That’s it. I’m calling it. It is time to step over the imaginary lines that divide us. It is time to tear down the walls and the alliances and the us-vs-them banners that declare our loyalties.
This is my white flag, and I’m calling for an end to all mommy-wars.
When I had a baby, I had no idea that the decisions that I made would immediately categorize me. I had no idea that with every decision I was choosing a side – picking a team – getting fitted for a uniform in the battle of us-vs-them.
With each choice that I had to make, there were women from both sides of the battle field calling to me. They weren’t just telling me why I should join them. They were telling me why the other side was so wrong-bad-disillusioned.
And with each small choice, I was suited up and teamed up with other women. We would defend our rightness. We would protect our choices. We would prove all others wrong.
Sigh.
I remember a conversation that I had with my mom long before I met my husband. I had just broken up with this guy that I really liked. He hadn’t done anything wrong. It just hadn’t worked out. I remember sitting on her couch and trying to come up with all of these awful things about this guy – I needed a reason for him to be the wrong choice for me. I needed him to be the bad guy.
She stopped me and said, “Honey. Just quit. He doesn’t have to be bad for there to be someone better for you. You don’t have to tell me that he is awful. There can be a better choice without him being a bad person.”
Preach.
If only we took this advice into the world of mommy-hood.
I don’t need to convince myself that you are the enemy so that I can feel confident in my decisions. I don’t need to tear down your choices so I can be sure of my own.
I don’t need to smile politely to your face, and then go tell all the other moms on my “team” just how terrible I think you really are.
Each decision that I have made has been the best decision for my family… and I trust that it was the same for you. You didn’t consider my family when you made your choice, just like it would be insane for me to consider your family when I made mine.
We each have made the best choices for our unique situations.
So, here I go.
I’m taking off my helmet and pads. You can have back your banners. Here is the T-shirt and bandana.
I’m done with choosing sides. I’m done with being divided because I chose differently than you.
Here’s to putting away the judgments between breast and bottle feeding
Here’s to tearing down the walls between those who stay at home and work away from home.
Here’s to new friendships between mommas who feed organically and those whose kids are surviving on goldfish and chicken nuggets.
Here’s to a new bond between home school, private school and public school.
Here’s to those who had a baby in a hospital or bathtub or barn.
Here’s to the new alliances between those who co-sleep, sleep-train and just plain don’t get to sleep.
Here’s to YOU! – You momma just like me. You survivor in the trenches making your way through the treacherous world of parenting! There is no one who understands the struggles of being a mommy like we do. And the love for our babies and our passion to make the best choices for them is something we all have in common – even if our decisions aren’t the same.
I’m cheering for you. I’m on your side. I want to stand next to you as we walk out this crazy journey together.
I’m calling for a cease-fire and making my way to the middle of the field! Won’t you join me?
