Husbands, I need to tell you a secret. It’s important… really important.


Your wife? She wants your help, but she doesn’t know how… or really want to have to ask you for it.

It’s not a specific task she wants your help with. It’s life.

She doesn’t just want you to wash the dishes, or pick up your own laundry, or decide to help the kids with their homework tonight (even though she probably wouldn’t tell you to stop if you did any of those things… unless of course you were doing them wrong 😉)

She wants you to see the world as she sees it. She wants you to see all of the moving parts of your life together… and her in the middle of it.

And then… she wants you to rescue her.

I can hear the comments already. I can hear some women saying, “Stop. I don’t need to be rescued.”

So hear me. I’m not talking rescue like a princess saved from a fire-breathing dragon. Alright?

I’m taking about rescue like, “I could have done it myself, but you stepped in when you didn’t have to and now everything feels a little less overwhelming.”

I’m talking rescue like you saw her blind spot, the area where she didn’t even know she needed help… and you were there at just the right time to make her life easier.

Wouldn’t it be nice if she just asked? Yes.

We get it. Wives know that you don’t want to play mind games and you just want us to tell you what we need. (Even though we all know we’d probably have to nag you a bit about it. Kidding. Mostly.)

But, buddy…

Romance doesn’t look like doing the things she asks you to do.

The babysitter she paid to help with the kids can take out the trash or fold that load of laundry because she asked.

No. The help she needs from you that will mean the most to her will be the things she doesn’t ask you to do… but that you do on your own… because you saw it.

Because you saw… her.

The truth is, husbands, the heart of the issue isn’t your lack of help. We KNOW how hard you work and how much you love and how hard you’re trying to help out. We’re partners after all

The heart of the issue is this…

Deep down she feels unseen.

And the most painful part of this truth… is that  she hopes deep down you don’t feel the same way.

Because we can’t watch for any more blind spots. We feel like we can’t look for any more that you might need from us because are already operating at max capacity. We are already spread thin from thinking about and taking care of everyone else.

If I may, husbands, let me offer this simple bit of advice.

Surprise her not just by what you took from her plate that she could have taken care of herself…

Surprise her by taking care of that one thing…  that one thing you see her struggling with that only you can help her with because you are her husband.

I think you might be surprised by the way your simple gesture… your unprovoked kindness… your knight in shining armor moment of ordinary valor… changes the climate of love in your home.

After all, you wouldn’t be loving first. Scripture says we love because Christ first loved us. You’re actually just loving Jesus back by loving your wife.

And when He’s involved, and when you begin to see things from His perspective, well… that’s when your marriage will change.

Does she want your help? Yes. But does she want to be seen? Absolutely.

And when the two collide, you just might love your wife in the very way she needs to be loved the most.

And that? Well, that’s some good advice for a Thursday.



(PS Husbands: If you think for a second that I’m putting this all on you?

I’d like to point out that I wrote an entire book on how wives can rediscover their marriage in the midst of motherhood.

No. This isn’t an attack. Far from it. This is a gift – an opportunity – a chance to have a peek into the inner workings of your wife’s heart.

And an opportunity to do something about it.

It’s entirely up to you what you decide to do from here.)

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