The Night She Didn’t Call My Name

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She didn’t call for me tonight.

I stood a few steps outside of her bedroom door after I put her to bed and waited.

Nothing.

She didn’t cry standing at the edge of her crib reaching for me to lift her out like she did four years ago. She didn’t get out of a toddler bed and come into the living room to find me like she did three years ago. She didn’t sit up in her big girl bed begging me to stay for just a few more minutes like she did two years ago. And she didn’t come stand by the side of my bed after I had already put her in hers and ask to snuggle like she did one year ago.

Tonight at bedtime, I walked her to her room, knelt beside her bed, prayed over her and with her, and told her just how much I loved her.

When the last hug was given, I walked to the doorway and looked back.

“Goodnight, Kadence,” I whispered.

“Goodnight, Momma,” she answered, and without a plea or protest, she let me walk away.

The little years are both an eternity and somehow just a day.

But somehow it’s not until they are almost over that we realize just how quickly they passed by.

Honestly, friend, I’m not telling you to cherish when you already feel exhausted. I’m not trying to add guilt to your desperation of just wanting a break.

Tonight, I’m just sitting in the realization that at some point… They let us walk away. They do it on their own. They don’t need us as desperately as they did before.

And the freedom that comes with getting to walk away without her calling my name, doesn’t really feel at all like I thought it would.

“Momma!”

And as I stand here in silence thinking of all the nights I sat in her doorway until she fell asleep, I wonder… How could I have ever thought hearing her call my name at bedtime was a burden?

Tonight, she didn’t call my name.

 

HopeUnfolding_3d
Hi! I’m Becky, and I am the founder of an online community called Scissortail SILK where 100,00 of us meet on social media to encounter Jesus and encourage one another. Let’s connect!

Comments

  • T.A. says:

    So lovely! Thank you for sharing!

  • tricia brackett says:

    I’m a Gigi (grandmother) to 4, ages 10 months, 2 1/2, 3 and 6,

  • Sherry Wiggins Rice says:

    I am interested in encouraging others, and being encouraged in the Lord.

  • Carol says:

    So lovingly written. You’ve put into words what millions of mothers have thought at one time or another. My daughter shared this with me and I am grateful she did, and for sharing it with us.

  • Meredith says:

    My 7-month-old is still getting up every two hours most nights. Even though I love every minute of being a mom, it can be tough. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve recalled one of your posts to give me strength. And now I have this new one to draw upon. I’m so glad I discovered your blog. Thank you for sharing your words and encouragement with us. Just want you to know how much it helps!

    • Ana says:

      I was reading this tonight after putting my 23 month old to bed (I’m not willing to say 2 yet ) and it reminded me of something. . . How God must have felt all those days I pushed through without talking to Him. Without asking for His grace , wisdom, and patience as I became a first time mom. Without calling His name. May we never become so self sufficient that we stop communicating daily with the One who gave us our precious children.

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