The pool was closing early for the day. We had arrived not long before, and when the announcement was made… I honestly panicked. If you have ever met a toddler, you are surely aware of their extremely delicate dispositions. Basically, they are always one “no” away from complete meltdown.
Toddler mommies spend the majority of their time doing everything in their power to avoid such breakdowns.
So, when the announcement was made that summer day, panic flashed across my face. I could imagine carrying not only arm loads of floaties, towels, and pool bags, but also adding two screaming toddlers to the mix. I was going to be dragging something, and it would probably be my own hands across my face in surrender to the tantrums.
“What did they say mommy?”
I thought carefully for a moment.
Honestly, I can’t remember what they said was wrong. Whether it was a broken pump or poop in the pool… It didn’t matter, I had to come up with something quickly.
“Well, the pool is closing early, and so we can’t stay anymore…. BUT we CAN go get Popsicles!!! What color are you going to get?!”
Toddler parents are masters of deflection. We are basically magicians, really.
On this particular day, distracting my children with Popsicles was working. I actually looked at my friend and said, “They are taking this surprisingly well!” – Just knowing that any second I would have a puddle of crying toddlers.
It was then that we passed them- a dad and son in hysterics. The boy was upset over obvious reasons. Who knows what the rest of their day had been like… But the dad was clearly frustrated with the boy’s response. Deflection was either not an option, or not working. I smiled an understanding grin at the dad knowing, “That could have so easily been me.”
As we passed them, the man looked at his little boy who couldn’t have been a year older than my own son and said, “Quit crying. Everyone can see you crying like a baby! Do you want them to think you are a little baby?!”
I felt those words all the way down to my gut.
They sat there like a load of bricks.
Not only was this sweet boy sad about the pool closing and his plans changing, but now he was publicly shamed as well… So much on such a little guy.
It would be so easy to judge this dad, but I looked at the puffy eyes and tear streaked cheeks of that sweet boy and remembered a similar moment that took place not long before in my own kitchen.
My son had been having a particularly whiney day, and I was at my wits’ end. He wanted me to fix something, but he wanted it fixed his way. He was crying because I was “breaking” it.
“I’m just trying to help you, buddy, but if you don’t want my help, then you can just go play.”
Tears continued… “It won’t click in here…momma just fix it! No! Don’t touch it! You’re breaking it! Help me, momma!”
“Buddy, you aren’t acting very nice. You are acting like a baby. Sissy is littler than you and doesn’t throw fits like this. Little babies take naps, and maybe that is what you need. Maybe we should let a big boy play with this toy if you aren’t going to play nice with it.”
What I said had not helped anything.
He was still upset about the toy, and now he was upset about being called little. All he really needed was a hug and a gentle momma to help him navigate his frustrating toddler emotions.
I had done neither.
I knelt down and looked into his red little eyes. I set the toy on the floor next to us, scooped him up into my lap, and loved on him.
“Mommy is sorry, buddy. Mommy knows you are a big boy. I am sorry I couldn’t help you like you wanted me to. I am sorry I wasn’t more patient and didn’t help you with a happy heart. But, we have to be nice when momma is trying to help. I cannot help or understand you when you are throwing a fit. Can we try again?”
After the hugs had ended and the toy was fixed, I heard a gentle voice in my own heart…
“You won’t make him great by causing him to feel small.”
I knew exactly what my Heavenly Father was telling me.
As parents, we want our children to grow to be healthy, happy, well-adjusted adults. We want them to be confident and excel in areas of proficiency. We want them to know that they can do anything, and that the things they set their hands to will prosper and be limitless.
Sometimes, we get caught up in the day to day of being needed and fussed at and we wish that they would just get it and knock it off. We wish that they weren’t so whiney and needy and fussy…
But ya know? I think that there must be days that God thinks the same things about us.
But do you know what He says?
I do not belittle. I do not remind you of the foolishness of your emotions. I do not give up and point out your childlike behavior. No. Instead, I bend down from heaven, scoop you up, and tell you how much I love you. I ask you to let me try to fix it and when things are set right, you know you are loved, accepted, and secure in who you are.
You will not make him great by causing him to feel small….
I wanted to whisper those words into the ear of the man at the pool that day. I wanted to tell him exactly what I have shared with you…
But, I realize now that it is a truth we all need to hear. It is not only a reminder of how we are called to parent, but an expression of how God promises to love us – with gentleness and patience.
There are surely going to be days of meltdowns and tantrums, but there will be countless opportunities to encourage and love and remind our children and ourselves of the gift that we have been given – unmerited grace.
Because usually when I least deserve it, is when I need it the most.
