“Momma?”
“Yeah, buddy?”
I stood in the doorway of his bedroom. He was tucked into his twin sized bed, and his little sister was tucked into hers across the room. My husband and I had already told bedtime stories and prayed. I was giving my final hugs before I said goodnight when he started his series of questions.
“Did you and daddy have to find each other?”
“What? Daddy and I haven’t ever been lost. He has a phone, and I have a phone. If we need each other, we can always call.”
“But were you ever separated?”
I searched his words for what he was really asking as he continued.
“Before you found each other, momma. Were you lost before you found each other? Before I was here?”
And I finally understood.
“Ohh. Yes, buddy. There was a time when I didn’t know daddy. One day, we met each other. And then, we fell in love. And one day, daddy asked me to marry him.
“Did you kiiiiiiiiiiss?!” – Little sister piped in from across the room.
“Yes. We got married and we kissed.”
I don’t know what inspired the question, but my answers seemed to satisfy him for the night. My 3 and 4 year olds laid their heads back down and drifted off to sleep.
But as I left the room, my son’s words continued to replay over and over again in my heart.
Did you and daddy have to find each other?
It seems like so long ago. Like so much life has been lived between finding each other and this moment. With two tucked safely in their beds and one due to arrive any minute.
Over the last ten years there have been times when it seems like my husband and I aren’t as close as we once were. I suppose that is because life has a way of settling into even the smallest spaces in between us.
And as life grows, sometimes that space between us grows as well.
The truth that I should have shared with my son that night is this:
When you get married, you never stop finding each other. You discover one another again and again as you grow as people and as a couple. You make the choice to find each other every single day. And you’re only in danger of losing each other if you stop looking.
Maybe you’re in a season of life where you are worried about your marriage. Maybe the demands of motherhood have taken your focus and your time away from your husband. Maybe you feel overwhelmed by taking care of little ones and you just don’t know how you’re supposed to find any more of yourself to give.
Borrow my hope, friend. The distance between you and your spouse isn’t as wide as you might think. You’re not too far gone. Keep rediscovering one another. Keep pursuing your husband’s heart as he pursues yours. You just might find yourself right back where you belong.
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