I read the end of a book first. I will often search the internet for movie spoilers before paying for my ticket. Oh, and rarely am I surprised by the results of a reality TV game show.
I like to know what is coming.
I know. I get it. You’re reading this thinking, “Ummm. That’s just awful. Who really does that? Why wouldn’t you just wait? Why would you ruin the surprise for yourself?” And yes, while I like surprises, I would much rather be surprised when I am not overly invested. If I know the end, then I can at least prepare myself for what will happen. Read the entire book only to find out that my favorite character gets killed in the last chapter? No thank you. All of the details in between seem so much more enjoyable when I’m not overly concerned with how it all turns out. There can be peace in journey if you remove all of the suspense.
I guess I have always been this way. But, not just about books and movies…
My family moved a lot when I was younger. I changed houses, schools, and friends. The one thing onto which I could hold tightly was my relationship with the Lord. He began speaking to me when I was very young, and through our continual communication, I became sure of His presence and direction.
For as long as I can remember, I knew that I wanted to attend Oral Roberts University. The legacy of a university built on faith by a man who walked in the miraculous power of God was enticing. My momma had graduated from ORU and my sister as well. It wasn’t just part of my plan. Like a river determines the bank, the power of that plan governed every decision that I made.
It is so easy to follow and trust God when we can see where we are going… isn’t it?
When the time finally came, and I stepped onto campus as a student, it just felt right. I was excited for what the future would hold. It was big. It was new… but it was just the beginning.
For a girl who likes to know the end of the story, it didn’t take me long to realize that I had no clue what I was supposed to do next. This was real life, and there were no spoilers or spark notes. Going to ORU had been my plan for so long… once I arrived, I felt lost. Somehow, I became convinced that I needed to know everything… What my profession would be. What my ministry would look like. Who I would marry…
As a matter of fact, I got so caught up with the WHAT and WHERE that I lost sight of WHO.
I was desperate for direction. I craved clarity. I begged God for a picture of my future.
What He taught me instead… was how to walk according to the light that He provides daily.
It has been nearly 10 years since that time in my life. While I never could have foreseen myself here today, I wouldn’t change any of it… Because it is my story. It is pages and pages of how I learned to trust God.
On Wednesday, I walked back onto the campus of ORU for the first time in six years. The faces were different, but the tangible presence of God was the same. The noon bells were chiming, chapel had just let out, and the sidewalks were full of students hurried off to change the world (or to the deli before their 12:30 class.) I walked against the flow of students and made my way towards the chapel. Music seeped through the cracks of the giant bronze doors. As I opened them, I stepped back in time.
A handful of students lingered… not ready to leave the sweetness of His presence. Many cried. Some stood… but I… I remembered. I looked around the room and remembered the services that I had spent on my knees in prayer, petitioning the Lord for answers.
This time, I found myself caught up in the goodness of His presence. Weeping, I thanked Him. I thanked Him for not telling me everything that would happen. I thanked Him for teaching me not to focus on where I am going, but on WHO walks with me. I thanked him for showing me that I couldn’t see the future, because like a newborn’s sight, I was never designed to look past my Father’s face. He is my purpose. He is my destiny… and in Him alone, I have learned to trust.
A young girl sat just a row in front of me. I could hear my own timeless questions resounding in her heart. What now, Lord? When will I understand your plans? When will you make them plain?
I wanted to hug her. Hold her. Look her in the eyes and say,“He won’t. Praise the Lord… God in all His goodness will not tell you what the end looks like. But I can promise you this. He hears you… He knows your heart, and when you arrive, you will be able to look back and say that He was with you through it all. He knows exactly what He is doing. His plans are perfect. His timing un-matchable! Just soak in His presence, sweet sister. Just rest in the peace of His goodness. Study His Word. Learn His voice. Pursue His presence. Memorize His face. Because tomorrow will worry about itself… and He promises to be there too.”
Through all of this, I have come to learn a few things. Yes, all of the details in between the beginning and the end seem much more enjoyable when I’m not overly concerned with how it all turns out… But not because I know what will happen… Instead, because I know that whatever happens, He will be with me.
I realize now that this is what life is made of… All of the chapters in between… full of testimonies to the goodness and faithfulness of the Father teaching me to walk according to His light. Stories that help others in places of uncertainty to hear God say, “I love you too. My plans for you are perfect. I hear your heart, and I am all you need.”
In this alone, I know that I am exactly where He wants me to be – right in the open hand of my Creator and Friend – bearing witness to the goodness and faithfulness of God.
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” Jeremiah 29:11
