Before I was a mommy, I was a wonderful parent. I knew exactly how children should or shouldn’t behave. Had I been given the opportunity, I could have made all those loud fussy kids in the grocery store or restaurant stop throwing fits. After all, I was sure that when I had kids of my own, my children wouldn’t ever be like any of those other kids I saw. I would never look or act like any of those other mommas in the store. I would not “let myself go” as they called it. Parenting could not be that difficult. It just took hard work, and boy, were there some lazy mommas.
Dear 18 year old me… Here’s a kid. Watch it for a day. You have no idea, sweetie. You have no idea.
I was looking through my old profile pictures on Facebook a few nights ago. Pictures of smiling kids turned into photos of a smiling new mom, which turned into pictures of a smiling young bride, which turned into a ton of “car-selfies” of this young girl I barely recognized with makeup and styled hair.
She’s the one. She is the one who has it all figured out for the rest of us terrible moms. She is the one who ever dared say,
“Well, when I have kids…”
Oh, she was so clueless.
So to that fresh-faced, well-rested, under-educated version of myself, I would just like to say,
Yup. When you have kids you will be a great mom.
Your kids will throw tantrums in public usually when it is the least convenient and you are the most stressed. You will want to sit down and cry next to them some days.
But you will be a great mom.
They will yell, hit and shout things in public that make others look. Some days you will pretend that the children you are pushing in the cart aren’t the ones throwing a fit. You will just keep shopping and think… “Wonder who has screaming kids?”
You will go out in public in your pajamas at least once. Don’t worry, no one probably noticed that they were sleep pants, and the sweatshirt you added really dressed up the look.
But you will be a great mom.
A full face of makeup will be reserved for special occasions, and should you ever find time to put on both makeup AND fix your hair, your children will ask, “Where are you gooooin,’ Momma?” It must be somewhere fancy.
You will drive a minivan. Your vows to never even consider it will fly out the window when you see the glorious ease of the duel sliding doors that open via remote. You will catch yourself in a store window’s reflection and think, “Who’s that lady in that super-fly van?” Okay, maybe not quite.
But you will be a great mom.
You will totally get those other moms as you call them. You will get their messy hair and slap-dash outfit choices. You will not be above them. They will be your people, your tribe, they get you. Embrace it.
You will buy the toy to get them to stop screaming at least once. That mom that handed the kid the king-sized candy bar at the checkout just to make him stop crying while she hunted down her checkbook? Well, she’s not a terrible mom. In that moment of her day, she was a genius. It’s real life. It is coming for you.
You will be a great mom.
I hope you can feed your kids healthy meals every single meal like you claim you will. I really do. I hope that you can feed them well-balanced, only organic, farm-raised, home-grown foods… but just so you’re not surprised, there will be days that you go through the poisonous McDonalds drive-thru (even after seeing those terrible chicken nugget videos on the internet.) Your kids will live, and they would like barbeque sauce with that.
Your car’s backseat will be sticky. I know. I know. It was another big one for you. Those moms with the nasty backseats… they are the worst aren’t they? I mean don’t they care?! Two-words. “Juice Box.” The wrappers. The straws. The juice that squirts out before the first drink is even sipped. Best/worst invention ever and it is coming for your car… I mean van.
You will raise your voice. You won’t want to. You will try not to. But there will be moments like when the paint is purposefully smeared on the wall even after you said, “Don’t do it. ” You will yell. I’m sorry, but it will happen. It doesn’t make you a bad mom. It just means you had a bad moment. Your children will learn that even you have to say that you’re sorry occasionally. It’s a good lesson for all of you.
But you will be a great mom.
You will learn that being a great mom has less to do with how well your children behave, how perfectly you have it all together or how great everything looks to everyone else. It will have so much more to do with how confident your children are of your love for them. It will have so much more to do with creating a home where your children feel safe, secure and an environment where they can grow in confidence and respect for themselves and others.
You will be a great mom, because every day you will do your best. You will admit to getting it wrong. You will try again. You will keep going. You will pour out your time, energy and heart for the little ones who call you “Mommy.”
You might cringe when you think back at every time you said, “Well, when I have kids…” But don’t worry, parenthood has a way of helping us grow and mature. You, my darling, will grow into a beautiful momma… who just might drive a minivan.
