I married the wrong guy.
It was the lie that played over and over in my mind for years.
It was the base of every fight. It plagued our disagreements. It promised destruction.
But I couldn’t make it go away, and it almost cost us everything.
Long before I met my husband, I was confident of one thing. I was going to be a part of a ministry that led this generation into a deeper pursuit of the Lord. I wanted to see souls catch fire with His love. I wanted to witness miracles.
I was fairly certain that in order to do this, I would need to find someone as passionate about soul transformation as I was. I would need to choose wisely. I would need to marry a pastor.
Naturally, the best place to find a large selection of potential pastors is a private Christian university… which was so convenient because it just so happened that I was accepted into one of the best private Christian universities in the country.
But, after a year of husband hunting and none that seemed as interested in me as I was them, I went back home for the summer. I decided that I needed to refocus and make a more strategic game plan.
I failed to realize that the best way to follow God’s plan for your life is to quit making your own. Trusting God’s plan could have saved me a ton of heartache, but I was confident that I had this all figured out.
I got a job at a local mall working at a kiosk that summer. I had endless hours to sit and think and pray. Let me tell you, I did a ton of praying on that little stool in the middle of Norman, OK.
I also made friends with the employees of the shoe store across the way –one fellow that I thought was particularly attractive. He wasn’t for me though. He wanted to become a cop, and he definitely needed some one-on-one time with Jesus.
But, one day, I bought him a cookie… and 6 months later he bought me a ring.
The short version of those six months is that we became friends, and I invited him to church. Despite growing up in church, he met Jesus for the first time and gave his heart to the Lord that summer. We had a wonderful friendship, but at the end of the summer, I went back to school and knew that it was over between us. He was not part of the plan. Well, he wasn’t part of MY plan.
As friends, I invited him to a campus worship service where God began to speak to him. God was already beginning to speak to my heart as well. Long story short, we both had confirmation that we were going to get married.
It was a change of plans, but I was now certain of two things. I was going to be a part of an awesome ministry, and if this guy was going to marry me, then that meant he was going to be an awesome pastor and a great transformation story.
Transformation was coming, but it was going to take place in me, and it was going to be a long, messy and painful process.
We were married on a hot rainy day in August. We were crazy about each other, and while our love was real, I never want to relive those first few months of marriage ever again. I mean… ever… again.
The more my husband kept to his dreams of becoming a police officer, the more I felt as though he and I had heard wrong. How was I ever supposed to be a pastor’s wife if my husband wasn’t a pastor? No sir. I hadn’t given up a lifelong dream to be in ministry for him not to recognize what it meant to be MY husband!
I pushed and I pushed and I pushed for him to change his dreams and start taking classes with me at the Christian university. The more I pushed, and the more he resisted, the deeper the roots grew of a little lie that I didn’t even know I had planted…
“I married the wrong guy, Lord. How I am I supposed to complete this work that you’ve placed in my heart? How am I supposed to change a generation by myself?”
And instead of listening for the Lord’s response, I began to listen to the lie.
“You can’t,” It sneered. “You’re finished. Your dream is dead. You picked him over the plans God had for you. You’re done, and God’s done with you.”
I believed it.
And the lie grew into fear. I was scared that I had missed it. I was scared that the more my husband followed his dreams, the more it meant I had given up my own.
I blamed my husband. I blamed a perfectly innocent man who had only loved me and trusted God and followed the passions of his own heart.
But the more I believed the lie, the more places I created for sin. The lie came with wedges. It created neat little gaps for secrets, and painful choices and more lies on both sides.
We were a mess. We were broken. We needed Jesus and His love more than ever, but you wouldn’t know it.
I needed help, but didn’t know how to ask for it. I was lonely and scared and a wreck, but how could I ask Jesus to fix me when I had chosen this man over Him? I was too ashamed to admit my pain. The lie kept me captive.
And just when it should have destroyed us, we witnessed a miracle.
God didn’t change my husband’s heart. He didn’t give Him new desires to become a pastor. No. He simply took my broken heart, and gave me a new one. He exposed the lie. He spoke Truth over me again, and pulled up every last tendril of that untruth. He wrapped me in the security of His love and whispered, “You didn’t miss it. I’m not done with you. Your husband has given his life for you, and now I’m going to teach you what it means to love him… because he is the one that I have chosen for you. Together, you will complete the plans that I have for you both.”
And I saw it. For the first time in years, I was able to truly recognize the depth of the lie. I was able to look and see the path of that destruction that the lie had carved over our lives… and then I saw something even more amazing.
I saw God come and bring restoration. We experienced unity and trust for the first time in years. I didn’t only trust my husband; I trusted God and His voice of Truth. I believed again that I knew what His voice sounded like, and I began to hear it more clearly. New life began to grow in our marriage as we learned what it meant to be one with each other and with the Lord. And we experienced peace and felt hope for the first time in years.
Through all of this, we have learned that lies whisper. They hide. They pretend to mask themselves as truth, but they only success in stealing our peace. But powerfully, we have learned that the quickest way to kill a lie… is it to expose it. And then, healing can begin.
I am asked often, how we were married young and made it. I am asked what advice I would give to other young couples who are choosing to grow up together as husband and wife. And every time I consider how to reply, I wonder, “How did we make it, Lord? With all of the hurtful words, and painful moments, how did we ever make it?”
And every time, His answer is the same.
“When you thought you were alone, I was with you. When lies tried to overtake you, I whispered Truth to your heart. When you were both ready to give up, I wrapped you in my arms and held you together with my love. I was never far away. I was never uncertain of your future. I was never without hope. I knew the end from the beginning, and that my love was stronger than any lie. I knew that you would make it, because I knew the plans that I have for you.”
We have learned that when we have come through seasons of darkness, we will not use our words to curse the darkness, but we will use our words to bless the Light. We will point the Light of our Salvation who led us safely through the snares of our enemy. We will point to the One who walked with us and continues to illuminate our path with His Truth. We will choose words to proclaim the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
God has filled our lives with hope. He has given us renewed vision. He has transformed our hearts, our expectations and our plans. He has given us new life in Him.
And He wants to do the same for you.
God’s love has saved our marriage, and friends, He wants to do the same for yours.
Father, I pray that these words would touch hearts. I pray that the testimony of your faithfulness would impact lives. Lord, bring restoration into hurting marriages. Speak life louder than any lie. I ask for renewed hope, for supernatural peace, for an extra measure of grace. Lord, there is no feat too big for you. There is no hurt too deep to heal. There is nothing impossible for you, God. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for your love. Thank you for your kind goodness, Lord. Be present now, Jesus. Send Your Spirit to comfort the hurting, the broken, the defeated. Be real to those reading these words, God. Let them experience Your love. In Jesus’ name.
