I measure my babies on the back wall in my bathroom. They love for me to put their little feetsies up against the trim board, hold their arms by their sides and take my special marker to make a dot just above their heads to show them how much they have grown. My son has his own set of notches and my daughter another.
When we have finished measuring, we stand back and admire their growth! We dance and cheer and declare that they are growing and are perfect! They are always so proud that they have grown, and I am always excited to see how far they have come from the first little dot on the wall. My sweet babies sure grow fast.
Do you know what we do not do? We do not call our best friends (who happen to be taller) and have them stand and make a mark first so that we can compare our heights to theirs. I do not hold my son up to the height of the neighbor boy and declare… “Well, you’re not as tall as him are you? He will always be taller than you. You will never be able to say you are as tall as he is! We can measure and measure and measure, but you will never ever catch him. Now, let’s see tall you are.”
I was on Facebook a few days ago when I saw a post from a dear friend of mine. Her son has reached some really impressive milestones that my own son (who is much older) has not yet achieved… I began to research different educational materials that would help my son catch up! How had we fallen so behind? He knows his colors, shapes can count to…. Who knows… recognizes over half his letters, can kick, throw, and catch a ball, speaks politely to adults, … I am making mental check marks in my mind… shares with other children, dresses himself, asks intelligent questions. Can that kid say those things about himself? Does he look adults in the eye when they give him something and truly thank them? Does he shake hands firmly and love Jesus? Not only do we have to “catch up” to this other boy, but I must make this other little boy less so that my son can be “equal.” Well, sure he can _______, but can he _________? At least my son can _____.
I realized that I had turned my sweet boy around, put his back against the wall, and in my heart, declared that he was not as _______ as he should be. I had measured him against someone else’s marks.
We are guilty of this too, mommas. Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram help us so much. We spend hours on Pinterest tacking ideas of all the wonderful things we can make for our children, try to replicate them and then post pictures of our accomplishments. If I am honest, it isn’t so my kid thinks, “Wow mom… my Cars cake was soooo awesome with its checkerboard design… you must really love me!” It is because as the number of likes goes up on Facebook, we are somehow increasing our own worth as a mother. My butterfly-shaped snack bags just got 42 likes, and if I keep this up, I’ve almost caught homemade play dough and cardboard rocket ship momma!
There is something very freeing about realizing that you are guilty of measuring yourself against others. There is something even more freeing about stepping away from the wall and realizing that you are a WONDERFUL momma. So, you gave your kids boxed mac-n-cheese three times this week? YUMMY! Your kids will only eat x, y & z! YOU ARE A GREAT MOMMA! You prepared organic quinoa and your kids are learning healthy eating young? WONDERFUL! Your kid is 3 and is already potty trained? FANTASTIC! Your daughter is 2 and hasn’t worn a diaper since 15 months? AWESOME! We are individual mommas raising individual children.
God knew exactly what your children needed when He gave them to you! If He had wanted cardboard rocket ship momma to be their momma, He would have given your kids to her! But, He knew the heart that would love them perfectly and the hands that would guide them perfectly… and it is okay if those hands do not bake Elmo-shaped cookies.
Do you know what our babies want more than anything? They want us to care deeply about how they feel and what they think… They want us to genuinely desire to spend our time with them… They want us to cheer them on in their individual accomplishments and they desperately need us to have confidence in ourselves as mommas. How else are we going to teach them that they are good enough? Beyond that… that they are great?!
So, continue to share your own marks on Facebook! Declare proudly how wonderful you think your children are! Get great ideas from Pinterest and try them out – even if they turn out to be the ugliest Cookie Monster cupcakes that you have ever seen… But do it because you love your babies, not for the affirmation that you get from your friends. Because the truth is… You are wonderful and the most important person who knows it… is you!
