My husband doesn’t like cantaloupe.
I know this probably doesn’t sound like a big deal, but I was pretty surprised.
A few months ago, as we sat down for dinner, I crammed a fork into freshly sliced cantaloupe and offered my husband a wedge.
“Here. I just sliced this. It’s really sweet. Do you want some?”
After nearly nine years together, my husband looked at me and said, “I don’t like cantaloupe.”
I must have looked really confused.
“What do you mean you don’t like cantaloupe?” I asked.
“I mean, I have never liked cantaloupe, and no matter how many times you offer it to me, my answer will always be, ‘No thanks.’”
I had to stop and think. Had he ever accepted my offer? Had he ever said, “Sure! I’ll take some!”
And I couldn’t think of one single time.
Nine years later, and I am still learning new things about my husband.
When we got married at 19 and 22, there was a lot left to learn about each other, but there was also plenty left to learn about ourselves.
We couldn’t discuss major life issues together, because neither of us knew how we felt about them individually. We didn’t discuss when we would start having kids or how many we would have. We didn’t discuss our financial future or where we would raise our family. We didn’t even know what we would “be” when we grew up…
But that’s one of the best things about marrying young… you get to grow up together.
Unfortunately, that’s one of the hardest things about marrying young… you have to grow up… together.
But through this, I have learned a very powerful truth.
The person that you marry won’t stay that person forever.
It doesn’t matter at what age you say your “I do’s.” As people, we are constantly growing – mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Each new experience we face continues to shape us into who we will be tomorrow.
And while changing and growing can be something we easily embrace for ourselves, often, we don’t extend the same grace to our spouse.
We want them to be exactly who we thought they were when we first got married.
Sometimes, we hold so tightly to the expectations that we have of our spouse that we don’t leave room for life or grace to breathe in our relationship.
When we first got married, my husband and I would sign our cards to each other, “With all that I am and ever will be.”
It was a reminder that we would love each other as the people we were then, and as the people we would become. Today, I understand those words more than ever.
Allowing your spouse room to grow is one of the most grace-filled acts that you can offer. It is one of the purest forms of love.
My heart today is to encourage you to find grace for your marriage. Grace for the person your spouse has become. Grace to put aside expectations and see your spouse for who they are in this moment. Grace to love through every season, every trial, and every hardship.
Grace to grow together.
I realize now that our cards shouldn’t have just said, “With all that I am and ever will be.” We should have added, “For all that you are and ever will become.”
Because the best is still yet to come, and grace will be the ship that carries us there.
Holding onto hope for you today, friend.
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