I spent most of my late high school and early college years searching. I wasn’t searching for myself. I wasn’t searching for the purpose of life. I was simply desperate to find the plan of God for my life. I would often pray, “I’ll do whatever you ask me to, Lord. Please just give me some direction.”
He seemed very quiet during that time.
I would pray and search and wonder what the end looked like. I just knew that if I could determine where I was going, then, I could trust every step along the way. I didn’t realize then what the Lord was using that time to teach me.
Other girls who lived on my floor in college seemed to have clear goals. One was going to be a nurse back in her home town, another was going to teach special needs children at an elementary school, and another was pretty sure she was just going to marry a pastor and lead Bible studies and coordinate potlucks.
I envied all of them. I envied the clarity of their vision. I would lay awake at night and pray, “Lord, wouldn’t it be easier if you just wrote it on my mirror? Wouldn’t it be so much less complicated if you would just make the vision plain? Write it out so that we can both see where I’m going?”
The next 8 years were a lot more of this same conversation.
“Wouldn’t it just be easier, God, if you showed me exactly what the plan is?”
It was like not knowing which train to take because I didn’t know where I was supposed to arrive. So, each major decision, each minor decision for that matter, I had to walk according to the light just in front of me. I had to walk trusting each small decision to Him.
Last night, I lay awake in bed again. This time, I wasn’t questioning God’s plan. I wasn’t asking Him what life would look like when I had arrived. Last night, I was thinking about every single step that brought me to where I am today.
I thought of the conversations I had with the Lord over the last 8 years.
“Just use me, Lord. I want to reach the world with your love.”
– Okay, major in communications.
“Just use me, Lord, I want to be in a ministry that reveals your goodness.”
– Okay, marry this man who wants to be a police officer.
“Just use me, Lord, I want to be able to speak and preach and teach your Word.”
– Okay, leave the university you always wanted to attend and teach the children at your parent’s church.
“Just use me, Lord, I want opportunities to place my hands on the sick, and speak life to the hurting.”
– Okay, quit your job, move back to your husband’s hometown and stay at home with your babies.
I thought of every time that I felt as though I was “off track.” I thought of every time that I feared I had made the wrong decision, taken the wrong train, looked out the window and wondered, “How on earth am I going to get over there?”
And I realized exactly what God had been teaching me. He wanted me to learn to stay close to Him. Because as long as I stay close to Him, I will never have to doubt if I am where I am supposed to be. I will never have to worry that I’m heading in a direction that He isn’t leading. I never have to doubt decisions or plans or even my purpose.
No. He didn’t want to write it on my mirror, because He wanted to write it on my heart. He wanted me to learn to listen for His voice and trust Him in even the smallest details.
And He wants to do the same for you.
Sometimes, I think we get an image of God in our minds that is a little too much like Superman. He saves us from falling, places us safely on the ground and flies off to help the next person in danger before we can even thank Him.
But, His word says that He never leaves us. He is our constant comforter, an ever-present help in time of need. (Psalm 46) Because of His constant presence, we can trust His continual direction and plan. We don’t have to see where we will arrive, but we can learn to be confident in where He is leading us day by day.
And that is my prayer for you. It is my prayer that you would cling tightly to the Lord, trust His goodness and rest in the truth that He is not going to let you fall.
Lord, bring hope and clarity to those who would read these words. Bring peace and rest as we continue to trust in You. Bring renewed strength as we walk out the journey of our lives with You by our side. We love You and believe in Your goodness. In Jesus’ name.
