Three Reasons I’m Fighting With My Husband

All3Kids

Parenthood is like the perfect storm holding all of the necessary elements to create intense arguments between a husband and wife. Jared and I discovered this shortly after we brought our first baby home from the hospital.

Like most parents, we had no idea what we were doing. We were terrified that we might do something wrong and ruin our kid forever. We were stressed as we figured out our new roles as mom and dad. And we were completely exhausted emotionally and physically from the lack of sleep and changes in our home.

On top of all that, we were doing our best to figure out everything in real-time. Let’s be honest. It’s not like you get a practice week with your newborn. You don’t get to try out parenthood for a few days, and then pass your baby back to the hospital saying, “That felt like a good run, but let’s shoot again for next week. We’ve got some stuff we need to work out before we bring this model home.”

No. The entrance into parenthood goes something like this, “Here’s your new baby. Good luck.”

With a hope, and a prayer, and a copy of the after-hours number for the pediatrician hanging on our refrigerator, we did our best to navigate our new life. But often, we didn’t agree. Jared wanted to do things one way, and I wanted to do things another. He was gone at work all day, and I was at home taking care of our baby. The stress, the changes, and the exhaustion created plenty of moments where we just fought with each other.

Is that okay for a Christian couple to admit? We didn’t always (and still don’t always) speak kindly to one another. We don’t always let Love win. We let our pride, and our arrogance, and our exhaustion get the best of us more often than we should. But we also apologize, and offer and accept forgiveness, and do our best to extend grace to one another daily. We continue to run back to the cross remembering that is where we both win.

Maybe the same is true at your house. Perhaps you do your very best to love your husband or wife well, but there are still days when you disagree unkindly and have to ask for forgiveness. The truth is, parenthood is often hard on marriages, and sometimes couples fight.

But today, I want to remind us that we’ve been fighting all wrong.

See, our spouse isn’t our enemy. (I’m talking to myself here too.) We know this. Deep down, we know that there is a very real enemy that wants nothing more than to steal, kill, and destroy our families. We know that he wants to turn us against each other. Scripture tells us this is true. But for some reason, we still fight with our spouse rather than fighting… with our spouse. We turn our words as weapons toward one another when we should unite our words and aim them together in prayer.

So today, let’s flip the script. Today, and tomorrow, and for as long as these words carry life within us, let’s to cling to the truth that God has given each of us an intimate ally.

God has given each of us a partner to stand with as we fight hell for our families. And the minute we realize that we’ve been tearing apart our home with our own hands, we are going to look at our children and remember that we’re not fighting because of them. We are going to fight with our spouse for them.

We are going to forgive one another quickly. We are going to extend grace to each other continually. We are going to leave no room for offense as we choose love and forgiveness daily. And we are going to pray and cover our families as we bring them before the Lord and stand firmly in the completed work of Jesus.

God has given each of us something to fight for. The question we have to answer is, do we really remember who we are fighting with?

 

If you enjoyed this post, check out my new book Hope Unfolding: Grace-Filled Truth for the Momma’s Heart!

Hope Unfolding

Comments

  • Kim says:

    I needed to hear those encouraging words this morning! After having a discipline argument with my husband just last night, it was really helpful hearing your point of view this morning. I think I will tackle the discussion again when the time is right, and this time have more of the mindset that we are both fighting for the same thing- a peaceful, loving, God-centered home, and we won’t let the Devil steal that JOY from us! Thank you for another beautiful read Becky! Your gift of words is truly a blessing.

  • […] appreciate this blog post from one of my favorite bloggers being honest about the toll that the stress of parenthood can have […]

  • Benjamin says:

    This is Amazing!,, God bless you!!

  • Pinkspen says:

    This is the perfect post, even for someone like me who is not married but living with the father of my 4 month old…its 10x more difficult because we are not married.thank you for sharing!

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