I was standing in my backyard a couple of nights ago, pushing my three children on the swings. That’s not exactly true, but it sounds better in a blog post. The little one. I was just pushing him, and honestly, I didn’t want to be pushing him.
I wanted to sit on the back porch and just stare out into the open field behind our house. Fine. So that might not be exactly 100% true either. I wanted to play on my phone – check Instagram, Facebook, stats on things. I dunno. I didn’t want to push. That’s for sure.
But when the older two ran to the swings, I knew the littlest, who is two, would want to swing as well. And no matter how much I tried to convince my six or seven year old to take turns pushing their baby brother, I couldn’t get them to do it.
So I got up, lifted my growing boy into his little blue plastic swing, buckled him in, and I started to push.
I wondered how long I had pushed kids on those swings – how many cumulative hours over the last six years that we have lived in this house have I spent pushing children on those swings? First my oldest son… then my daughter… and now my littlest son.
And it was like this realization came over me. It wasn’t awe-inspiring, but it did feel supernatural. It was as if Holy Spirit whispered to my heart, “Moms push. It’s what you do.”
Suddenly, I was standing behind that Fisher Price swing, pushing my kid forward again and again, but I was also in the delivery room the day my oldest was born.
I could hear the nurse say, “This is it! We need you to push.”
And I’m not sure I was ready. But it was time, so I did it. I pushed.
Less than two years later, I was back in the same hospital, just a few doors down, pushing again. And then three years after that.
“Higher, momma!” My little guy demanded as bits of sand from his feet kicked back toward me. “Higher!”
And I was pushing a little plastic swing in the middle of NW Oklahoma, but I was also watching myself work late on school projects, and practice presentations, and prepare for the SAT, and stand over a pile of acceptance letters from universities.
I saw all of these moments as if they already were… even though they have yet to be…
I saw so many of the moments where I would push.
There’s this strange repetition that we quickly become familiar with in motherhood. This routine of our days that changes but doesn’t. It’s new and it grows with the kids, but it’s over and over and over… and…
Sometimes it feels just like pushing that little swing again and again and again.
And there are some days… plenty of days… when we just don’t stinkin’ feel like pushing.
But one thing is certain, before we know it there will be a moment when it’s time for them to go. When all of our over and overs…. are over…
We might not be sure that we are ready, but it will be time… and so we’ll push.
“Mom! Watch me! I’m doing it!” And I’m back standing there in the sandbox behind the swing set sending my littlest as high as I can. And I’m grateful that for just a little bit longer, He’s still practicing, and I still get to push.
I used to think that motherhood began the moment that someone handed you a baby. But the truth is… mothers are the women who push us.
I became a mom the day that the desire to be a mom was born in my heart. I pushed the doctors to help us find a way to stay pregnant and not lose any more babies. I pushed myself to put my trust in the Lord each moment of each pregnancy. I pushed those three sweet babies from my body, and I will continue to stand behind them to push and cheer them on until there is no longer breath within me.
Sometimes moms give birth to us, and sometimes they don’t.
Sometimes they are the women who carry us for nearly 10 months, and sometimes they are the women who carry us through a hard season.
But there is no greater gift than to be one who gets to do the pushing and one who gets to be pushed.
This Mother’s Day we honor both. Here’s to the women who push.
And I’m saying it… I’m just saying it… you need this book. Not because I wrote it and I’m thinking about the money I’ll make if you buy it… but because it’s everything that every mom at any stage needs to hear. Read the reviews if you don’t believe me.
