The first diaper that I ever changed was my son’s. I didn’t have any younger siblings or family members. I hadn’t spent my teenage years babysitting. The opportunity had just never presented itself. What a shame – I know.
I did open a package of newborn diapers about a week before I went into labor. I practiced by putting it on a 5 lb bag of flour. I also put that bag of flour into a newborn onesie and carried it around for about fifteen minutes before my sweet husband pointed out the oddness of my behavior. Come on… it wasn’t like I named it or anything.
(I did wait until he went to bed before I strapped my diapered, onesie-wearing bag of flour into the car seat in the nursery.)
Despite the parenting classes offered by the hospital and the few pages of the baby book that I read, I felt very unprepared to take care of a child.
There seemed to be a right way to do everything – feed a baby, bathe a baby, put the baby to bed. Experts had opinions on everything.
But, what if I screwed up? What if I did something wrong, and I messed up my kid forever?
It seems a little ridiculous, but deep down – almost 5 years later – I still worry about the same things.
What if I make the wrong choice and ruin my child?
Ruin.
That’s tough. That’s a heavy load.
But there are some days that it’s truth.
I think if we were honest with ourselves, the fear of making decisions that will impact the people our children will become is what motivates the majority of our parenting.
We read the latest articles that tell us it is or isn’t okay for our children to watch TV for (X) amount of time or play on iPhones or laptops or look at screens in general.
We follow the expert advice that help us navigate the scary world of nutrition and everything related to GMO’s and BPA and DHA.
We correct our own parents who did EVERYTHING WRONG like put us to sleep on our stomachs and let us eat food from the table at 5 months (and yet somehow we survived to read this post.)
But it is all motivated by that one underlying fear – What if I mess up my kid forever?
What would our parenting look like if we didn’t operate in that fear?
I’m not talking the common sense that keeps our children safe. I’m talking about the fears that our own inadequacies will somehow hinder our children from becoming healthy and successful adults.
I don’t think there is a mom out there who says to herself, “Today, I’m going to do an awful job. I’m going to make all the wrong choices. I’m going to mess these kids up for good.”
No. We each do the very best that we can – every single day.
But maybe the healthiest thing for our children to experience are parents who are confident in their decisions and do the best that they can, yet know that at the end of the day they have to leave the rest up to Jesus.
Yes. We are going to make mistakes – but the Lord doesn’t want us to be afraid of ruining our kids. He wants us to be motivated by love.
The Lord wants to be a part of our parenting, and I think more than anything He wants us to trust our parenting to Him. He wants to guide us into healthy choices that are best for our family. He wants us to trust Him to lead us as we turn and lead our children.
Girl, I know there are days that you are just sure you’re ruining everything.
But can I just say for a second… You aren’t. You haven’t. You won’t.
You’re doing a great job. No… really. And when you take a second to remind yourself that you’re not a failure, you just might stop walking in fear and begin to walk and lead your children deeper into God’s love. You got this, friend.
