It was late… not like Tonight Show late… like infomercial late… like somewhere there is a farmer getting up to start his day late…. Like almost tomorrow late.
And I hadn’t slept one bit. Don’t get me wrong here. My head had touched the pillow. It had touched the pillow many times, but it hadn’t gotten to stay there long.
I put my two preschoolers to bed just as the baby woke up and decided that he was hungry again. And this was no quick meal. He did not treat it like fast food. He acted like it was an all you can eat buffet. It was one of those feedings that went on and on and on…
But when he finally decided that he was done, he also decided that he would like to play for an hour or so. I tried reasoning with him. I explained that he would be tired the next day if he didn’t get some rest. But, he’s 8 weeks old, and so he didn’t exactly listen. We’ll work on that.
Finally, he fell asleep, and jus as I laid him into his bassinet, two little feet came running down my hall. My daughter jumped into our bed, “I had a bad dream!”
“SHHHHhh. We can’t wake up baby bubby.” I scooped her up and whisked her out of the room. “Let’s go back to your room and I will sit with you while you go back to sleep.”
I apparently should have been clearer. I perhaps should have said, “I will sit with you for just a few minutes.” Because every 2 minutes she would pop her eyes open and say, “I’m not asleep yet. You said you would stay while I fell asleep.” She’s awfully smart for a three year old.
And I would whisper, “Shhh. Close your eyes.” And try to tiptoe out of the room… only to be met at the door with, “Mommy! Where are you going?!”
Bless her heart. She just couldn’t settle, and after about 20 minutes of waiting for her to fall asleep she announced, “I have to potttttty!”
A quick trip to the potty, back in bed, and she was asleep in 3 minutes. I guess I should have asked sooner.
As I got back to my room, and laid my head down on my pillow, that sweet baby started fussing. I sat up, found the paci and popped it back into his mouth. And just as I was about to lay down again, he spit it out.
Five rounds of getting out of bed to get him his pacifier later… I decided he might need more than just a paci. He was gassy. But he wasn’t just gassy, he needed a diaper change. Oh, and this would be a diaper, clothes and bedding change. You might be a mom of young kids if you know the phrase, “Yooo HOOO. Big summer blowout.” (Frozen) You might really be a mom if you know that the “big October blowout” is not nearly as funny at 2 am. After changing the diaper, the clothes and giving him a baby wipe bath, we were ready for sleep.
Except we weren’t. We were ready to eat again.
Because he is 2 months old… and he has a timer to eat every three hours like the button on LOST that must be pressed every 108 minutes or the island will explode.
So, I fed and changed and put him back to bed… and finally crawled under my own covers.
And in those few fleeting moments before I slipped off to sleep, I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was someone to take care of me? Wouldn’t it be great if someone put me back in bed after bad dreams or argued that I should really try to rest so I’m not cranky tomorrow? Wouldn’t it be fantastic if someone was concerned if I was warm and fed and dry and soothed and relaxed and rested and happy?” And then I realized… that’s my job too.
I know that there will be more nights like last night, and days that are just as exhausting. It’s part of being a mom. It’s the part that we all knew came with the territory, but we had no idea would really be this hard. But we’re not doing anyone a service by neglecting ourselves. Because we are worth taking care of too.
Has anyone told you that in a while? Because as mommas, we can get so caught up in taking care of everyone and everything else that we sometimes always put ourselves last.
It’s okay, momma. It’s okay to say that you’re tired. It’s okay to say that you love your babies, but you wish you could take a break for a few days… even though just a few minutes would be nice. It is okay to admit that you feel like no one considers how you feel. It doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you an honest woman with honest emotions that are equally as valuable as everyone else’s.
Today, I want to extend this simple challenge – Yes, a challenge on top of everything else you do. Today, do one thing… just one small thing… just for you. Because, friend, you are worth your own attention. And you are important too.
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