When I was pregnant with my oldest (now four), every part of pregnancy was exciting. I called my husband to tell him every time that the baby had hiccups. I posted the baby’s size and latest developments to my Facebook account every week. Oh, and I went to visit labor and delivery every five minutes convinced that my contractions were the real deal.
“Hi. It’s me again. I’m honestly in labor this time. *45 minutes later* No? Go home? Okay. See you tomorrow!”
When you’re expecting baby number three, few things are real surprises during pregnancy. Braxton Hicks contractions are not as worrisome – they’re just a little more annoying. Preparation for baby’s arrival isn’t nearly as elaborate. And there is far less nervousness about what to expect when real labor begins.
Because when you’re expecting baby number two or three or six… you’re no longer a first time mom.
You’ve already experienced the joy of a brand new baby swaddled up tight and placed in your arms. That first time is over. You have already experienced the first ride home from the hospital driving 15 miles an hour and strategically avoiding potholes. That first time is gone too.
You will experience it again with each child, but it will never be the first time to give your own baby a bath again. It will never again be your first time to have a 3 month old, or 6 month old or nearly 5 year old. Each day you are becomming more and more of a mommy veteran.
And while part of you will be glad that you’re not constantly terrified of being responsible for a new life, you will realize that a part of you misses the newness of it all. Some part of you misses every moment being a “first” – and every smile, coo, and development not only your child’s first – but your first as well.
Yesterday, my son had a conversation with a friend of mine.
“When the baby comes, it will be time for me to go back to school. Sissy will go to my old school, and we will have a new baby at our house.”
He is right. In August, just about the same time that he is off to his first day of Pre-K, and my daughter experiences her first few mornings away at Preschool, we will be welcoming home our brand new baby.
And as our family grows in number and in age, I am realizing just how fleeting these moments truly are. I can see them coming now – like a train a down a track. They are fleeting firsts that will be our last first time, and gone entirely too soon.
But the good news is that they aren’t over yet.
There will be more firsts – as a mom of littles I know that the firsts are far from ending.
But today, I remind myself right in the middle of my day just how precious these moments truly are. We will never be in this phase of life again. Each day we all get a little older. And while there are days I tell my son, “Just don’t get any bigger. Okay?” And he reminds me, “But I’ll always be your little boy.” I know that perhaps the greatest gift isn’t just in holding on to the important moments, it is in recognizing the sacredness of each moment up ahead.
Because while each first will be the last first time – It isn’t about mourning the moments that have passed – it is about making the decision to truly live in the moments that are and are still to come.
