Daddies Love Just as Much as Mommies

A few years ago, shortly after my daughter was born, I found myself in an intense “momma bear” phase. I was the one who stayed at home with the kids while my husband went to work.

Unfortunately, there was no shortage of reminding him of this.

“You work out there. I work in here. If you have any thoughts as to how I should do my ‘job’ here, please wait while I remind you that… I’m the one here all day, and sorry about biting your head off…here, you can have it back now I guess.”

I had a 22 month old little boy who was convinced that the world would end should I leave his sight, and a 5 month old nursing koala baby girl that wouldn’t allow anyone else to hold her. I had a system and a process, and I might not know the last time I took a shower, but I could absolutely tell you exactly what my children needed, wanted, and how to take care of them the “best” way.

I felt stuck in this terrible place of wanting my husband to be involved, and feeling as though it would just be easier if Monday came and he went back to work already…

It wasn’t good. Those aren’t nice thoughts.

“Those aren’t the right pajamas. They are too tight on his toes.”

“We are in size 3 diapers now… they are in the bottom drawer. I kept the old ones in case I ran out of the bigger ones… no I don’t want to just use those up… because they leak since they are too small. NO, I don’t want to throw them away because they are better than nothing in case I run out completely!”

“She doesn’t like that paci. I don’t know why. She just fusses, but she doesn’t seem to fuss with this one. Here. Give her this one. See. Yup, now she’s upset…”

I wasn’t being mean on purpose. I didn’t want to feel that way, but there were some days that I couldn’t help but think that he was just complicating our system.

The unfortunate truth was… we both knew I felt that way.

So, I would try to let him do it his way. I would try not to step in and just do it because it was easier and it was what the kids were used to. I triiiied.

But it was always easier to just take care of it myself. It was always easier to just ignore all of his suggestions because he wouldn’t be the one implementing them… It was just easier to do it my way…

It was also terribly terribly hurtful.

There have been many nights since then that I have replayed those moments over again in my mind. If only I knew then what I know now.

But the past always wins. We can replay those moments in our minds, but it won’t ever change them. The events will always be the same.

What I can do is offer encouragement to those who are standing where I once stood.

What I can do is look back and say to that version of me:

Deep breath. Take another… okay… now chill out.

He will never be mommy. He will never be you. He will never think or feel or act like you do.

God made him different than you, and He made him different for a reason.

He will interact and engage and play differently. He will push and inspire and encourage differently. He will teach and coach and motivate differently.

Let him.

Let him love his children. He isn’t going to harm them. He would never put them in jeopardy. So what if he puts on the wrong size diaper? So what if he gives her another fruit jar instead of a veggie? What harm will come if bath time comes and goes and he doesn’t use a rag once?

He doesn’t have all the time in the world that you do.

He didn’t get to learn all of the quirks and smirks and funny little things that you have learned in the hours upon hours of time spent with your children.

His time may be limited, but his love is not.

Let him love his children as he knows best. Let him learn them. Let them learn him.

Because He wasn’t ever supposed to be just another mommy – he was designed to be daddy, and you should praise the Lord for what your children will learn from him and who they will become because of him.

Now let him do bath time the “wrong” way and go sit and drink a Dr. Pepper or something.

Tonight, after a long day, my husband will park his pickup in front of our house. There will already be noses pressed to the window waiting as he walks across the yard and through the front door. Four precious feet and four squeezy arms will run and hug him.

They will climb and play and wrestle and enjoy everything about their time with Daddy, and I will watch and thank the Lord for what I have come to know.

Because I might have not learned it as soon as I should have, but what I know to be true is this…

Daddies love just much as mommies – if mommies would only get out of their way.

Comments

  • jennifer says:

    Needed this morning. Since I just done this to my own husband 30 minutes ago.

  • Jennifer says:

    Thanks for your post! THis speaks right to where I’m at. We have our 1st child who is almost 4 months old. I often feel like I need a break when my husband gets home from work especially if its been a challenging day. But then I’m quick to notice he’s not doing things “right” and I get frustrated when I feel like I have to take over. I definitely dont mean to be overbearing or nagging.
    Your post made me realize I need to relax a bit and let him do things his way.
    Thanks for sharing!!
    Jennifer

  • Hi, this is such a great post. I stumbled across your blog on Facebook a few months back and I love it and read every one Really inspiring and honest posts! I started my own blog about 6 weeks back now after a prophetic word so I’m really excited so see where that goes. I love your honesty and ability to share God through everyday things! Well done! xxxx

  • Brittany says:

    Guilty. So so so guilty of this. My kiddos are still little, and I can already look back at some of the ridiculous things I’ve insisted needed to be done “the right way.” I completely identify with the “It’s just easier to do it myself” and the “I’m with them ALL day. I know what they need. I don’t need your suggestions.”

    But how can dads learn if we never give them the chance, right?

  • Lisa says:

    Hi, I don’t have children yet- we are getting married in December- but I am so looking forward to the chance to be a mommy. I already feel this way- I work from home already and there are times when my love doesn’t do something ‘right’ and by right I mean my way. Thank you for your openness and honesty when it comes to sharing your stories and your faith. So many times we are left to wonder if we are the only ones who do this/feel this way/act this way. Your posts are a reminder that we are not alone and that it is ok to admit our faults and learn through God’s example!

  • Jaclyn says:

    This is so true!! You hit the nail on the nose!!
    I am guilty of doing the same thing….
    Thank you for letting me know I’m not the only one who does this!!
    xoxoox

  • Kristen says:

    Thank you for such a great blog and post! I read many of your posts and this one really hit home. We have a 9 month old (tomorrow :)) and I am exactly in this spot, I get frustrated but I know I need to lighten up. Thank you thank you thank you!! I really needed to read this!

  • Sara says:

    I needed this post. Thank you.

  • Christina H says:

    This is perfect and just what I needed. Deep breaths. Thank you.

  • Rachael says:

    Such true words. I needed this reminder, so thank you.

  • Really needed this today. In fact, is probably an answer from God for all the thoughts and feelings swirling inside of me. I just need to give my husband grace. Children come naturally to me, not to him, but God knew that when He made us parents. He’s got everything in hand!

  • Kayla says:

    Thank you for this! I was in dire need of it right now. My husband works away six days a week and has since our baby was 3 weeks old. This is our first so it has been difficult for me with very little help from family. We have gotten into a routine of things “mommys” way and it is hard to break for one day w week.

  • Jessica H says:

    Such a good post. I often think about this. I’m not a mommy, but when I become one (and a stay-at-home mommy) I need to remember this. Thanks.

  • I love this. Thank you for the reminder that Daddies are supposed to be daddies and mommies are supposed to be mommies. You have lifted my spirit today.

  • This was an amazing post! Thanks so much for this reminder!

  • Taylor says:

    Wow, did I need to read this post! This attitude is something I’ve continually struggled with since my oldest son was born. It’s SO HARD to just step out of the way, even though I know I need to. Thank you so much for the reminder, and for the knowledge that I’m not alone in my struggle.

  • garysgirl says:

    Absolutely LOVED this post!! Can totally relate (I’m thinking most moms, if not ALl moms can!). 😉 Thank you for this excellent reminder!

  • Katie says:

    What a beautifully written reminder to re-implement into our lives…each & every day. Thank you for this very timely post. What a blessing.

  • Kristina says:

    This was exactly how I was with my husband after our daughter was born 17 months ago. It took several months before I started letting him do things his way with in my system. Thank you for this.

  • C says:

    I cannot begin to describe to you how this post hit me. My dd is almost 11m old and i hear from my husband that he feels i always have to watch him take care of her or he is always doing it wrong. i don’t mean to do it.. and a lot of times i dont realize it, but your post truly made me realize just how guilty i am of doing it. as a mommy you know what’s best and the right way, but i guess we never stop to realize just how important daddy plays. i think the saying goes, ‘what ruins it most is the vision we have inside of our head how it should be, not what it truly is.’ i always invisioned my husband playing on the floor and being the silly daddy but that’s not him. he loves our daughter so differently than i do and sometimes i have to have posts like yours to remind me of that. so thank you… thank you for your honesty. for your godly love. and for letting other mommies out there know that we aren’t alone and that sometimes… daddy is the best medicine.

  • […] I was reading a blog I follow Scissortail Silk, when I came across an older post Daddies Love Just as Much as Mommies. I’ve spent alot of time speaking to fathers about how important it is for them to love on […]

  • Lisa S. says:

    Oh my gosh, so very true!!! I absolutely love how honest and relevant your articles are. You are so encouraging and I love how you can share your own stories with us in a way that teaches but in no way feels judgmental or shaming. I can really relate to your stories and I appreciate you sharing so honestly with us. Definitely reminds me I’m not alone. God bless you! Thank you!

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