know that I wish I was more fun. I used to be fun. I worry that you think I’m not very fun anymore. We used to laugh a lot. Didn’t we? Sure, there is laughter now, but I know that the stress that comes with being Mommy has made me a little less care-free. Some days, I wish that you would just arrange a sitter and take me away. I wish that you would help me remember what being care-free feels like… even for just a few hours.
I need you to call me by my name – or sweetheart or honey or any of the other precious words that show me you care. But please don’t call me Mommy. I need to know that at least to you – I’m still Becky.
And if I haven’t said it in a while, I love you. No, really. Not like I say it when we’re getting off of the phone, or when you’re rushing out the door to work. I really do love you.
I am proud to say that you are my husband. I am proud of the man that you are and the father that you have become. I don’t tell you enough how much I appreciate all that you do for us. Thank you for your hard work, your dedication and your patience. You are so important to me – and I’m going to do my very best to remind you just how much I love being your wife.
Most of all, I need you to know that I will do all that I can to keep these words fresh in my heart… because I realize that before I was Mommy, I was yours, and I never want to forget that again.
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