It was a crisp, cold December night just a few days before Christmas. My boyfriend suggested that we get dressed up and go to a fancy restaurant. The night felt significant. Honestly, it felt a little magical. I think that Christmas has a way of making everything feel special.
Jared picked me up and drove us to the restaurant. Our first choice didn’t have any reservations left for the night, so we settled on the restaurant where we had our first date (or so I thought we settled.) I even thought it was just a coincidence that we sat in the same booth we had sat in just six months earlier. We talked through dinner, and then Jared suggested that we visit a local park filled with Christmas lights. I eagerly agreed.
The park was beautifully lit with trails and displays that visitors could stroll through. We took our time walking hand in hand and taking pictures along the way. But eventually, it was time to make our way back to his truck.
On our way, we crossed a bridge where visitors often stopped to take pictures. I honestly didn’t think much of it when he suggested we set the camera up for a timed photo of the two of us.
But what the camera captured, I did not see coming.
To be honest, I hadn’t even seen him take the ring from his pocket, but there in the middle of the bridge, surrounded by the glow of a million twinkling Christmas lights, the camera forever captured the most significant moment of our young lives.
Jared asked a simple question. I answered an easy, “Yes.” And we began the great adventure of living a life as one.
I have often thought about that moment. I have looked back at the picture and thought about everything that would follow. I thought about all of the moments we didn’t see coming. All of our joys. All of our pain. All of our failures and successes. I have thought about the people that we would become who often seem so different from those kids with stars still in their eyes. And I have thought of all the things that I would say to each of them.
If I could whisper in his ear just before he asks her to marry him… if I could whisper in her ear just before she agrees…. If I could step into the frame of the photo, I’d say,
“If you want to marry her because of the attention she gives you, or because of how she looks, or the way she fits into her clothes or if it is because she is carefree and young and nothing stresses her, then don’t do it. If you want to marry her because of the time you get to spend with her or because of all of the things she does for you… don’t ask her.
Because life will change her some. There will be days when your children will take much of her attention, when carrying your children inside of her will have taken a toll on her body, when she is overwhelmed by the cares of her world and when she doesn’t seem to have any time left for the two of you.
But sweet boy – if you want to marry her because you know that her heart has found its home in yours, because you want experience the adventure of starting a family with only her, and because you cannot imagine her hand fitting anyone else’s more perfectly and you want to take it and lead her through all that life brings your way – Then… ask her to marry you.
And sweet girl – if you are saying yes because of how he makes you feel, because of all of the gifts and dates and notes that constantly remind you of his love, if you’re just doing it because of how he looked that summer that your heart fell for him, or because his affirming words come easily… don’t say yes.
Because there will be a day when the weight of the world is on his shoulders. When his days become more about providing for you than spending time with you. When the gifts slow and the dates seem far between and the words not always quite as sweet.
But if you’re agreeing to marry him because you know that your heart has found its match in his, if it is because you know you can trust his arms to provide safety, his words to bring comfort, and his hands to lead you gently, and if it is because you know that there is no one that you would rather grow up and grow old with – Then sweet girl,… say, “Yes.”
The events of the night would have still been the same. He would have still gotten down on one shaky knee and she would have still cried a tear-filled, “Yes.” Because even knowing what I know now, even with all of the life that has been lived since that moment, I would still choose us all over again. Because I have learned that love is so much more than just what we feel. It is a choice that we must both make again and again day after day.
And for our love? My answer will always be, “Yes.”
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