“I don’t know what the difference is… or what changed… but you moms seem to have so much more pressure on yourselves than we ever did.”
It was such a short conversation, but I have been thinking about it for weeks. What has changed between her generation and mine? What makes us feel like we have to do it all? If anything, her generation seemed to be the ones who were able to “do it all” – keep a clean house and happy kids in a world that was far less complicated…
But the more I think about it, the more I realize that since the beginning of time women have been trying to “do it all.” There isn’t anything unusual about my generation. We just happen to live during a time with endless amounts of things to do.
I imagine that in my grandmother’s generation, there was still the pressure to keep a happy home. They had birthday parties, they cleaned, they made special desserts and they organized their lives.
But it was simple.
They didn’t need to visit websites dedicated to cleaning plans or organizing plans or find free printables to coordinate your pantry with matching chalkboard labels.
Birthday parties were simple. You got a cake and a present and everyone sang happy birthday. If you wanted a pretzel at a birthday party, you just picked up a pretzel and ate it. It didn’t require a sign that explained it was really a pirate plank or a magician’s wand or anything other than a pretzel. There weren’t theme parties that required months of planning and hundreds of dollars for a toddler turning two… and you know, I bet kids back then felt just as loved as they do today.
Decorating was simple. They didn’t have blogs for decorating on a budget or from reclaimed items or a million DIY projects. They just had things that they enjoyed – mostly gifts that they arranged around their homes, and everything had a purpose. If it was an ugly bowl, it went into the cabinet. If it was a pretty bowl, it sat out on a shelf – simple.
They didn’t have pressure to take professional looking photos, nor did they have the pressure to have salon style hair and runway worthy makeup before they walked out of the house in the morning.
Don’t get me wrong, I fully plan on having a “Frozen” inspired birthday party for my three year old next month, and I enjoy browsing the internet for different crafting ideas. I also love looking at the endless options for nail decorating. But no matter what I add to my plate, no matter what neat idea I come across, I cannot seem to get past that conversation.
“You’re making it too hard on yourselves.”
And she’s right.
I’m spent emotionally, physically and mentally, and yet, somehow I gather all of these ideas that stop serving as inspiration and begin to feel more like burdens. I beat myself up for barely being able to keep up with my house and kids and bills while listening to the voice in the back of my mind that says, “You could be doing so much more!”
But you know, maybe the only way to silence that naggy voice is to listen to a much sweeter and gentler one say, “Oh, darling, it doesn’t have to be so hard.”
No long explanation. No great revelation. Just a kind older hand on top of my own and a reminder that life is sweet.
I will not let the possibility of “better” steal the contentment I find in “good enough” one more day.
“It doesn’t have to be so complicated.”
I might have to repeat those words a few times to myself, but eventually, they won’t just be words that I say. They will become the truth that I believe, and maybe even someday, I will lean across a kitchen table and say them to another weary momma who needs to hear them.
… or maybe I just did.
